Secular counseling has not worked. Even so-called “Christian counseling” has failed us. One does not become a Christian counselor by tacking on Bible verses and calling it Christian counseling. The Word of God has to permeate everything we do…everything we say…every method we use when we reach out to help a fellow human being. APOSTOLIC COUNSELING HELPING GOD’S PEOPLE GOD’S WAY 1 HELPING GOD’S PEOPLE GOD’S WAY The people coming into our churches today are “different” than the sinners who used to flood our altars. These days they bring problems and issues with them that many of us feel totally unqualified to deal with. So what is happening is the “swinging door effect,” where sinners pray through, then, sooner rather than later, go out the back door. Because of these issues, the less capable we feel to deal with them. They seem overwhelming. So what has happened is that, gradually, many Christians have allowed their God to shrink. The smaller our God becomes, the tougher and more hopeless the problems seem to become. But the reverse of that is also true: the bigger our God, the smaller the problems. We need to strive to see a Big God! God never changes; God is always big. God remains the same yesterday, today, and forever. It is our perception of Him that changes. And our perception is suffering. During all of us, there has been another subtle movement going on, and that has been a growing dependence on psychology for answers. Even when children of God long to help, there has been an increasing tendency to refer; those things we call “the hard cases,” we refer to outside psychologists. We most often assume that we, as “mere people of God,” do not have the knowledge to help these people. In testimony services, we jump to our feet and shout about the power of Jesus, but do we really believe what we are saying? Pastors, especially, are in dire straits because they are the overseers of the flock. It is their responsibility to care for and provide needed counseling for their flock, yet so many pastors feel unable to meet the challenge. When the problems seem too big, they are referring their sheep to outside sources. The end result is that we will trust Him with the small things—those emotional problems that do not overwhelm us—but the really big stuff we have to trust to Freud. BEFORE FREUD WAS…I AM WHAT HAS HAPPENED IS THAT CHRISTIANS HAVE TAKEN A BACK SEAT TO THE PROFESSIONALS What has happened is that slowly What has We have allowed ourselves to be intimidated by their degrees. 2 What has happened is that slowly, imperceptibly, Christians have taken a back seat to the psychologists. We have allowed ourselves to be intimidated by their degrees and training. The average Christian and pastor cannot hold a candle to these kinds of academic credentials. This is why we have developed a course of study that you can delve into. You can learn how to deal with these issues! That is why we offer degrees in specialized areas. We are also working on the certification of our graduates. So many judges these days will discard everything a pastor says. It does not matter that the pastor knows their saints well. It does not matter that the pastor has more knowledge on how the soul of man works than any secular judge. What matters to the judges is…degrees…certifications. I have seen secular judges outright tell the pastor to sit down and then turn around and tell the supplicating saint that he must be evaluated by a trained psychotherapist! I have studied clinical psychology, and was a student in both secular and Christian universities. Does the fact that I walked away from that not make you want to question why? I have found a success rate far beyond my wildest expectations, outside of psychology, depending solely upon God’s methods. He has shown me a much better way—the Word of God, the oil of the anointing, the gifts of the Spirit, the renewing of the unregenerated mind. As a minister to the hurting, I have traveled throughout our fellowship, and many folks have traveled great distances to visit my office. And at no time do I use psychological methods. I rely strictly on the Holy Ghost and have found remarkable success in the healing of those hurts that puzzle and confound the Church of today.
LET’S GO INSIDE: What do you see is the main problem facing the church today? ________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ Where do you see yourself fitting into the scheme of things?__________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________
THE TWO MAIN REASONS I see two things happening that are especially disturbing. My first grief is that of qualified, God-called men and women of God forsaking the ministry and heading off into the practice of psychology. One pastor told me, “Sister Doty, I’ve been in the ministry for over 30 years. I just can’t help the people with the kinds of problems they’re bringing to me now. I feel I could do more good in psychology.” If you have been thinking along these lines, please let me urge you to stay in the ministry. No matter what 3 the world might say, you can do far more good there, with God, than you’ll ever accomplish through psychology. Your God has not shrunk! He is just as big as He has always been! Do not be intimidated by the “professionals.” Don’t be seduced by the siren’s call. It is dangerous out there, outside the will of God! God does not call preachers out of the ministry and into psychology. That seems backwards. He called me out of psychology and into the ministry. The other thing I see happening is both Christian and secular psychologists seem to wax more and more confident that they have the answers to the church’s plight—and the church is increasingly looking to the leadership of therapists who seem unaware of what they are really doing and the devastation they are causing. This brings me to my second grief. So many of our own hurting people have tried the worldly counselors, only to be badly burned. When they heard about Christians who were counseling, their hopes were revived. They reached out, willing to trust one more time—only to be deeply hurt again by one of their own. When their brothers and sisters fail them, many give up hope, believing they have nowhere else to go for help. My goal is to reach these people and let them know there is hope—they have been seeking it in psychological methods, but their hope rests in Jesus Christ and His Word. He does have the answer for them. I want them to step out and trust one more time. This is where YOU come in. YOU can step in and help in the reviving and saving of a soul. A soul that has given up hope in finding help even in the own brothers and sisters. By taking this course of study, and applying its principles to those who come to you for help, you can make a difference. The Word of God contains the answer to any problem we face. Read that again….. But, Dr. Doty, I don’t see the word “bulimia” in the Bible, and I don’t see “bipolar.” Right. The words applying to today’s problems are not found in the Bible. However, what we will be doing through this course of study is teaching you how to dig into the Word of God and extract the principles that apply to ANY problem, ANY hurt. If you are willing to do that, then my friend, you will make a difference. At this point, please watch our brief video. 4 LET’S GO INSIDE: Please tell us about yourself, briefly. What is your background in counseling others? What are your objectives after completing this course? What do you hope to get out of this course? Do you believe that the Word of God is sufficient in today’s world?__________________ Why or why not? The power of God can do anything—and the power of God is in you.
Module 1
A Personal Word to my Students The first thing I want to point out is that you have made a wise decision to take this course. The next thing as we progress through these courses is that true apostolic counseling is not counseling that addresses how to fix certain specific issues. The Word of God contains the answer to any problem we face. Read that again….. But, Dr. Doty, I don’t see the word “bulimia” in the Bible, and I don’t see “bipolar.” Right. The words, the terms, describing today’s problems might not be found in the Bible. However, what we will be doing through this course of study is teaching you how to dig into the Word of God and extract the principles that apply to ANY problem, ANY hurt. If you are willing to do that, then my friend, you will make a difference. Because we counsel from the Word of God, and the Word of God permeates all issues—which can be designated as “sin”—you will be digging into the Word and extracting principles that apply to all problems. So you will find that the title of one lesson might not the only topic of that lesson. And you will find the theme of certain lessons will be picked up in a later lesson as thoughts weave in and out. Much of what you will study in this course is addressing how to help your counselee come up higher—become more Christ like—to live a life that is victorious across the board. When you go out and start counseling, you will not be addressing “problems.” Apostolic counseling is not problem oriented. You want the people who come to you to get the answers they need, but it will be up to you to help them understand that those answers might not be what they were expecting. But I promise you, if you will persevere, and stick close to what you will be learning, they will receive far more, and far better, than what they came to you expecting. You will not be learning psychological counseling in this course. You will not become qualified to obtain a state license to practice psychology. There are no such licenses for apostolic counseling. To obtain the approval of the state, you must subscribe to certainly secular, worldly values. If that is your goal, I suggest that you leave us and go enroll in a secular university. I would hate to see you do that, however, as I have personally witnessed too many spiritual people drift from God and out into the world while studying in these godless environments. We have lost too many wonderful saints and pastors this way. That is why I have worked so hard to put this course together for you. And it is why the Kleins, the directors of this seminary have asked me to do it.
What is Apostolic Counseling? Basically, in a nutshell, apostolic counseling is just what it says—counseling the apostolic way. During our pastorate, my husband enjoyed explaining to the curious: “If the apostles did it, we do it. If the apostles taught it, we teach it. If the apostles did not do, or teach it, neither do we.” We take note of the fact that neither Paul nor any of the apostles ever hung out a shingle as professional counselors. The early church did not have little gods strutting around calling themselves psychologists. The apostle did not practice psychology; they did ministry.
When I speak against “psychology” in this course, I am referring to psychotherapy. The field of psychology is a real thing and can contain much good in the way of understanding and research. What I am referring to is when one human being attempts to get inside the mind of another human being.
Is there a reason psychologists and psychiatrists began calling sinful practices and unethical behavior “sickness” or “diseases”? Is there a reason Christians involved in this area continue to work on “disease,” instead the cure of the person’s soul? For one thing, it gives them power, prestige and economic status. Many of our churches today revere the psychologist. I was invited into a church one time to do some counseling of some of the saints. I stressed to the pastor before accepting that I did not do psychological counseling—and that I did not call myself a “psychologist”—and he assured me that was what he wanted. I learned pretty quickly, though, that not all people understand the difference even though they think they do.
One day a “Christian psychologist” came calling. He was seeking a place to preach and counsel and since I was only temporary, the pastor was considering putting him on staff. It amazed me how the saints, leadership, and the pastor himself almost bowed down to this person— not physically, then in their hearts. People would run up to him and ask him the “deep” questions—seek help for their poor damaged souls—and hang onto his every word. He can write his own ticket. He was demanding an outrageous salary to grace this staff with his wonderful presence, and it was met. Yes, he had the power and the prestige because he was a psychologist and proud of it. (I learned later that the “university” where he supposedly earned his doctorate was non-existent!)
The Charging of Fees
Another reason that psychologists and psychiatrists started calling sin, disease, is that insurance companies will not pay for the treatment of sin. They will, however, pay for the treatment of a “medical” diagnosis. That is one reason counselors at the Institute of Soteric Counseling do not accept payment of fees. It is ministry. Regarding the charging of fees, if a counselee is paying for your services, he expects to “get his money’s worth.” You’ll end up doing a good part of the work, work that the counselee is supposed to be doing. And then, if things go wrong, guess who gets blamed?
I am not telling you that you cannot charge fees. This has to be a matter of your own conscience. One way around that issue is to accept donations. It then becomes the burden of the counselee. When we pastored, I sometimes accepted donations to the church. I have accepted donations to my ministries. You can also use a sliding scale, which would depend on their income. At one time in my life, I took on full time jobs—unrelated to counseling—jobs that I could leave behind when I walked out the door, and that did not demand a lot of me emotionally. It gave me a way to have an income so I could then devote my heart to ministering to others without having to worry about being paid.
I had a client once who had been referred to me due to childhood sexual abuse. She wanted to “pay my fees,” whatever they were, but she had so little money. Since her father was the culprit who had continually sexually assaulted her as she was growing up, I felt it would be appropriate for him to pay for her counseling. She agreed, and felt that she would be comfortable asking him to do this. My thoughts were that he would send a check to my office at the first of each month. He had different ideas. He agreed to pay for her counseling, since he was the reason she needed it in the first place—but he demanded that she come by his place of business before each session and personally pick the money up from him! I put my foot down about that. I would not have this dear woman go through this kind of shame, being abused anew. So I saw her for free.
This experience was really my introduction to the financial side of a private practice. I didn’t have a clue how it worked. Up until this time, I was on the payroll of either the government or a private agency, and never had to think about it one way or the other.
Where Lies the Bottom Line?
But the apostolic church is the church that says, “If the original apostles did it, we do it-and if the original apostles did not, we do not.” I’ve said many times that I do not read where the apostle Paul ever hung out a shingle. Paul’s answer, along with the answer of most apostolic counselors of our day, lies in pain. In suffering. “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” ( Hebrews 4:12) Swords can cut! Hurt! Too many seek an easier way. Those who are called upon to help, often try to make things more palatable rather than letting God have His way. The psychological way often seems more “loving and understanding.” If we offer the biblical diagnosis and correction of a person’s pain, we can be labeled judgmental. Selling out to God can demand a high price.
But the truth of the matter remains firm. Truth does not change. And the truth of the hurting soul is that only God and His Word can discern the thoughts and intents of our heart. We do not need a psychologically trained counselor or personality tests to tell us.
Read Hebrews 4:13. Study that verse. Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do . In my past work in the psychological arena, I had a number of failures and an occasional success. If we look hard enough, we can find good in just about anything. But that does not make it scriptural. Since I left psychological techniques behind and began to rely on the Word of God and His gifts, I have seen God work miracles in the lives of people others had called hopeless. When I sit down with such a person, I know that in myself I have no answers for them. I could reach into my bag of psychological tricks, but hard experience has taught me they just don’t work and if they do perchance help, it is temporary. But I know the One who can heal. And such people as these, whom society and the church have given up on, were returned to the fold, healed and delivered. Not because of anything I did that might have been learned from years of training—but because of Him! Because of Jesus Christ!
Time is too short. There are too many lost and hurting souls for us to waste time with the worldly ways of psychology. Because mark this, there is no such thing as “Christian psychology.” It doesn’t exist. We have Christians who practice psychology, but it is the same psychology that has oozed down through the years from the author of it all: anti-God Sigmund Freud. Although many in the field have come to reject his blatant teachings, his thoughts are the underpinnings of what the psychologist does today. Freud’s sex-obsessed, atheistic thinking permeates everything a psychological counselor—“Christian” or otherwise—does. Try this little experiment to see just what happens when we add Freud to the Word of God. Take a clear glass of water. Add a single drop of ink. What do you see? The whole glass of water is ruined by that one drop of ink. It is so tempting to add psychology to God's Word, or vice-versa. We may think, well, if God's Word is this good, how much better it will be with some psychology thrown in. Why not add it? Or--conversely, we may reason, I don't really believe all this psychology-stuff, so I'll add in some Christian principles. This technique is called “integration.” But, as we saw, one drop of ink dirtied the whole glass of clean water. Let's just stick with God, His Word, His Spirit, and His Gifts. I promise: if you learn to do this with your counselees, you will see true healing take place.
Hard Teaching?
Some folks find my teachings hard, but they also find the Bible “hard.” God demands much of us. He is not a laid-back God that makes excuses for us. His love does not excuse sin. Our sins will be judged, and He is the Judge. One of my teachings is that, since God knows the end from the beginning, He knows all that will befall us. That being the case, does He not know that we will be cheated? Or have a car pull out in front of us? Or that we will be mugged? So in this respect, we are not victims even in those cases, because God allowed it to happen. And if God allows something to happen to us, it is for a reason. We read in Romans 8:28 that all things work together for good to those who love God. And we can think of all kinds of ways to explain this—can even see our dreams fulfilled in this promise. But we have to look at the next verse, verse 29. That tells us that the purpose is so we will be conformed to the image of God.
Module 2
The Necessity of Repentance and Forgiveness
“Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, [he] took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross; And having spoiled principalities and powers, he made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it” (Colossians 2:14–15).
Jesus’ death defeated Satan. The word “repent” is used by the British soldiers, meaning “About face!” To go in the opposite direction. That is what Christ asks when He asks us to repent. Sorrow for our sin, confess our sin, then go and sin no more. Too many of our churches are filled with unrepentant sinners. Many ministers like to see the numbers rather than true, deep repentance. Without the cross of Christ, there could be no repentance. The Cross and Repentance We need to take another look at our spiritual warfare tactics and avail ourselves of our top weapon: the Cross. It was the Cross on which Christ destroyed the devil and set mankind free. It was the Cross upon which the Lord became our Healer. As He Himself was wounded, so could He now heal us of all the wounds caused by dreadful sin—physical wounds and emotional wounds. It is at the Cross that death becomes life and decay becomes immortality. It is at the Cross that shame becomes glory! Far be it from me to glory except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world! James 4:7 instructs us to “resist” the devil, but it also gives us other vital information: he tells us to first submit ourselves unto God. Godly submission is always an act of worship. We resist the devil in godly submission. I Peter 5:9 also says to resist him steadfast in the faith. The Bible does not teach us to go around talking to the devil all the time. I like to speak my faith out loud, so he will know what I’m thinking, because he cannot read our minds. I resist the devil by speaking out faith and truth. I resist him by obedience to the Word of God. I resist him by submitting myself to God. I resist him by loving and worshipping at the foot of the Cross. The devil cannot remain in the presence of the Lord. At the foot of the Cross our focus is on Him. I can’t imagine that any of the women with Him that day were concerned with grocery lists or personal pain. We can get so caught up in our problems—be it health, money, or relationships—that our focus is on ourselves and those problems, instead of on God. If we focus on self long enough, our hearts will become darkened and carnal—the perfect breeding ground for the enemy to construct a stronghold. During worship, when our attention and focus are on Him and off the self, God can come right on in with the balm of healing! It is at the Cross that we put on Christ and cast aside our former self. It can be a painful thing, this dying to self, because it is rooting out deeply ingrained patterns that we have held dear for a very long time. This is not something that is done once and for all time. It is something that we must do daily. Paul said, “I die daily” (1 Corinthians 15:31). It means repenting every day and keeping alert to what is going on in our thoughts. It means that as soon as we discern something going amiss, we are to repent and go the opposite direction. Often the deep attitudes of our heart hide out for years before manifesting themselves. For example, in Hebrews 12:15, Paul talked about the “root of bitterness” springing up and defiling many. When we entertain dark thoughts about others, when we refuse to forgive those who have hurt us, then bitterness can hibernate in our souls. One day it will spring forth full grown and reap devastation in our lives and the lives of others. Oh, dear one, watch your thoughts carefully! If you find yourself criticizing a person, immediately cut it off and bless that person instead. Turn the ugliness into beauty! Defeat the enemy at his own game.
The Nature of Sin In order to repent, we have to understand that we have sinned. Anne Richardson, in her book FOCUS ON FREEDOM, sheds some light on just what sin is….and why we don’t want to think that it is a part of our life. Anne explains: SIN is a word that most people prefer not to hear or talk about anymore: But refusing to acknowledge it doesn’t change the truth. It may seem a huge understatement to say that one small three-letter word-SIN-is the root of every human problem, but God’s Word says that it is. In lesson one we touched briefly on the fact that offended people can, themselves, become offensive. And it is those unrighteous thoughts, actions and responses that create a roadblock to victory in our lives. The reason is simple. 1 John 5:17 "states that all unrighteousness is sin; we know that sin separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2); and that apart from Him we can do absolutely nothing."
You may respond as I did when God spoke this sobering truth into my spirit. “Wait a minute”- I reasoned-”I’m supposed to be the wounded person here-I’m the one who’s hurting –so just what kind of sin am I guilty of?”
The victim mentality had a death grip on my thought life, and it was not about to vacate easily. Perhaps, it’s been the same for you. If so, I can tell you from personal experience that not a thing will change in your life until you become willing to examine yourself in the mirror of God’s Word and acknowledge your sin.
A Closer Look at the Nature of Sin In order to understand the nature of sin-we must look to the original blueprint. We find this in the book of beginnings-Genesis. It is here we discover how it all began when the first sinful act was committed by Adam and Eve. Simply put, sin is doing things our way instead of God’s way. The word is defined as “missing the mark, a transgression or perversion”. Instead of doing what they knew was right-the Scripture tells us that when Eve “saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make [one] wise, she took of the fruit there of, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.” (Genesis 3:6) In other words, the fruit on the tree appealed to their natural senses. It has been said that the five senses are Satan’s most powerful evangelists.
What happened in the garden not only attests to this –but provides a clear warning to future believers in every generation. Our senses (feelings) must be ignored no matter how desperately they try to convince us of a perceived need. In the New Testament, James teaches us that “And sin, when it is fully formed, brings forth death. Jas 1:14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. 15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death." James 1:14-15 Our feelings tempt us to think, respond and speak in an ungodly fashion. They are strong, relentless seducers that entice us to do their bidding. And when we do-a downward spiral begins. We know that after the first couple sinned, they did not physically die-but death did occur. It was a spiritual death. At the moment of their disobedience, sin eternally severed the beautiful relationship between God and his creation. And even though His love and mercy compelled Him to devise a plan of salvation whereby we could be reconciled to Him-sin always has consequences.
In the Fall, all of humanity inherited a nature disposed to sin- an innate tendency to struggle against God’s perfect ways.
The fruit of revenge, bitterness, unforgiveness and self-pity can look awfully tempting to a hurting soul. They hang on the tree of your circumstances and bid you to take and eat.
When a weapon of offence is formed against us the wound can cut so deeply that all manner of sinful responses seem perfectly justifiable. Our sin nature is particularly inclined to blame others. When God confronted Adam after they had eaten the forbidden fruit-Adam’s immediate response was to blame Eve. (Gen 3:12). When God questioned Eve, she pointed the finger at the serpent. Things haven’t changed much since then.
Why is it that we don’t recognize these responses as sinful? Why do we make excuses for them?
The reason is that a counterfeit “feeling” of rightness makes us imagine we’re not sinning. We presume that what we’re doing is right because we feelsatisfied or justified. Sin almost always creates a false sense of peace and rightness.
Proverbs 14:12 tells us, “There is a way which seemeth right untoa man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.”
Can you see why examining ourselves in the light of God’s Word is so vital? Only Truth can dispel sin’s web of deception. The feeling of satisfaction generated by sin is both temporary and illusive. When that illusion fades, all that remains is sorrow and despair. The vindictive, unforgiving spirit that once brought a sense of satisfaction will ultimately give way to a life of utter bitterness. We become poisoned prisoners of our own wrong thinking.
Believe it or not pride can be one of the greatest stumbling blocks. A wounded person will not easily admit to being proud. Yet, the presence of sin is very commonly masked by pride. People who have been victims of sexual abuse may keep what has happened inside because they fear what others may think of them. This may seem perfectly reasonable. But God’s desire is for us to experience His cleansing and renewal so that we can in turn comfort others with the same comfort they have found in Him.
"Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." 2 Corinthians 1:4
Pride may also lead us to the conclusion that resentment and anger are justifiable because of the nature and magnitude of the offence against us. Pride refuses to heed God’s commandment to “recompense to no man evil for evil” (Romans 12:17) but to overcome evil with good.(Romans 12:21) No wonder the Lord hates pride. Pride aborts all desire for truth and righteousness. The end result is an arrogance that shuts out the voice of God and anyone who would dare speak on His behalf.
Many times we believe ourselves freest from the sins that we are most enslaved to. Change and restoration become impossible because we cannot be convinced of any wrongdoing. Self-deception must be avoided at all costs. Consider again our Scripture Focus, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.”
The world’s message to be true to ourselves and to follow our heart is diametrically opposed to what the Bible says, “The heart is deceitful above allthings, and desperately wicked: who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9) I caution you to ignore the voices of this world who relentlessly do all that they can to exalt “self” and to make us believe that loving our self is a prerequisite to all else. Their counsel lacks wisdom in the most fundamental way because it directly opposes the counsel of our Lord. God alone possesses an intimate understanding of the human heart. His Word is understandably the only viable means by which we can evaluate our thoughts, actions and responses. Something may “seem” right, or “feel” right”….we might “think” it is right-but the question we need to be asking is, “what does the Bible say about what we are thinking and doing”?
The Word of God emphatically states that we shall know the truth and it is the truth that shall make us free. Free from what? Free from the deceptive and enslaving power of sin. (John 8:32) We must understand that knowing the truth, not only includes hearing it, but obeying it as well. True spiritual knowledge comes from doing God’s will.
"But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was. But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed." (James 1:22-25)
Hearing the doctor prescribe a remedy for what ails us isn’t going to change a thing. Until we apply it-it avails us nothing. The same is true of God’s Word. Victory is in the doing.
We need to get honest with ourselves and with the Lord. The first- and perhaps most difficult step is acknowledging that in our pain we have been thinking and responding in ways that have actually hindered our healing.
Let’s read our scripture focus one more time:
“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:8-9)
If we really desire to experience God’s cleansing we have to be willing to look in the mirror. Is anybody ready?
The lists below illustrate the stark contrast between the thoughts, emotions and actions of the carnally minded (led by self), and the spiritually minded (those who are led by God) Many times our carnal nature instinctively rises up to the sting of an offence. We react to our circumstances instead of responding to the One who is in control of those circumstances. This self-serving bent is the very thing that circumvents God’s will and purpose for our lives. Don’t be discouraged if you see your reflection more clearly in the left-hand side of the page. Remember- we are naturally inclined to think and respond carnally--particularly when we’ve been hurt.
THE CARNAL MAN versus THE SPIRITUAL MAN
Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. (Romans 8:7-8)
Some would say that negative thoughts and behaviours are caused by the offences that come our way. But the truth is that anytime offences or unpleasant circumstances challenge us, they work like rain on a seed that is already planted in the soil of our heart. Remember? There is a law of sin that lives in each of us. Where nature is concerned, the ground has no choice but to absorb the falling rain. We, however, always have a choice as to whether or not we will allow the rains of adversity to absorb into the soil of our heart. Although offences are an unavoidable part of life, we must not allow offensive people or circumstances to shape our character. There is a greater and higher truth that must govern our nature.
Look again at the characteristics of the spiritually minded person. As you read down the list-understand that each of these attributes are the result of choosing to think, act and respond in a manner that pleases God. We must choose to have faith in God rather than doubt and unbelief. We must choose trust over fear and anxiety-forgiveness over resentment and unforgiveness. When we choose to do things God’s way we cannot be held captive by sin.
“I say, then, walk in the Spirit and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.” Galatians 5:16
We have been given the awesome power to choose our own master. We can choose sin which leads to death, or obedience which leads to freedom.
Paul asks in Romans 6:16: “Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? 17 But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. Remember-sin rarely presents itself in its true colours. To Adam and Eve the forbidden fruit seemed innocent enough. Satan didn’t identify himself as their deadly enemy and confess that his goal was to deceive them and destroy their souls for eternity. He appealed to their fleshly appetites-just as he does when someone hurts or offends us. A seemingly harmless seed of resentment over an offence drops into our heart-and if nurtured-that seed will take root and form a destructive root of bitterness. “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled” (Heb 12:15) The word “defile” infers a moral contamination that begins in the heart, and seeps into every area of our lives. The presence of bitterness is evidence that we have failed to put our faith in God and to appropriate His grace for our situation.
Let’s take a closer look at the blame game. It is easier to blame our actions and responses on someone or something than to accept responsibility ourselves. We are more inclined to say that we are the way we are because of one thing or another. But we will never find deliverance from our sin until we do accept the responsibility and deal with it. We must want freedom!
Blaming is a slave mentality. We think of ourselves as some kind of tiny cork carried away on a mighty current of water, powerless to change our course. We think, “Why fight it if I can’t beat it? Why seek a cure if there is none?
This fatalistic approach is a clever lie of Satan to keep his slaves in line. There is not one speck of truth to it! There is no sin too difficult for Jesus to cure; no bondage too powerful for him to break! We may believe we are hopelessly chained to our past, or bound to some habitual thought pattern or response but the fact is that Jesus can melt those chains away like wax!
We must faithfully embrace the liberating truth that with God there is no such thing as “too far down” or “too deeply involved” or “too late” or “too hard.”
Romans 6:6 "Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with [him], that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin." Romans 6:17 "But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you." Romans 6:22 "But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life."
If walking in the Spirit (Christlikeness) is God’s answer to victory over the power of sin-then it is obvious that walking after our own fleshly or selfish desires is the greatest impediment.
You may already be thinking, “HOW can I actually do this? And, even more important, how can I lead the counselee to do this? And if I can’t do it…how can I expect him/her to?”
The power to live a holy, victorious life was given to believers on the Day of Pentecost. Jesus instructed the believers “they should not depart from Jerusalem, but wait for the promise of the Father, which, [saith he], ye have heard of me..” (Acts 1:4-5) He went on to say, “For John truly baptized with water; but ye shall be baptized with the Holy Ghost not many days hence..” (verse 5) One of the most powerful ways of showing Christ to the world is by how we live, how we speak, and how we act and respond -especially in difficult circumstances. By doing this we are bearing witness of His resurrection. We are telling the world that He is alive, and that His power resides within us. Relying on the Holy Ghost produces an inner peace and strength that the world cannot comprehend, but longs to have. Paul said it this way in 2 Corinthians 4:7, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.”
Yes, our sinful nature is still present, but we are no longer controlled by it. Paul teaches this principle in Romans 8:9:
“Romans 8:9 But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his."
"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us," Ephesians 3:20
In order for His mighty power to work, the flesh has to be crucified. In the same way that Jesus died, we also must die to our own will and ways through repentance. Repentance signifies a changing of our mind or purpose. It is not something we do just once when we are first saved. It is an attitude we develop that makes us willing to turn from and forsake anything that would grieve or dishonour God. The hold our sinful nature has on our thoughts, actions and responses is progressively broken as we repent of our old ways and choose rather to be led by the Spirit of God. In the same way that God robed Himself in a veil of flesh and revealed Himself to the world through the man Christ Jesus, He also desires to reveal Himself to this lost world through His Body, the Church. When our passion is to glorify God- no trial or offence will have power over our emotions. This kind of victorious living is only possible as we learn to die daily to our natural tendencies.
Must We Forgive Ourselves? I would like to talk to you now, straight from my heart to yours. This is something that can change your life, if you let it, and that of the people you will counsel. This particular lesson is a difficult one for me to write, but write it I must. I must try to impart to you the necessity of accepting and receiving God’s sweet forgiveness. It is difficult to write because I once believed all of this myself, and it is wrong. I shudder to think back to the days when I imparted this erroneous teaching to hurting souls, because I realize now that I might have done more harm than good. And so I have had to repent and go on from there.
There are some people who just cannot seem to “get well.” These are hurting people. The same problems surface over and over again. Just as they begin to make progress, they fall back. They seem to live under a generalized feeling of condemnation. Their past does not remain past. It seems to pop up, unbidden, at the oddest times. A pastor may have done all he knows to do and it still has not “worked.” The counselors have failed to make a difference. Friends have failed to see any lasting change. Eventually, they refer many of them out to a psychological counselor. Even though these well-meaning folks might experience a twinge of guilt, they feel we’ve done all they can. They breathe a sigh of relief and await the good report of healing. But it never seems to come. All the while, these people are hurting. And now, somehow, they have found their way to you and are sitting across from you. What can you do? How can you help when all the others have failed?
We wonder where we go wrong, when all the time, we are swimming against the tide of biblical truths—biblical truths that teach us that if we seek to save our life we will lose it, but if we lose our life for His sake, we save it. To the psychologically minded, this is “mumbo-jumbo.” Indeed. The underpinning of psychology and the self-help industry is an emphasis is on self—such as self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love. The preoccupation of the psychologist with self is not biblical teaching. Self, self, self—everything is “self” these days. Self-esteem, self-love, self-awareness, self-forgiveness, self-activation, and on and on. Self-love? Well, Dr. Doty, the Bible says to love others as myself. Yes, it does. But what the Bible is saying is that we are to love others as much as we already love ourselves.
In getting a deeper understanding of what a problem is, consider this: God created us body, soul, and spirit. The body relates to the material world, and this is usually the dimension in which we experience most of our problems.
“While you may only be alert to your problems at one or two levels, all problems have three levels: feeling, doing, and heart. Generally, you perceive problems only at the feeling and doing levels. Since you often do not understand the full scope of your problems, it is important to examine your perceptions in light of God’s Word.” (Broger, 6.4)
Galatians 5:17: “For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.” We are told that the flesh lusts against the Spirit and the Spirit against the flesh. These are contrary the one to the other so that we cannot do the things that we want to. Paul gives us a remarkable example of this from his own life in Romans chapter 7. He talks about how he is trying so hard to do the right thing and he messes up. It seems like whatever he does, the flesh is just battling against him. That is the way it is with us. We want to do well, but yet that flesh comes in and we find ourselves failing. Paul is saying here that we cannot do the things that we would because we are walking in the flesh. But the truth of the matter is, we do not have to walk in the flesh. Not when we have the Spirit of God living within us. We have the Holy Ghost, and if we stay full of His wonderful Spirit, we can walk in the Spirit; then can we fulfill the law of the Spirit. Our task, then, is to learn how to walk in the Spirit. Learn how to do those things that are pleasing to God.
The first level I will mention is the Feeling Level. As a rule, we rely too heavily on our feelings, and we must understand how fickle they are.Your feelings cover a wide range of emotion. You cannot trust them. You cannot depend on them. They do not accurately reflect the condition of your heart.
Some feelings can be a reflection of sin in your life. While it is not wise to spend an inordinate amount of time dwelling on our feelings, we should ask if the feeling is from God? Is He trying to tell us something here, is this a feeling that maybe we have sinned? Depression so very often is a result of unconfessed sin.
You can sometimes be happy and elated and yet be totally out of the will of God. You can be doing something totally against what God says to do, yet be happy. You can know you are not in the will of God and that God is not happy with you because you are doing this, but still you feel happy.
On the other hand, we can be in His will and doing exactly what he wants and still feel miserable. At this point, if we are not careful, we could veer outside of His will, thinking we made a mistake and didn’t hear Him right. Suffering does not mean we are not doing His will.
Trying to solve a problem, based on feelings, is unwise. The same thing can be said, regarding the heart level. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that the heart is deceitful above all things, who can know it. Who can really know our heart? We can be so sure that we are right, that we have an accurate perception of things, that we are certain how we feel. Yet we can be so dead wrong. Proverbs 14:12 warns: “There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.”
Genesis 4:5 is an example because Cain, remember, had taken his offering before the Lord and it was rejected and Cain was very angry at God. This is the tip-off that there is something inside of Cain that is not right. And, sure enough, a few verses later we learned that there was something very wrong with Cain. Cain could have brought another offering, one based on God’s plan. But he did not. He chose anger instead. He chose to blame his brother.
In I Samuel 18:8-9, we find that Saul was also very angry. Look what Saul was going through. He definitely was not right in his heart. So his feelings of anger and madness reflect what was going on in his heart.
The heart is impossible for man to understand fully. It is impossible for man to cleanse his own heart. We have to go to God for that.
The heart is the basis for all issues of life. They asked Jesus why His disciples did not wash their hands before they ate. He told them it is not what goes in, it’s what comes out. All the issues of life proceed from the heart. That is what Jesus was explaining to them. Your heart is revealed by your deeds, and your deeds include your thoughts, speech, and actions. When your heart is not focused on loving God, you are going to have problems.
Road rage is prevalent everywhere these days. Someone cuts in front of you, and you go berserk. You are angry and shoot that driver. Wipe him out. People think it was the anger that caused the act. But the anger was only a symptom of something deeper, something that lay hidden in the heart. Here is how it may look graphically:
Heart Level Bitterness
Feeling Level Anger
Action Level Murder
Somewhere long ago, this person allowed a feeling to get hold of him. In this case, it developed into bitterness, which lay hidden beneath the surface. The final result was murder. This is why it is vital that we allow God to work on our hearts! We must be willing for Him to get out all the ugliness. Remember: we cannot cleanse our own hearts. David said, “Create in me a clean heart!” What a source of faith that verse can be to a hungry but hopeless heart! God creates out of nothing, and He can create in us anything that we need to have.
Prayerlessness
When God cleanses your heart through faith and the Lord Jesus fills you and gives you His Spirit, your response is to love Him and to serve Him. You want to be with Him, you want to spend time with Him. This business of prayerlessness is tripping so many people up. Why don’t we pray as we should? I look at my marriage, and know how much I enjoy the presence of my husband. That is how it should be with God. It is difficult to imagine not wanting to spend time with Brother Doty. What if I said, “Oh, he’s just a husband, I am not going to bother with him today. I am just going to do my thing, and he can fend for himself.” But I do communicate with him. I like to sit there and hold hands, or relax across the room from him. We don’t have to speak words, just be together. I like to commune with him.
So that is the way it should be with God. The stronger your relationship is with Jesus, the more you are going to want to be with Him. The more you are going to want to pray. The more you are going to want to be on your knees. The more you are going to be walking the floors and talking to Him. The more you are going to want to crawl up on his great big lap, saying, “DaDa, I love you.” If we don’t truly love Him, we are not going to make spending time with Him a priority. There will always be something else that comes first. That is another reason we must work on that relationship with Him.
There will be people coming to you who, year after year, try to change, try to be different, try to get rid of their anger, try to get rid of the hurt, the bitterness. Nothing has worked, so they start getting discouraged, feeling like maybe it’s not for me. Maybe it’s my cross to bear.We can have wishful thinking—Boy I wish I could be different. I wish I could be a powerhouse. I wish I could be normal like everybody else. I wish I didn’t have to be mad all the time. I wish I didn’t have to be depressed. I wish--
But solid mental health isn’t based on wishful thinking. This is based on Somebody whose name is Jesus. He is competent, capable and more than able to give you whatever you need, and to change your heart from the inside out. Give Him permission, and God can take your life and turn it around—upside down—put it back on the right track again.
We can change things on the outside. We can change our circumstances, change wives, change jobs; we can change hairstyles, wardrobes—pick up and move all the way across the country. We can do all these things, but we cannot change the core, the heart of our being. But He can. He can do it if we will submit to Him and allow Him to do it. We have that hope. He will do it for you. I don’t care how many times you have tried and failed. If you have been trying man’s way, no wonder it has not work. And it may be that you were trying God’s way, you were following the precepts of the Bible. Still, you say you could not change. If that is the case, it is not the Bible’s fault. The blame does not lie at the feet of Christ. It could have meant you were not quite willing to go the whole way with Him. Perhaps you were holding back a part of yourself. Perhaps you have been doing it for the wrong motives. But if all those things check out okay, then just hang on—your answer is coming. I am telling you it can be different. God fulfills His promises, and it is His promise to you that he wants to change you. That He wants you to be like Him.
Romans 8:28, You know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. According to His purpose, not ours. I have a decision right now that I have to make and this decision is going to involve a huge chunk of my life. I am anguishing over this decision. Lord, what do you want? You know it’s got to be His will, because if it is not, it’s going to be a big time mess. I am anguishing over that decision. His will is to give me peace about it. His will is to direct me. His will is to have me doing what he wants me to do, not what I think I want to do. Sometimes we think we know what’s best for us and it could not be further from the truth of what our Lord wants for us..
Proverbs 16:25, “There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.” Let’s give God the lead in our lives. Let’s give Him control.
Tests and Temptations
What is the difference between a test and a temptation? Does it matter? Do we really need to know? I believe it is beneficial, because it will help us to focus on making the proper responses to trials in our life. We need to understand things that perhaps our counselees may never understand. But there are things they need to be taught.
Every one of us is going to encounter different kinds of trials in this life. After all, life is like OJT (On-the-job-training). How will we ever learn how to be rulers and princes if we don’t get some training while on earth? God seeks to train us; Satan seeks to destroy us. God seeks to build and strengthen us; Satan seeks to defeat us. God teaches us to lean on Him with childlike trust; Satan tempts us to trust our own wisdom, to live according to our self-centered feelings, and to gratify the desires of our flesh. God wants to spend eternity with us; Satan wants us to spend an eternity in hell. Satan wants us to fail in all we try to do for God. In contrast, God’s will is for you to be an overwhelming conqueror in all of these things.
On one side we have a test, and on the other side, a temptation. The Bible tells us that God does not tempt us. God tests us. If we have a temptation, we know whom it is from, because he wants us to be defeated. He figures that if he can get us to give in to temptation, then we can be defeated. But we want maximum victory, so we are going to learn the difference between a test and a temptation, and the result of it. It has helped me in my own life, because it has kept me focused. Having this kind of knowledge has often given me purpose in the midst of a trial. It is important to be working for something--towards something.
Actually, a test and a temptation can be the same thing. Think about Abraham and Isaac. God said He was testing Abraham. He said, “Your son, your only son, the one you love, I want you to take Him up.” So it is a test, but every test can also be a temptation. How we respond to the things that happen to us will tell whether or not we are going to get maximum victory.
Abraham could have failed his test when he took Isaac up the mountain. The enemy of his soul could have come along and said, “Hey, Abe, why don’t you just get you a little lamb instead. I’ll even help you find one. Hath God not said He wants you to sacrifice an animal—what is this human stuff? God’s kind of mixed up on this one, don’t you think?” Can’t you just imagine how he could have been talking to Abraham, trying to cast doubt on God? What did he say to Eve?Did God really say? He could have said to Abraham, Did God really say that? Are you sure you didn’t imagine this? God doesn’t like human sacrifices. Did God say? The Bible does not record this, of course, but we do know that Abraham was human and surely must have had his own Gethsemane. Abraham could have succumbed to that temptation, but he didn’t. He passed the test.
(Now if that was me and I was called upon to sacrifice my only son, the son that I love so much, I would probably say, “Hey, devil come over here and give me all the reasons why I shouldn’t do this!” But that’s just me, don’t follow my example, please.)
So we see that a test is an opportunity for us to become Christ-like if we will choose to be obedient. A temptation, on the other hand, is a solicitation for us to disobey God. It can be the very same circumstance, but it can be both a test and a temptation. It is how you look at it and how you respond to it. Looking at it this way has helped me personally, because it eliminates a lot choices for me.
What are some temptations, can you think of some examples? Think of three and write them here:
An Example of Lying
What about lying to a friend? The little white lie. “I don’t want to hurt her feelings. And I can’t stand to see her feeling so guilty, I can just tell her, Well what you did really wasn’t all that bad.” That is what psychology does. Do you see how that kind of lie might lead a person away from repentance, when that might be just what she needs?
“It’s just a little white lie; I am just not going to be totally honest with her. Everything is relative.” We don’t like confrontations, so we lie to avoid them. Proper etiquette includes social euphemisms—those lies by other names that keep human relations functioning smoothly. Sometimes I think the devil wrote the first book on etiquette! There are ways to say things, and to avoid saying things, without lying. Let’s use our brains! Let’s be creative!
An Example of Cheating
Another one is cheating on a test. Boy, I have the answers right here; all I have to do is look at them. The teacher would never know. She never comes around. Then you have these open Bible tests. You can put a lot of crib notes in an open Bible. God would say, “Remember I don’t tempt you. But I am going to allow this because I want to test you. I want to see if you are going to cheat.” Are we going to cheat, lie to our friend? The choice is ours.
An Example of Wife Abuse
The devil says, That wife of yours, she never shuts up. Why don’t you just hit her in the mouth? God says, “I am going to let the devil tell you that. I am going to see what you will do. Last time that is exactly what you did, Son, you hit her in the mouth; she ended up in the hospital.” We look at cases like this and say, “Why doesn’t God stop this madness? Why doesn’t He strike him dead!” The Lord says, “No, darling, this is one of the results of sin. And besides, I love him. He’s my son. I hate what he is doing, I want him to repent, and do better. I want him to come up higher. I am going to work with him. I am going to tell him, Son, you don’t have to do that; you can be better than that.”
Also, God has given us the good sense to get out of a situation where we are being physically abused. We need to go to the pastor. But I’ve had people tell me they got no satisfaction from their pastor. In fact, I’ve seen some cases where the wife was abused even more. Pastors who blamed her. Pastors who told her to go back into the situation and stay there, that she could not get out of the marriage. And these dear women left their pastors feeling more condemned than ever. Pastors, please! Realize there is something else than divorce. Realize these husbands need help. Realize that it is not the wife’s fault if the husband “cannot” control himself.
And wives, get yourself into a better place, a safe place. Demand that your husband receive counseling and do not return to the home until he does. Many wives do not realize that this is the only chance they might have to save their marriage, with counseling as their leverage. The devil will do everything he can to intimidate you. Don’t allow it. The devil is a bully and he loves to use others to bully you. But have you ever noticed that bullies are just big cowards? Bullying others is their way to “feel” strong and powerful. The old expression “Life is fragile. Handle with Prayer.” When you feel your most vulnerable, most fragile, prayer can change even the most stubborn heart.
An Example of Stealing
Here’s another one. This happened to me. I was doing a two-day seminar at a fairly large church. There were some ladies there, apostolic Christians, who were known to sneak in without paying the registration fee. I happened to be standing outside one morning autographing books, when this one lady tried it. She was sneaking right by, and one of the workers called out, “Oh, Sister so and so, did you register yet?”Caught in the act!
But you see, something like this is stealing. This sister’s temptation probably went something like this: “They are wanting $50 for this. I need that money for something else. But I need this seminar, too. I don’t think God would want me to spend it here when I have a need over there.”
Sure enough, here comes the enemy, agreeing with you. “God doesn’t expect you to pay. You are different from the rest of them, besides they have enough money. Look at that auditorium; it’s full of people. All of them paid $50—look how much money! No one will ever miss your little $50. Besides, it’s all going to Sister Doty, anyway. She doesn’t need it. She’s got plenty of money. She writes books and travels all the time.” And you say, that makes sense. God doesn’t want me to pay. So you sneak in. You fail God’s test. You pass Satan’s temptation.
But God is saying something, too; He’s saying, “You can obey the devil if you want to, but I believe you can do better than that.” You choose to listen to God. So you go in and you say, “I could use that $50 to buy baby food, but I am going to go ahead and register and pay my money. I will keep my integrity.” Congratulations! You just passed God’s test! You brought a smile to His face! God tests individuals. He tests groups of people. How many times did he test Israel? He does it for our benefit and our instruction. When Satan tempts us, it is to destroy us.
But God does not permit people to test or tempt Him except when He gives you permission, as in Malachi. An example of tempting God would be—say that God did a very good thing for you. Say that He paid all your bills last month. All of them. You ended up with all these zero balances. God did it! He can do it! It is nothing to Him. Let’s say He did that. But you neglect to thank Him. Then you get another bill two weeks later, and set it aside, waiting for God to pay this one supernaturally, too. You are tempting Him. And the bill just sits there. He’s not paying this one.
Did you ever have a teacher brag on you, or your pastor, or your husband or wife? When people who are important to you brag on you, you feel good, because it shows that you pleased them. I am not talking self-esteem; I covered that in Apostolic Counseling. You feel good because you did a good job. You feel good about it. God said, I will not put more on you than you can bear. If I close a door, I’ll open a window. There is going to be way to escape. When God allows trials and tests to come to you, He is saying, in effect, “You can do it. I’ve got confidence in you. You can handle this.” His Word says He will not give us more than we can bear. If you are suffering and going through the biggest trial of your life, remember, He’s saying, you can do it. He believes in you. Together, you and He can handle this. Piece of cake. You say, “Oh God, I just don’t know. I’m about to die here!” God says, “With me—piece of cake, Child.”
The Three Temptations
"For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world." I John 2:16
Satan’s very nature is to get us to do evil. The ruler of this world uses three attractions of this world—the lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, pride of life. With his initial temptation of mankind, he used all three to get hold of Eve. He told her, look this is good for food, delight to the eyes. He said it is desirable to make one wise. That’s the pride. Oh boy, I can know as much as God. Can you imagine believing a serpent instead of believing God? But I probably would have done the same thing. Some people say, “Boy, if I had been Eve, I wouldn’t have done that!” But I can only conclude from the very nature of the enemy, that if I had been Eve, I would probably have done the same thing.
In Satan’s temptation of Job, his trials were aimed at the lust of the flesh, the eyes, and the pride of life. But Job was not overcome. All those chapters and chapters of Job’s suffering, and God just being silent; but in the end, God gave Job more than he had before.
David failed at the heart level when he responded to the physical attraction of Bathsheba. He failed at the action level when he deliberately watched her, and he made inquiry about her: “Wow! Who is this babe across the street?” Then he committed adultery with her, and then he planned her husband’s death. He had to wipe him out to save his pride. He later repented and was forgiven, but he had to pay the consequences for his sin. He paid for the rest of his life for what he did.
Jesus was tempted but he was an overwhelming conqueror. He set the example for us, to show us that we, too, can conquer. He kept His focus on things spiritual. He kept His focus on His purpose. So must we. What is our purpose? First, it is to please God. If we will just keep our minds on that, keep our thinking on that. Everything we do, let’s stop and ask, Would this please God? We will get our answer and we will know what to do. We have a choice then, we are going to either do or not do it.
Jesus put His unwavering focus away from himself and towards pleasing God. He was victorious. He was tempted in all points as we are, and therefore He understands us. He knows what it is like to be tempted. He understands the power of temptation. Jesus knows. But consider this: Jesus also knows that we do no have to give in to the temptation. Although tempted, Jesus did not sin. Neither must we. Tests and related sufferings are common to every follower of Jesus. These trials enable you to share in His suffering. You may be distressed in various tests, but any suffering you experience does not compare to the value of knowing Jesus Christ on a more intimate level.(Philippians 3:8-10) No matter what we suffer, nothing is compared to the value of knowing Him. It cannot compare to the glory that is revealed. (Romans 8:18.)
The Role of Suffering
Any suffering you have is just for a little while and God promises to perfect, to confirm, to strengthen, and to establish us after we experience the suffering. Peter said that (I Peter 5:10), you would never face any temptation that is not common to man. Satan lies, he will lie through his fangs to you. He will say you are the only one ever having to go through this. That is a lie. Here’s what the Bible says in I Corinthians 10:13: “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” Our temptations are not unique.That is a lie from him. He will tell you this. He will say your situation is so bad. There is just no hope for you. You’re so different from everybody else. Sure, everybody has trials and tests and temptations, but you’re special.
We claim so many things as our own! This is my diabetes, my depression, my suicidal ideation. This is my anger, my bitterness, my fear.You see how you make it yours, you become one with it and you make it a part of you—your very identity—and the devil says, “See? Nobody has it as bad as you! You are so depressed. You’ve got it really bad!” That is what he will tell you. He says, “Nobody is as broke as you are.Nobody has it as bad.” When you start hearing that, you can know the opposite to be true. When the devil tells you something, you know just the opposite is true. When the devil tells you that God is not going to use you—God has His plan. Because we know he is a liar. When we hear those lies, say, “Hey, thank you for telling me that, devil, I appreciate that. Because now I know the truth! Thank you, devil, for trying to tempt me. Now I know I can pass this test, piece of cake!”
One day while working feverishly to get this lesson finished, my new laptop computer crashed. The hard drive actually died. I lost an entire day of writing by spending it on the phone to tech support people. Then while Brother Doty was busy Fed-Exing the dead computer in for resurrection, I tried to boot up the dinosaur in the back room. It was wanting to give up the ghost, also. After the dust settled, I ended up with three computers (one borrowed), and two printers (one borrowed), and only one computer was half-way working, and none of the printers.
Then there were also people problems on top of all this. Two writing days were lost trying to counsel someone in another state. The devil attacked my family, my body, and my finances big-time. I told Brother Doty, “I’m about to lose it—time to go into my study and close the door.”
After a time of good prayer, I told my husband: “I’m proud of that old devil. He just convinced me that this course is going to help a lot of people. I’m more determined than ever that God is going to have His way in it! Thank you, devil, for encouraging me!” The point of this is—don’t believe his lies! The devil tries to tell us, “I’m in worse shape. I am going to be crushed under this one.” Notice how he can put this in the first person so you think it is you talking, not the enemy. Satan lies. Don’t you believe him! Don’t listen to him; don’t give him the time of day!
Lying is defined by Webster as being “an untruth, falsehood; something that creates a false impression,” etc. A falsehood is defined as being a statement that distorts or suppresses the truth, and an untruth is defined as being an incorrect statement. Remember this, there is but one way around telling the truth, and that is to lie. Any time a person undertakes to avoid telling the truth, he is going to lie if he says or does anything otherwise. Remember this also, there is no rubber in the truth—you cannot stretch the truth—and there are no “truthful liars.” (The Sin of Lying by Elder B. E. Echols)
Three Main Lies.
Lie #1: ____ is good for me.
Whatever that sin is, fill in the blank. That Double Whopper is so good, and good for me. What about spending time with the boss’ wife? You really shouldn’t be doing that, you know. Which lie are you are listening to? “I need a promotion. She can help.” Accepting one lie makes accepting others much more plausible. So you begin to listen to these lies. “It is good for me because it is going to get me a promotion. I am not going to give in to temptation. I am just going to spend a little time with her. I am just going to make her happy so she can go to her husband and recommend a raise and promotion.”
What about stealing from Macy’s? “I deserve a new dress for camp meeting. I don’t have the money, but Macy’s has so many dresses. They will never miss one.” If you believe that lie, you’ll end up sinning. As you go to Macy’s and walk down the rack and look—“That one there! I have got to have it. I love it. Got to have that dress! I can’t live without it. I can’t even go to camp meeting if I don’t have that dress.” You know the drill…. Not only believing lies, but you’re also getting into covetousness—a work of the flesh and outright sin—Colossians 3:5 tells us it is idolatry…..what does the Lord think about idolatry?
When we sin, we are telling ourselves that something is good for us when actually the Word of God is saying it is not good, it is bad for you.This is what sin is.
Lie #2: I can’t help it.
“The temptation is too big.” “He’s such a hunk.” “It’s too hard.” What about this one—“I am too weak. I just can’t stand up to that temptation.” What about: “I can’t pray tonight because I am too ill.” Somebody was telling me that she had begun to let up some in her prayer life. She said that God gave her the revelation that if you don’t pray, where is the covering for all your children and grandchildren?
I have heard these two: “I can’t help how much I love him, Sister Doty, God must have put it in my heart!” and “I know I have a husband, but I don’t think God really wants me with him because I am in love with this other man—plus, he’s more spiritual than my husband.” Another lie is this one: “What can it hurt? No one is going to know.” People into the “secret sins,” such as pornography, depend on this lie.
Lie #3: God understands.
“He knows I am weak.” And this one? “He knows I need food for my baby.” “He understands what I feel. He will excuse me. He understands that I can’t help it.”
“He understands that I am just a victim. He understands that 40 years ago I was abused and that is why I am the way I am now. I am a miserable wreck.”
“I am lying to everybody. He knows that I am lying because I am a victim so He is excusing it.” “He understands why I can’t forgive this person. I am a victim. God knows and He understands why I can’t forgive. He agrees with me, too. He is not making me forgive in this case.”
Do you see how these lies can become reality to us as we begin to believe them? The bottom line is this: Sin deceives and it kills. What we believe, we will do it. As you read the Word of God, begin to pray with David: “Create in me a clean heart. Lord, I have a black heart. I have been watching that pornography and I can’t stop.” Jesus said to His disciples, “Ye are clean through the Word that I have spoken to you.” Quit the pornography and get into the Word.
Let your trials be used by God to help you become more like Him. Romans 8:28, For His purpose. What is His purpose? Roman 8:29 tells you it is to be conformed to His image. To be conformed to the image of Jesus. To become like Him. To become Christ-like. That is what it is all about. So when you are tempted, say thank you, Jesus. I accept this, because you are letting me go through it for a reason. Somehow, it is going to mold me and build me and make me more like you. God, it might hurt for a while and I might cry, and I might scream and yell, but don’t get me off the cross Lord that you have me on. Let me suffer with you God, because I know when I have been tried, I will come out of the fire, and I will be like pure gold. We can thank Him when we suffer because of that. Teach your counselees how to talk to themselves!
Paul wrote about being ship wrecked. He wrote about being stoned. He said not only from outside, but from in the church, people he trusted were persecuting him. But Paul told us this: that he counted it all joy. We can get to that place, too. We can be like that. The more you practice the principles of the Bible, the more you will grow to fit the sandals Paul wore. You are going to know from this day forward that you can change. It doesn’t have to go on the way it has been going. It doesn’t have to go on that. Things are going to change.
Broger, John C. (Developer), “Self-Confrontation,” Biblical Counseling Foundation: Rancho Mirage, CA, 1991
Module 4
4 Understanding Body, Soul, and Spirit
For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Romans 8:6
In Romans 8, Paul is talking to the church at Rome. He is warning them that to be carnally minded is death. It is very important that we learn to be spiritually minded. To be spiritually minded is life and peace. Do you have peace in your life? Or are things always hectic, confused? Paul says the carnal mind is enmity against God. That means we become God’s enemy when we are carnally minded. “For it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So they that are in the flesh, will not please God.”
We need to learn how to change our thinking, how to go from the negative thinking to spiritual, godly thinking. As we do that, we will find tremendous changes in our life. Basically, there are two kinds of thinking—carnal thinking and spiritual thinking. We went into this in Lesson Two, but the topic bears to be repeated.
Carnal thinking is thinking on those things that are satisfying to the flesh, that pertain to the five senses—taste, touch, seeing, hearing, smelling. These are things the physical body does. When we habitually think about those kinds of things, we lapse into carnal thinking. That is why when we focus on a lie, for example, we become carnal.
A beautiful girl walks by; the man’s head turns. His thought is apt to be, “Say, she’s beautiful.” It is normal to admire beauty. But in this case, it needs to stop right there. If he begins to entertain thoughts about her, and he allows lust to come in, and he doesn’t check that and kick that out, the next thing he will be lusting after her. Lust will eventually lead to an actual act of adultery. I am pleased that Brother Doty is able to admire real beauty, even if it happens to be in another woman. But he’d better stop right there! Nip that thing in the bud!
James 1:14 says, “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.” We are made up of body, soul and spirit. I want us to get an understanding of that. The body is this thing on the outside. The soul is the next thing on the inside. The spirit is the very innermost part of man. We might describe the soul as being like some sort of intermediary. The soul reaches out either to the spirit or the body. If it reaches to the body, we will lean towards the carnal. If it reaches to the spirit, we lean towards the spiritual. We want to take control of our soul, which is our “Self.” Listen Self, you’re going to go after the spirit, and you are going to seek after spiritual things. We must be very forceful here, because the soul naturally gravitates to the flesh. That is the easier road. We must keep after Self relentlessly.
Romans 12:1, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.” Verse two: “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Paul mentions both the body and the mind but not the spirit. When we receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, God inhabits our spirit. He actually enters in and lives in the spirit of man. When we don’t obey Paul’s injunction in Romans 12, when we don’t present our bodies as a living sacrifice, we get out of the will of God.
The reason we have so many of our problems is because we are focusing on the carnal. This is why on Sunday night when we leave church, we feel good. We feel victorious. We have this week ahead of us. It’s going to be great. We are going to accomplish this and that and we are full of the Spirit. That is why we can be that way Sunday night, and yet on Monday night, we feel like losers. All during the day Monday, as we began to get caught up in trouble with the boss, the kids fighting, the teacher chewing us out—we begin to focus on these things instead of the things of God. Remember that what you focus on grows big. Our problems get bigger as our God gets smaller.
On some level, we understand that the Holy Ghost is all sufficient, and that truly, it is all we need. Yet, a lot of us, even though we have the Holy Ghost, we don’t have the victory. All we have is problems, hurts, and all the distressing things we can’t seem to get the victory over. We say, “Why Lord? I’ve got the Holy Ghost. I obey the pastor. I work hard for the church.” In such cases, usually the reason is because we don’t know how to access the Holy Ghost.
God is a Gentleman. He does not take over our wills, or force Himself on us. When we have the Holy Ghost and still not the victory, the problem is not with the Holy Ghost. The problem is that, more than likely, we are not filled with the Holy Ghost. Just because we have the Holy Ghost, does not mean that we are full of the Holy Ghost. In order to access the Holy Ghost, we need to be full of the Holy Ghost. More on this in Power Step 4.
Romans 12:3 tells us that God has dealt to every man the measure of faith. It says the measure, not a measure. It includes those who are not born again, and those who are. Everybody gets the measure. Without it, sinners would never be able to find their way to God. God created man with this giant, God-sized hole inside. He wants to fill that hole with Himself, but He will only do it when we are ready.
When we receive the Holy Ghost, and the Spirit of God begins to live inside of us, that measure of faith takes root and begins to grow. In Mark 4:31, Jesus talks about the grain of mustard seed. He says, “It is like a grain of mustard seed, which, when it is sown in the earth, is less than all the seeds that be in the earth.”
Take that one little tiny measure of faith, and when you add the Holy Ghost to it, it grows, and it blossoms, and it gets huge. When we recognize that faith is a spiritual function and belief is a mental function, we can understand that faith comes from within the spirit, and belief, from the soul.
I am going to draw a diagram, but only to illustrate a point. I don’t claim to know what the “real” soul and spirit look like, or even where they are located. I am only doing this is in an effort to bring it down to a level that we can understand. First of all, here is a circle.
This represents you, or me. This is the outer man, or the body. This is what others see when they look at us. Some people think that that is ALL we are. But we are much more! Now inside that circle, let’s draw another circle.
This represents the soul. Let’s draw this inside the body, and pretend that it looks like Figure 2. The soul is the mind of man. It consists of the emotions, the will, and the desires of man.
Now if we add yet something else inside that circle, we could say that represents man’s spirit. The human spirit, tucked way down deep.
Some people say, “Sis. Doty, the spirit and the soul are the same thing.” I have a different opinion and I have scripture to back it up. I believe that God’s creation, Man, is simple to God but somewhat complicated to us. When I read the Bible, I find a separate soul and spirit. I Thessalonians 5:23, And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Hebrews 4:12 says, “The Word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to thedividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (italics mine)
This dividing asunder is something that only the Holy Ghost, through the Word of God, can do. You and I cannot go in and divide the soul and the spirit. No psychologist can do it. Only the Word of God can do it. The Greek for soul is psuche, or “psyche,” which is where we get the word, “psychology.” Put together with “ology,” it designates the study of the soul. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, that is what we are doing at the moment. But the psychologist is dabbling in a province that belongs only to God. It can be very dangerous having another human being digging around in our souls. Knowledge does not determine spirituality. It won’t bring about the dividing of the soul and the spirit. Only the Holy Ghost can do this.
Man’s will is also part of the soul. Job 6:7; “The things that my soul refused to touch are as my sorrowful meat.” The soul made a choice; it refused. That was exercising the will. I once heard a professional runner say that, at the beginning of a race, everyone had the will to win. So if everyone had the will to win, and there could only be one winner, what made the difference? He explained all those things like determination and plenty, plenty of practice. Run, run, run, with all your might. Eight hours a day, all day, every day. The lesson I took away from hearing that was that we always have to be focused on the goal.
The runner went on to explain: to win a race, you have to be in great shape. You have to discipline your body. You have to watch what you eat and put healthy food inside your body. Can’t go out for pizza every night. Some scriptures come to mind:
Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway. I Corinthians 9:24-27
In other words, it is flowing out! It can no longer be contained in the vessel! This is truly the goal of all our counseling! Teaching. Explaining. Demonstrating. Helping the counselee to see that he o longer has to live a defeated, depressed life.
Let’s Get Practical
As I write this, I am looking at a bottle of water next to my computer. It has never been opened, and is advertised as a full bottle. But it isn’t. Not really. For it to be full, it has to be all the way up to the brim. This bottle has space between the top line of the water and the cap. God’s standard of fullness is not the same at the world’s. When I am speaking somewhere, I enjoy demonstrating what a full glass really is. I will take a glass and pitcher of water to the podium. Then I will hold the glass up and pour from the pitcher. and have been known to spill some of it on the pulpit or the carpet as I demonstrate the true definition of “full”—overflowing, running down the sides.
Practically speaking, what does it mean to be filled with the Holy Ghost? Since the Holy Ghost cannot be measured, we know that we are not talking about quantity when we speak of being full. We are talking about submission to God. If you are filled, you are completely submitted. You are totally turned over to God. You are a willing vessel that, whatever God says, you are going to do it. You want to do it. You desire to do it. Your whole spirit and soul and body is preserved blameless.
The Degrees Of Submission. I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14
“Now set your heart and your soul to seek the LORD your God.” I Chronicles 22:19
Just like the winning runners, we must actually set our soul to do something. “Soul, today you are going to seek after God. Soul, today, you are going to eat the bread of life.” You make that conscious choice of will.
The intellect is part of the soul. Proverbs 19:2; that the soul be without knowledge, it is not good. Lamentations 3:20; my soul hath been still in remembrance. We see in Proverbs 2:10: when wisdom entereth into my heart, and knowledge is present into my soul.
That to which the soul relates affects all three of these properties. John 6:63, says, “It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.” The original Hebrew word for life and breath of life is (Chai-*). It is in the plural. It implies two forms of life, the soul life and the spiritual life. That is what the breath of life was. So it is not God’s own uncreated eternal life that we receive, but it is created life. We don’t receive eternal life until after we are born again. We have created life before we are born again.
The Spirit of God, Job says, has made me, the breath of the Almighty gives me life. The created spirit is permanent in its existence, the born again spirit is inhabited by the Holy Ghost. Be filled with it! And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit. –Ephesians 5:18
Paul was not addressing sinners in this letter; he was writing to the church at Ephesus. He was telling saints of God, who had already received the Holy Ghost, to be filled with the Spirit. This leads us to understand that it is necessary to stay prayed up, to stay filled—full—of the Holy Ghost. Let the Spirit permeate body, soul, and spirit!
In Acts 5:15 we read: “Insomuch that they brought forth the sick into the streets, and laid them on beds and couches, that at the least the shadow of Peter passing by might overshadow some of them.”Do you remember how the apostle Peter would walk down the street so full of the Holy Ghost that people would try to get to his shadow? I remember reading accounts of some of the old warriors. I read how they would go into factories and just walk through that place and people would fall down, weeping and repenting. These men of God never touched the people, never said a word, but they were so full of the Holy Ghost, it flowed out and made contact with sinners.
Now we have the Holy Ghost living in us, too, so why doesn’t something like that happen when we pass by? What happens is when we keep it locked up in our spirits, we are not accessing it. To access something means to get at it—like a bank account—gain access to it. In other words, unlock it and open it up and let it have free rein. It is sort of like we have tied God’s hands. We think, Wow, I have the Holy Ghost. I should be doing this and doing that, but what we need to do is have that Holy Ghost come out, illuminate the soul, come out through the body. As it does, everyone around us is going to feel the Holy Ghost. That is being full of the Holy Ghost. That is where the whole person is full of the Holy Ghost—in fact, overflowing.
Study Figures 1, 2, and 3 again until you grasp this. Figure 4, below, depicts what we should be like if we were walking like Peter.
What difference does all this make?” For a lot of people, no difference. We don’t have to know all this to shine for God. We can be ignorant of these facts. A lot of people are. They don’t have a clue about their soul and spirit. They don’t go there, they are not interested—but they are into the Word. The Word is doing its job. They are living solid, victorious lives. But you as a counselor need to understand these things. And for others—who have been struggling for years and seemingly getting nowhere—the revelation can make a huge difference, and it is or job of counselors to teach them about this if this could be what they need.
The Holy Ghost, through the Word, identifies what belongs to the soul and what belongs to the spirit. The Holy Ghost uses the Word of God like a sharp knife. It is going to expose the deep and hidden things inside of you. That is why you have to be willing. This kind of surgery can hurt. I know somebody who stopped reading the Word, because everything that he read would bring conviction. It was revealing those hidden things. He had a choice to give up the sin or give up the Bible. He chose to give up the Bible. That was the wrong choice.
We learn how to hear the Holy Ghost speaking to us. Whenever we can be quiet before the Lord….whenever we can be in His Word, we learn what His voice sounds like. He convicts us of sin, instructs us in righteousness, and encourages us. When God talks, we need to listen, and obey Him. If we obey, we are assured victory, because we will be in the will of God. Whenever we disobey, we get outside of His will—now, let’s park here for a moment.
Permissive Will of God?
I overheard someone talking today about the so-called permissive will of God. Some people will say something is the permissive will of God, and feel okay about doing it. I have my opinion on that, and I can’t say that I spent years in a seminary studying it. But I cannot say I believe in a permissive will of God. God has a will for you. He has a purpose for you and a plan for your life. He has an everyday will for you and me.
Look at Sarah and Abraham. Sarah might have said, “Well I have the permissive will of God to go out and use Hagar to have this baby.” But the will of God was expressed. He told Abraham what He wanted. “You are going to be the father of many nations. You are going to have a child by Sarah.” That was His will.
Since God did not stop Adam and Eve from eating the fruit, they could have said it was His permissive will—but was it? Remember: God had commanded them not to eat of it.
I prayed about remarriage for over twenty years and never heard from God on the subject—I could have married a man of my choosing, and not wait for God’s choice. In fact, I almost did. But each time I tried to take a step in that direction, God put up some kind of block. I was headed for disaster, but at least I was sensitive enough to let God lead. Had I pushed on through, I cannot believe it would have been His “permissive will.” I think there is a lot of unnecessary suffering in the church today because we get involved in things that are not the will of God.
God gave us Romans 8:28, and I know He can bring something good out of our mistakes. He is the One who gives beauty for ashes. God created us as free agents with individual likes and dislikes. If I choose a green car instead of a blue one, I don’t think it has to do with a permissive will. Some things we can just simply enjoy!
If that green car, however, had an internal problem that only God (and maybe the salesman who kept saying, “Trust me”) knew about, God could put out some signals to lead me to make another choice.
It is not like God is saying He will permit us to do such-and-such. It is more like God saying, “Looks to me like you’re going to do it anyhow.” To me that is not permissive will, that is disobeying God. It is getting out of His will. Look at the problems that Sarah and Abraham had after that. Look at the problems we are having today because of that—the descendants of Hagar and Sarah are still going at it.
David got out of the will of God when he looked upon Bathsheba. God forgave him because he repented thoroughly. But David suffered the rest of his life. That was not the will of God. He could have said, “Oh, I’m sure it is the permissive will of God that I have this woman.” Don’t fall for that. Find the will of God and do it. Otherwise, your child might be playing on a busy airport runway and saying he has Mama’s “permission.”
The Personal Will of God for Me
While we are in the body, the soul rules, in that it decides which nature it is going to live by—the spirit or the flesh. That is the decision that your soul (Self) has to make everyday. What we want your counselees to do is stay in that Word of God so much that their soul is going to be absolutely saturated with it! It is going to know what to do at every turn. It is going to know what to reach for. It is going to reach for the spiritual things, because you are feeding it spiritual things. It is not going to be reaching out for this party over here, and this new possession over here, this new Porsche over here, this race over here. There are many things that are not inherently wrong. They can be perfectly innocent. But they might not be God’s choice for us. We can get so caught up in worldly things.
What are we going to do after church when the gang is headed out for Denny’s, and God comes and whispers, “Anna, I want you to stay a little while at the altar. I want to talk to you. I want us to be together.” And we hear that, and we want to do that, but yet our flesh is saying, “I want to go to Denny’s.” You see, it’s a choice. Every day we have bunches of choices to make. We need to train ourselves to make spiritual choices. God is saying, “Stay here a few minutes. Let’s just be together.” And the flesh is saying, “I’m hungry.” Let’s make the choices one at a time what He is asking us to do. When we do that, I promise this, you will be happy. You will be fulfilled. You will have joy.
Just Being Together
Who knows why He wants to be with us—God just loves us! I was reading this book about a man’s cat always jumping up onto his lap when he was trying to pray. That happens around my house a lot. I go over and get in my “prayer chair,” and begin to pray. Here come Morelli and Martha, one or both, jumping up on my lap. They plop down on my Bible. I say, “Get out of here. This is my prayer time.” Then they jump right back up. They just want to be with me.
This is how we should be with God. These cats can be frustrating sometimes, when I am trying to pray or trying to read the Word. Here’s Martha walking all over the Bible, turning circles in my lap, her tail flicking across my face. But I love her. I enjoy her. God loves us. He enjoys us. He enjoys our company. He says, “Let’s just be together.” It’s neat when God says that. That is what prayer is, being together with God. I can pray in the chair, I can pray standing, I can pray kneeling, and I can pray walking. I could pray standing on my head if this old body could get into that position. The thing is that we are communing with God, just being in His presence.
Sometimes Brother Doty is in his recliner and I am in my recliner and we’re sitting across from each other, not talking, just enjoying being together. I am aware that he is there. He is aware that I am there. You’ve experienced this with your husband or wife. You are in the same room and you feel the other’s presence. You enjoy it. You get strength from it. That is how it should be with God. We don’t always have to be talking. A lot of times He wants to tell us something, but we are so busy talking that He can’t even get through. Sometimes God has to say, “Hold it—listen up!” We can be so caught up with what we are praying that we forget to listen.
What Constitutes the “Soul?”
Emotions are part of the soul. The spiritual man can activate emotions. For example, the spiritual man responds to music. That’s why we use music in the church. But emotions are also activated by the physical sense. Hot, cold. You smell a good perfume. It makes you feel good. Most people get a sense of joy when they smell a good perfume. I love to wear good perfume. Every now and then I will get a whiff of it, and a sense of well being follows.
Why do I say that emotions are part of the soul? I Samuel 18:1, “… that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” Love is an emotion. Deuteronomy 14:26; “…for whatsoever thy soul desireth: thou shalt rejoice.” Desires can be emotions.1 Samuel 30:6, “The soul of all people was grieved.” Grief is an emotion.
Ready, Set, Go!
It might be fun if you went to your kitchen and tried this little demonstration with me. Take a glass from the cabinet and walk over to the sink. Pour in about an ounce of water. When you have done that, take a good look at your glass. You learn that you can have that water all the way down to the bottom of the glass. Have you ever felt depleted in the Holy Ghost? I have, too. That is when the Living Water is all the way down in the bottom of our vessel. We are even wondering, “Have I lost the Holy Ghost? Oh, I feel so dry. I feel so empty!” No wonder we feel so empty, we are depleted. We let the Holy Ghost kind of “leak out.” What all this shows us is that we can have the Holy Ghost and yet not be filled.
God’s Spirit, as we have seen, is not something we can measure. We can’t put it in the bucket and say, “Well, here’s the Holy Ghost in this bucket.” The way we determine if we are full is how deeply are we submitted to God. In your little experiment in your kitchen, you saw that water can be anywhere along that glass. One tablespoon, four ounces, six, overflowing. This is also how we experience God on a day-to-day basis. We realize the necessity of prayer in being filled. The more we pray, the more the water seems to rise in that glass. But why is it, then, that people can pray and still be depleted? Still lack victory? I personally know people who pray a lot, and still remain depressed.
The Problem with our Prayer
It is not unusual to find yourself teaching your counselee—who could very well be a seasoned saint or a credentialed minister—how to do the simple, basic things involved in the Christian life. This is not saying they are backslid, or no longer love the Lord. It is saying they are tired and weary and have gotten distracted by the cares of this life. Being filled with the Spirit begins with prayer. We pray, “God, I’m so tired of being empty. I need to be full.” A lot of times what we will do is pray until we feel God—and I am guilty of this—we say, “Okay, I prayed. Now I’ve got to go.” But actually, once we’ve touched God, that is just the beginning. Now is the time to stick around and get strong in the Spirit. Get some real business done with Him! We need to learn to lay aside our schedule, our agenda and focus on what the Lord has for us.
We can learn so much about our relationship with God from our own children. If you have ever had a child leave home, maybe for college, and then come back to visit, you will probably relate to this. They race into the house, greet you, fling their stuff down on the bed—and then are off to visit old friends! “Hey! Come on! Let’s talk. Let’s catch up. Let’s be together.” But the kid is speeding off. That’s how it can be when we go to God—we get there, knock, knock, knock. God answers. Hi God. He touches us. “Well, I have to go. Got to get busy doing Your work. See you later, Lord.”
To get real victory in prayer, we must be willing to stay there long enough. I struggle in this area. I have a hard time sitting still in one place any length of time. But try very hard to make yourself stay put. “Listen soul, you’re going to stay here until you are full. Until there is living water coming over the edges and it is spilling over.”
Another thing about prayer: I think a lot of us could do with changing the way we pray. Many of us are not keeping filled with the Spirit and not getting victory because we are praying wrong. We need to stop all the whining and start doing some power talk. There is a time, and we all know this, when we have to be on our face in tears before God. There is a time when we need to supplicate and to intercede for others. There is a time when we must go to God in repentance. But not every prayer session! And not the entire length of every prayer session.
We can drift into some pretty bad habits of prayer. I get so tired of a whining child, don’t you? It’s hot, the child is tired and sleepy and sweaty. And whiny. Then there’s the child who is always tattling. I can get so tired of hearing it. But I have caught myself whining again to God, tattling on somebody who treated me wrong. It’s almost like “Go get ‘em, God!” Are you relating? And the Lord brought Joshua to my mind when He told him, “Get thee up; wherefore liest thou thus upon thy face? Up! Sanctify!” In other words, let’s get this show on the road.
When you are weak spiritually, it is all right to go to God and tell Him all about it. He knows it already, and will listen to His child pour his heart out. But after you have done that, refuse to grovel in it. Begin to use the Word. Jesus, at His very weakest, spoke the Word against the tempter. We must, too. Arise, stand up, get your Bible, and begin to walk throughout your home speaking out the Word of God. Let His Word fill the rooms to the ceiling! Learn how to “Power Talk.” Serve notice on hell, that God is alive and well and still on the throne. God is still in control; He has not been befuddled one single second!
Open your mouth wide and speak out faith. Speak out victory! You’ve got to learn to pray the Word—spit it out! Get it going into the atmosphere! The Word of God is electrifying! Life-changing! Healing! Delivering! Awesome! Grab hold of this. This is powerful stuff! Once you get hold of it, your life will change dramatically.
Example of Rejection
It is so important that we realize that we do have a choice in this matter. We are not victims of fate. We are not victims of our circumstances. Myles Young recently preached an awesome message in Sacramento: “The Revelation of Rejection” was the title. We are rejected, so we feel, “Well I am a victim. Poor me.” What we have to learn is, “Okay, I was rejected. It hurt, but I am going to get on with it. I am not going to stay back there. That person that rejected me, that person that brought me all that hurt, I am not going to let him control my life.” That is what we so often do. Say someone abused you 40 years ago and today you are still bitter and angry. You still won’t forgive that person. What you are doing is letting that person control you now. They controlled you when you were small and helpless. But now here you are Six-foot-two and they are still controlling you. They don’t care, they don’t even think about you. Somewhere you have to rise up and say, “Hey, I’m putting a stop to this. I refuse this. I am going to be controlled by the Holy Ghost and I am going to make the right choices.”
YouTake Control Without the body or the spirit, the soul would only be conscious of self. The soul is conscious of what it comes in contact with. I’m conscious of what this skin feels like because it is part of my physical body. It has fingers on the end of the hand, toes on the feet. My soul is aware of what’s “out there” because of the body. I can read the Word of God and then my soul becomes aware of God through the spirit. This is how the soul becomes aware of things outside of its self. The soul (Self) has a natural tendency to take the easy way. It doesn’t want to put out a lot of effort. It doesn’t want to have to work hard at getting anything—and the flesh does indeed offer the easy way. That’s why there is a continuing battle between flesh and spirit. The soul, the intermediary, is naturally inclined to take the easy way. Thus Jesus urged us to die daily.
Make the right choices. Choose to do what the Spirit of God is telling you. Stay after church and pray at the altar. Bask in His presence instead of going to Denny’s. Denny’s can wait. We can go there any time. You might never pass this way with God again. Tonight, go home and get a cracker—after you finish basking in the presence of God. The more you bask in His presence, the less you want food.
Train your mind. Teach it the proper things on which to focus. Make that soul of yours choose the things of God. The mind must be renewed and changed by God and committed to the Spirit, after we receive the Holy Ghost.
While we are in the body, the soul rules, in that it decides which nature it is going to respond to. That is why it is critical that we feed it properly. This body, soul, and spirit is biblical, yet this is what people like Sigmund Freud put warped names to like id, ego, and super ego—conscious, subconscious, and unconscious. They changed God’s Word, twisted it around to make it into something that Man could control. Body, soul, and spirit have been around since Genesis chapter 2, verse 7. God reached down into that earth and formed man, breathed into him, and man became a living soul.
1 Corinthians 15:44 tells us our natural body will be raised a spiritual body. We know that when we get through with this body, this external thing that houses the “good stuff”—when we go to be with Jesus, we are going to have a spiritual body. Our present clay body exists in the physical realm and through it we become world conscious. God knew we would have to be aware of what is going on around us. How else would we drive the car? Walk across a parking lot?
Once I was teaching a night class on the college campus in Sacramento. It was raining hard when we left the classroom and made our way to the parking lot. I was hurrying along, chatting away, not paying a bit of attention to where I was going—and I tripped and toppled right over a curb. When I finished crawling out of the mud, I had some scrapes and bruises. My point is—we need to be aware of our surroundings. The spirit can only rule when the soul wills to be humble. If the soul doesn’t will that, then the flesh will dominate. There again is that battle between the flesh and the spirit. We have to say, “Soul, you will humble yourself and you will do what the spirit says.” I am telling you people, you can do it. You can make this choice.
God did not create us as puppets to exist without choice. He has given us choice. He wants us to choose Him. He says, “Stay with me. Let’s spend more time together. Go visit that neighbor over there and tell them about the gospel.” He allows you the choice to obey or not. God lives by the same rules He set in motion.
I want to feed my soul the Word of God and things spiritual. Sometimes when we get dry and that living water in our vessel is depleted, we don’t want to read the Word. We don’t want to pray. God loves us even when we act human—maybe even because of our humanity! Just like I love our Morelli and Martha because they’re our cats. They are unique, they are different. I don’t expect them to be humans (even though they think they are). They hop up on the bed and get between us at night. Here comes Martha and she will plop down on my arm. If she doesn’t get our attention that way, she starts walking on us. We could just throw her out and lock the door, I suppose. But we love her, we love her company, we enjoy her. We put up with some of these little things just to be with her. We can learn a lot about God and how He cares for us just by observing our own interactions with our pets.
I once had a cat named C.B. When God called me away from my home and everyone that I loved, He gave me C.B. He was such a sensitive little animal that he would dry my tears when I cried myself to sleep from the loneliness of missing the ones I had left. Perhaps I cannot dry God’s tears, but if I do something that hurts Him, I want to correct it. I don’t want to cause my God grief. God could throw us out and lock the door—but I am thankful He does not!
We can go to God. Crawl up in His lap. Abba, DaDa. I need some attention. We might not use those words. Sometimes it is hard to express what we are feeling, but He knows, “Hey, my child is needing some attention right now. I am going to reach down and stroke her, feed her, love her because I am her God and she is my child.” He might say, “This is my son, and he has to be tough all day, tonight I’m going to just hold him.” God knows our hearts. But we have to go to Him. He can’t stroke our foreheads if we are running and hiding from Him. Like Adam and Eve. And isn’t this what we do—hide from God, especially when we have been “bad?” When we stepped out of His will, when we didn’t obey, when He asked us to do something and we chose not to. We say, “Well I blew it this time. God’s through with me now.” But is He really? Doesn’t God know that we are human? Doesn’t He know that we have all this stuff going on inside of us? Listen to David’s cry in Psalm 103:10-13: “He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.”
He knows we are going to make wrong choices, that we will make mistakes. He even knows that, yes, we will even sin. God knows the ending from the beginning, and since that is true, I believe He has already made provision for all our mistakes. He has already worked them into the tapestry called our life. The God we serve is so big, and so all-knowing, and so wonderful, He can do anything He wants to! And for His children, He does only good things that will further His awesome purpose for their lives.
Don’t you think He knows we are going to marry the wrong person long before we do? And yet now God has blessed that marriage, for example, with children. If we are spiritually minded, and things go wrong, and we think we don’t even like that mate any more, we will probably choose to stay in that marriage. We would choose to give our best in that marriage. We would recognize that our job is to continue to bring “Self” under submission, and God can restore even the deadest marriage to life once again. I’ve seen Him do it over and over!
I had someone tell me recently that her marriage is beyond hope. She felt the only thing that they could do is get a divorce. I said, “Let’s see what the Bible says.” So we began to dig into the Word of God. Now that person has hope again for her marriage. I asked, “Do you want it to work?” When you want it to work, God will honor that desire. He hates divorce. If you married someone outside the church, then you come in, get the Holy Ghost, and are living for God, that is not the time to say, “Well, I think I married the wrong person. I think I need to go get someone else. Someone more “spiritual,” so we can serve God together.”
That’s not God’s way. We want to stay with that spouse and do everything we can. When we have God between us, in us, living in us, we can do anything. The Bible says that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. He will give you strength to stand! He will give you strength to build a good marriage! He will do it! He can take a broken marriage and He can put it back together. He can take a broken heart, a broken life, and put it back together because that is God’s business. He is a fixer-upper. The Repairer of the breach.
I want to share this promise with you: Isaiah 58:9-12:
“Then shalt thou call, and the LORD shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am. If thou take away from the midst of thee the yoke, the putting forth of the finger, and speaking vanity; And if thou draw out thy soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul; then shall thy light rise in obscurity, and thy darkness be as the noon day: And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not. And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places: thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in.”
The Tabernacle
In the Old Testament tabernacle, the outer court came first. Anyone could go into the outer court. Next was the Holy Place. The priests go in there. But the Holy of Holies. That was where God lived. The people made a tabernacle for Him to dwell in. This has all changed now because this body is the tabernacle. We are what He lives in now. We are the tabernacle of today. Everybody can look at our bodies. They can look at our fingernails, our head, and our faces. But God Himself dwells in our Holy of Holies. Only the high priest could go into this special place. And he’d better not have any hidden sin in his life, either, or he would never come out again.
Revelation 1:6 says, “And hath made us kings and priests unto God and his Father, to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.” Since Calvary, we serve the function of priests. Peter calls us a royal priesthood.
“You Light Up My Mind”
We need to have our souls all lit up. How do we do that? With the things we think about, the things we love, the things we focus upon. Do we think about godly things? Brother Doty was so sweet this afternoon. We were having lunch. He was sitting across the table from me with his eyes closed. There was instrumental music playing in the background, and he was making up words to it. He was singing about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. He could picture Him there. God has love for us that is so great. Brother Doty is always thinking about God. He’s always thinking about the things of God. I have to pull myself in. You are going to think about this stuff, too, Soul! You are going to stop thinking about how that waitress needs to bring the tea over here, Soul! So there he is, seeing Jesus in the Garden and just meditating on Jesus and how he gave His life for us. Then he sees Mary, and Jesus saying to her, “Go and tell the disciples and Peter.” My husband loves to tell people that the most important message ever preached was preached by a woman—He is risen!
We need to concentrate and to focus on the things God likes. It illuminates the mind. It fills it with light. When our soul stops bragging and clamoring for attention, God can speak. We must bring ourselves to a standstill, get quiet before the Lord. I had to do this tonight. Everything was going wrong. I got so rattled. Anything that could go wrong was going wrong. I finally went in to my prayer room. Why do we always wait and put prayer last? I had to feel that Spirit inside of me and get back in touch with Him again. Instead of using our intellect to get what the body wants, we need to quiet our activities. Get in touch through prayer, through worship, through mediation, through eating that Bread of life. Get in touch with what God wants us to have. God wants to pour Himself into our minds so He can make us like Himself. Do you want to be like Him? Do you really? If anybody ever was an example of the fruit of the Spirit it was Jesus. We should be working towards that with every decision, every choice, we make.
In Ephesians 3:16-19 we read, “That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.”
So we see that when we receive the Holy Ghost, it does not necessarily strengthen the inner man because Paul is talking here to the Ephesians who have already received the Holy Ghost. Getting the Holy Ghost is just the start of it. That’s the beginning of a walk that is going to be so exciting. It is not the end. A lot of people say, “Well, Acts 2:38, that’s it folks, I’ve made it.” That’s the beginning. We can’t do much of anything until we do Acts 2:38. Then when we do Acts 2:38, we are on a path. God sets us on the path. Walking with God is exciting. It is not boring. If it is boring, something is wrong. You are probably not doing His will. If you are doing His will, it is exciting. He wrote this to the Ephesians’ church and it applies to us today. That passage ends with the fullness of God. We need to be full of God!
What does the strengthening of our soul accomplish? We read that as yielding. It involves grounding and rooting in love. A strengthened soul is a mind that is set, that is determined to do God’s will. I hope you will practice these things, practice making godly choices every day. You begin to work at it, and soon you will know when you are making the wrong choice. You will know when you are feeding the flesh instead of the spirit. Begin every day with prayer. “God today, help me to make all the right choices. Lord, if I begin to choose something wrong, quicken me, convict me. Help me to choose what you want for me.”
You see, God has a plan and a purpose for the life of every person who comes and sits across the desk from you. In order to fulfill that plan, He’s got a day-by-day plan. Most of us use planners. In Leadership training, we learn how to set long-term goals. Those goals are broken down into objectives. That is what God’s will is. He broke it down into objectives for us. “Today, these are my objectives for you and you need to do these so we can be working towards the big goals that I have for you, towards that purpose for your life.” Our life purpose is big, and it’s awesome. We can’t see it all. All we can see is just a little bit of it—if we’re watching carefully!
When we become spiritually minded, we no longer have to go to God every day begging Him to show up His purpose for us, His plan for our life. Because it becomes a simple matter of just living for Him, and resting in the knowledge that God is God and that I am walking into that purpose without even thinking about it.
Getting into the Word
I want you to turn to these two scriptures in your Bible. The first one is John 8:12, “Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.” Then, Matt 5:14, “Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.”
Jesus is saying that we are the light of the world. That means we have Him in us. The physical Jesus has gone somewhere else. His body ascended. He says, I am the light of the world, and another place, He says you are the light of the world. In order for your light to shine: Here’s the light of the world, right here. It is tucked down inside of us in our inner heart. It is tucked away. Yet we are the light of the world. That means that since He’s not here in the body, the world has to see Him through us. We have to let that the light can shine through. In order to do that, we have to be in touch with that light that is inside of us.
Proverbs 20:27 says that “The spirit of man is the candle of the Lord, searching all the inward parts of the belly.” Jesus speaks about the light in Matt 5:15-16, “Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”
Those are good scriptures to memorize and mediate on. We are the light of the world. Let our light so shine. Right here, tucked away, that thing inside that we hardly ever access. We have been doting on soulish things rather than spiritual. This is how we are living instead of living by the Spirit of God. We need to let our light so shine, Jesus said, that men may see our good works and glorify the Father. That is how we bring God glory. It is possible to have the human candle lit with the Holy Ghost, yet cover that candle. Like putting a basket on it or a bushel, we hide that light, because we sneak away inside ourselves. We get wounded, we hurt. We get mad. We get angry. We get jealous. We hide that light. It can’t shine. People can’t see it. It brings God no glory. We are shut in inside our walls.
Every person who receives God’s Spirit has the task of breaking the shell of the carnal nature so that God’s Spirit can come shining out. By putting a covering over the candle, we are blocking the light. It is the spirit of man that is in the candle. A covered human spirit will inhibit the light of God’s Spirit within from shining out. Jesus said in John 12:24, “Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.” For something new to be born, something old must die. Paul warned about looking back into the past, at the former things. We must run the race that is set before us, reaching for the prize! God will do a new thing in people’s lives if they just let Him. He is taking folks higher than they had ever imagined. When you feel yourself begin to soar, be willing to let go of the old. Rise with the eagles and soar to great heights in God! Invite the turkeys to come along with you, but if they refuse, come ahead without them. Toss out those worn old shoes no matter how comfortable they are. Reach for the new that God has planned for you, that is part of His purpose for you.
Tell your people: “You must reach, and you must stretch. You will walk through places that can seem frightening at first, but that will grow more comforting if you don’t turn back. It is a rugged path that you are about to embark on, but your step will be sure. And remember, above all, it will be worth it all.”
Module 5
5. The Marriage Relationship In the Beginning… One Man and One Woman
Marriage, often referred to as “holy matrimony,” is very precious to God. He cares very much about our marriages. He is the One who instituted it from the very beginning.
In Genesis One, we read a very familiar story, the creation story. We know how in seven days, God created the earth. We don’t know how long a day was, but we know it had an evening and a morning. I tend to believe that this was the beginning of “time” as we know it today—a twenty-four hour day. We don’t really need to know all of that, but we do need to know that on the sixth day, God came forth with His crowning creation. It was on the sixth day that He created man. Genesis 1:26: “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”
So we see, in the very beginning, he created male and female. These days, many people say it’s okay, male with male, and female with female. But the Word of God says, male and female. He knew what He was doing. God had a plan.
Go to the next chapter, chapter 2, verse seven: “And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul. And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.” So we see that He reaches down into the ground and takes that old mud and shapes it into a man. Then God takes His creation and places him in a beautiful garden.
We know how God said that it was not good for the man to be alone. God knew all about loneliness. That was why He created man, to be His companion. He created us for companionship. He likes to be with us. He realized what it was like to be alone. and He knew that this man that he created needed somebody. He needs some physical body. It is not good for him to be alone. He said, “Let’s find a help meet for him.”
So in verse 21, “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof.” Why didn’t God reach down into the dust like He did to make Adam? That’s what I think I would have done. I would say, “That worked quite well. I got a nice handsome dude here. Now all I have to do is the same thing over again. Why knock success?” In science, they call it replicating an experiment. You are going to do everything exactly the way it was done the first time. But God—well…. God doesn’t always do the same thing twice. God answered one prayer one way, and we say, “Boy, that’s how He is going to answer this one.” He didn’t do that. God put Adam on His divine operating table and slapped the anesthesia to him. Anyone ever have surgery? Adam went to sleep, just knocked out cold. While Adam was asleep, God did His surgery. He goes in and removes a rib. “And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.”
God already had everything he needed in Adam. Adam was complete. God did not need to create from scratch this time, because woman was already in man. In the very beginning, before He created Eve, God created male and female. So for Him to make female, all God had to do was go inside Adam and take her out. And that is what He did. He took the rib out. That is so cool. And it explains why husband and wife need each other so very much. One is not complete without the other. You are not complete without your wife! You are not complete without your husband!
Almost all funerals include the words: dust to dust, signifying that from dust man came and to dust he is now returning. But what about women? If woman came from a rib, then what happens to women when we die? Do we go back to dust or do we turn into a rib? Can’t you just imagine going into a funeral home and there is a rib lying in the casket. “Well, that’s what left of that woman. That is her remains.” No, we go back to dust, because originally, we were dust. We were part of Adam. That is why God removed the rib instead of getting more mud and forming a woman.
We read that God brought this woman to Adam. Can’t you imagine how he might have reacted? Can’t you imagine Adam, “Ooh la, la, what is this! He brought her to the man. Like special delivery. Federal Express.
A Couple of Housekeeping Points
When engaging in the thrilling/sometimes frustrating job of trying to help mend a marriage, you will want to have both of them there. Husband and wife. Both need to be present in a counseling session. You need both sides of the story. And the last thing you want is a gossip session. “He said, he did, he hurt me….” Talking behind someone’s back and that person has no way to defend him/herself is not the goal of marriage mending.
Another thing: be aware of the kinds of questions you are asking. We discuss this at length in another lesson but let me mention here it in the specific context of marriage. “Why are you here, Bob?” Bob shrugs his shoulders. “Janet made me come.” “Why did she do that?” Again he shrugs. “I don’t know.” This sets the stage for a fight between Janet and Bob. At some point she will jump in and begin accusing him, and he will respond defensively. “Bob, why do you think Janet feels this way?” You can see that you will not gather much information about the real issues between this couple.
My husband epitomizes the ideal marriage relationship to me, so I want to go into a little detail at this point. This is not to say that he has not made me angry, or frustrated, because he has. I have said many times, Lord, I did not ask for patience yet you sent me this man! But the truth is, I don’t think I could write this lesson without including a part from my book, MAXIMUM VICTORY. Because my husband has taught me so very much.
Brother Doty had been a widower for over two years when he and I got married. I enjoy hearing his testimony about how God put us together. People never seem to tire of hearing love stories, and I’ve been asked hundreds of times to tell ours. Maybe it’s time.
Brother Doty says: “After God blessed me with almost 36 years with my first wife, He took her home. I can remember the loneliness that gradually settled over me. My prayer went like this: ‘God, I don’t want to be alone. I need to share my life with someone. So God, I am coming to you because—well, I am not putting conditions on you Lord, but I do have a special request. This is all I want; I don’t care what she looks like. Lord, all I want is a Holy Ghost filled apostolic woman. But You know, Lord, I can’t go out looking for her. That’s just not right. So You will have to bring her to me.’”
In the meantime, while Brother Doty was praying this prayer, I had already given up after more than twenty years of praying for a husband and never hearing a word from God about it. I told the Lord pretty much the same thing Brother Doty did. “I would like to have a husband, but you will have to bring him to me.” I wasn’t going to go out looking, either. That would be like going down to the auction on Friday night. The Bible says, Is there anything too hard for God? Well, this was a hard one, because Brother Doty lived in Nebraska and I lived in Louisiana. I couldn’t go looking for him and he couldn’t go looking for me. Poor God, what a dilemma.
Brother Doty continues, “Of course we know God didn’t consider it a dilemma. In our case, He had me go to Austin, Texas, and He had Sister Doty go to Austin, Texas at the same time. That is how God brought the woman to the man and the man to the woman.” He and his first wife and I had been friends before—in fact we had gone to church together. All three of us left California in 1994. They went to Nebraska, and I went to Alexandria, Louisiana. As far as I knew, I would never see them again. That was in November, and the following March, just four months later, she went home to be with the Lord.
I was busy doing my thing. The Lord’s work took me from Alexandria to Tupelo to Tennessee and back to Louisiana, during those two years. I had prayed for years and years for God to send me a husband and, all that time, He never said, Yea, Nay, or Maybe. He was absolutely silent. Eventually, I just dropped it, and gave myself totally to the work of the Lord.
Finally, I heard from God on this subject in August of 1996. By this time, I was no longer even interested in a husband. I was ministering in New Orleans, and going through a particularly severe spiritual battle. One day I just flung myself, sobbing, across the bed. The last thing I was thinking about was a husband, but God spoke to me in a still, small voice, and He said, “It is not good for you to be alone.” Those were His very words. And I knew in my spirit what He meant.
When I left California in 1994, I left everything—home, friends, children and grandchildren. The hardest thing I had ever done up to that point in my life, was to drive away and leave them all behind. I soon fell into the habit of flying back about every three months to see them. This time, however, in late April, the Lord laid it on my heart to drive back. I would soon find out why.
It was during this time of trip preparation that the Dakotas were experiencing dreadful flooding. My mind flashed back to the Dotys, and somehow I thought they had gone to the Dakotas, not to Nebraska—I mean, who can tell the difference—both of those places are in another world. I immediately got on the phone to his son to inquire about his parents. Were they safe? And then he brought me up to date. His mom had died, and at the moment his dad was in Austin, Texas. Paul said, “If you’re driving out, and coming through Texas, and you don’t stop to see dad, he’ll be very hurt.”
So on May 3, 1997, on a Saturday, my cat and I went rolling in to Austin, Texas. Brother Doty and I went out to dinner with his parents, and to church the next morning. After church and a pleasant lunch, with my car packed and ready to back out of the driveway, Brother Doty gave me the surprise of my life. He leaned through the window of my car and planted a kiss right on my cheek—and he asked me to marry him. Brother laughs and says, “God had sent me my woman!”
I was flabbergasted. No way. He was short and I was tall. He was a little Jew that cried at the drop of a hat. I would not give him any answer at the time but in my heart I was yelling, “No, No!” I continued on to California, but by the time I arrived there, God had let me know: this was His will. Nevertheless, this was a momentous decision, not one to be made lightly. This man and I were different as night and day! I kept thinking of all the reasons we should not do this…he was a short little Jew, I was tall…he was laid back, I was always too serious…
We started doing what the kids called “burning up the phone lines.” Momentum built. And when it looked like this thing was actually going to come to pass, I sought out our old pastor: “You know him and you know me,” I said. “You have pastored both of us. Do you see any reason why we should not get married?” After the initial look of surprise, a big grin spread across his face. He let out a hearty laugh, saying he felt this could very well be the will of God for us.
So two weeks after our reunion in Austin, the pastor who used to pastor us when we went to church together, married us. With only four days’ planning, we had a lovely church wedding, surrounded by family and friends. We were right back where we started from—that same little church where we first met.
Now we do not encourage anyone else to get married so fast. Young people—wait on God. Go slow. Follow guidance and godly advice. Listen to your pastor. And consider this: we had been friends before; we had mutual friends; our pastors supported us; we were “old folks;” and there was not a doubt in anybody’s mind that we were in the will of God. Even those people who said we wouldn’t last a month because of our differences. There were a couple of moments when I considered backing out, but that deep peace carried me through.
So this is the love story of Brother and Sister Doty—isn’t God fantastic? He is so good to His children!
Now back to our first story….God brings the woman to the man, Adam opens his eyes there on the operating table. As he is coming out of the anesthesia, he spots Eve. When he finally realized this wonderful gift was his, he said, “This is now bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.” Adam was so smart. God had blessed him with an awesome intelligence. Adam loved this woman and had the presence of mind to realize at once that she and he were “one flesh.”
Genesis 2:24: “She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother and he shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.”
Now we know that Adam had no mom and dad, just God. There were no choices to make about leaving and cleaving, so we recognize this as a prophetic statement that, when there are parents, you are to leave them and cleave to your wife. “Cleave” means, use Super Glue. Permanent bonding to your wife. None of this Elmer’s stuff when you get married.
When we got married, I had two children and Brother Doty had four. He loves my children as his own—in fact, he sees absolutely no difference between them. I said, “You treat my children just like your children.” He said, “Not like…they are my kids.” I said, “But—” He said, “No ‘buts’. We are one flesh, right? If that’s true, then your kids are my kids. My kids are your kids.” Yes, his kids are my kids, too, and I love all four of them very much.
That is just remarkable when you think about it. When you have a blended family and little ones running all around—“these are from my first marriage, these are from another marriage”—when you get frazzled, remember that you are one flesh, and those children belong to you. It will really help you with that situation.
What the Marriage Relationship Should Look Like
The marriage relationship is to be patterned after Christ and the church. Scripture tells us that we are to love one another, and that is of particular importance in a marriage. Loving in this manner, in this way, requires an immense dependence on God. There are going to be days when that person you married does not look attractive to you at all. There will be days when you want to say, “Get out of my sight.” And yet the husband is to love her as Christ loved the Church. That is why it takes supernatural love, God’s love, working in you and through you so that you can always please God by loving that person. I am not talking about this syrupy, gooey kind of love one finds in romance novels. Biblical love is the kind that says, I will let God love you through me. I want your good. I might not always like some of the things you do—especially in the morning when I haven’t had my coffee, and you come in singing praise songs. Sorry, darling, but mornings are coffee time, and meant to be quiet. I don’t want to hear any singing. And he’s singing. But even then, I want the best for my husband, and the best for him is to be singing praises to the Lord.
We are to die daily. That’s the answer to just about any marital problem. Some people will say, “Well, I have already done that, Sister Doty.” Good. Keep doing it. You have to keep doing it over and over. Jesus did it one time on the cross. We have to die, according to what He said, daily. We take up our cross daily, and we die daily. That is what we are to do in the marriage relationship. It is one of those contradictory-sounding things—in dying, we find life and joy. I have never read anywhere that Jesus ever regretted dying for us. On the contrary, it was His purpose. And it was his joy. Hebrews 12:2 confirms that when we read, “Who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross”
Marriage is doing a lot of putting off and putting on. You put off one thing and you put on something else. You throw away one thought, and take in another. You put off the malice and you put on gentleness, so on and so forth.
What is Normal?
One of the chapters in your textbook Apostolic Counseling sets forth what is “normal” in a crazy, topsy-turvy world. Read Colossians Three, and assimilate those things into your life. Here are some examples:
Colossians 3:19, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Here we learn about putting off bitterness and harshness. Don’t be bitter against your wife. No matter how much she ran that credit card up, don’t allow yourself to be bitter towards her. Husbands, take off that bitterness and put on love. “How can I do that? I am too mad!” We are going to talk about that too.
Colossians 3:12,13: “Put on…bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”
Husbands and wives both, put off being quarrelsome. Quit quarreling with your husband all the time, and being contentious, and fighting with him. Let him fight by himself. (That’s no fun, so maybe he will quit.) Put off contention, and put on love and submission. Peter tells us that a woman can win her unsaved husband through a “chaste conversation.” You keep on living that life before him. Sometimes you will feel like giving up, but the way you keep from doing that is by focusing on Jesus. Don’t let yourself focus on the things your husband is doing. When you keep your focus on Jesus, He will enable you to put on love and submission.
Sometimes that husband will intentionally try to aggravate you. Jab here, jab there, trying to get your goat. Just keep on loving him. Sooner or later, it will hit him between the eyes: “What is it about her? She is different. There is something different.” Pretty soon, he is going to say, “I want that. I don’t feel what she feels. I don’t feel peace. I want to feel that.” So he will start standing back and watching you even closer, maybe jabbing at you even harder. Some of you know what I am talking about. To love one’s spouse as God commands requires that we die daily to our desires, those things that we want for ourselves.
And during all of this, you are drawing closer and closer to God—in His Word, and in prayer. I know ladies who go through stuff at home that would send me running! And yet their spirit gets sweeter as time goes by. They get closer to God and cling to Him. Sometimes, God is all that they have.
We have to make the effort. We’re talking about husbands and wives here. That wife of yours, you just look at her sometimes and say “How on earth did I pick her?” And she is looking at you, wondering the same thing. We’d better just put an end to this marriage because “I don’t love her anymore. And I just don’t want to be together anymore, so I am going to put her away.”
Please don’t do it! Try to think back to the day you got married. You loved her then. Try to remember her that way. Then reach out to her, do something for her that you don’t really want to do. Do it with a smile. Do something for your wife, for your husband. If you don’t have time, stop what you are doing and make time. The more you do this—the more you give up your desires for her desires—the more it is going to become a part of you. Cultivate a servant’s heart.
The Servant’s Heart
Brother Doty has such a servant’s heart. I want a servant’s heart! He says that his purpose in life is to take care of me. I am telling you that it is hard to live in that situation and be a sacrificial wife. I told him, “You are always giving to me—what can I give to you?” He replied this way: “You give me love. You are there when I need you. I am no longer alone. You share my life. God knows what He’s doing when he puts two people together.”
Brother Doty has learned the secret of loving a wife. That is why I wouldn’t even try to teach a seminar on marriage without him. My first marriage was a mess; his was first-rate. He can tell you all the things you should do; I can tell you all the things not to do. You already know what not to do, because those are the things you are doing.
This is a partnership. I am learning. I tell God, “I want to please my husband. I want to make him happy. I want to show him that I love him. Show me today how I can show him that I love him.” We need to pray this way in the mornings. We need to go to God straightaway with these things that seem so impossible to do. Go to God and say, “Help me do this. Reveal some things to me. Help me.”
I remember trying to quit drinking. I didn’t get along very well with the AA people. They said one day at a time. That did not help me. I could not imagine one whole day without a drink. To me it was a step-by-step, moment-by-moment fight. That is what it is going to be sometimes in your marriage. A moment-by-moment dying to your self. He wants to go visit friends for dinner, and you want to stay home and rest. You had a hard day. The kids have run you ragged. Now he wants to go out. You can get into bitterness and quarreling. He has his heart set on going. What do you do?
Go get ready. Take a shower. Run the water at first as hot as you can stand it. Get some of that Vitabath, and one of those little round puffs. Fill it full of that green gel and rub it all over you. Inhale that invigorating fragrance. Then run the cold water. You will feel so fresh. You’ll feel so invigorated. Then go with him. If you do this and take that step for Jesus, He will give you with the strength you need. He will help you get through the evening, and you can do it with love. (You might even have a good time.)
Be Careful, Little Lips
Be careful what you say. Guard your lips, because what you say is what you get. I don’t care what that little childhood jingle says—words can hurt! Big-time! You can take a crisp sheet of paper, and tear it in half. It’s now torn in two, the piece of paper is ruined. Try to fix it back—stick some Scotch tape on it. That will put the two pieces back into one piece. But there is still that tear in it. No matter what we do, we can never make that sheet of paper perfect again.
And no matter what we do to try to take back those words, there will always be a tear there. But we have caused hurt to another person; even if we come in with our Scotch tape, and our syrupy words, and our sorrow, regrets and repentance—we cannot make that tear go away. God can fix it. God can make that tear disappear if He wants to. We have to be careful. Ask God in the mornings to help you be watchful of your every word. This is one reason it is so good to pray in the morning so you will get your direction for the day.
Make a list of the things that you can do for your husband to show him that you love him. Love does not mean emotionally head over heels like you were when you went down the isle. Love means I care about your soul. I care about your good will. I want to see you saved. I want to see you have a relationship with Jesus. I want you to be happy. Those are the things that love really cares about. Those are the highest things you can care about with someone. Going to that dinner is a way of showing him. It is not the highest thing we can do, but it is a way of saying, “I love you and I want to do this for you.” Actually the way we should work this is to do it for Jesus.
(Brother Doty speaking:) Husbands, when is the last time you left your wife a little love note in your underwear drawer? She puts fresh clothing in there all the time for you. Leave her a note thanking her for all she does for you. Keep your eyes open for needs she might have but not be willing to express. If she works outside the home, always help around the house. Don’t leave it all for her. Cook some of the meals occasionally—I am the cook in our home, and I enjoy it. It won’t hurt you to run the vacuum cleaner, either—might help build some muscles!
(Sister Doty:) You got that right! But really, life is not fair. People are not fair. We run into situations all the time that we want to scream out that this is not fair. I don’t deserve this! It is so hard to turn around to a person, especially your husband, who has just hurt you deeply, and just smile as though everything is okay. You feel like a piece of raw meat, and he is going on as though nothing is wrong. What can we do in a case like that—ignore it? Or start throwing the dishes?
(Brother Doty:) It is important that you tell him how you feel. The secret is in how you do that. The Bible talks about speaking the truth in love. It is vital that we speak the truth in love. We don’t just speak the truth; it needs to be tempered with love. If we do the things the Bible way, we are certain to be winners.
First of all, prayer. “Lord help me, I have to say something to him about this. Lord give me the words. Let me do it with the right spirit.” Pray, and then go to him. Instead of saying, “You hurt me,” it might be better to say, “I feel hurt because of what you just did.” The reason for this is, if you come out and say, you did this, you did that, he will go on the defensive. Communication between husband and wife is absolutely vital. Do everything possible to keep those lines open. He might do one of two things, he can say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” Or he can say, “I didn’t do anything. All I said was such and such. What is wrong with you.” Whatever he says, know you did the right thing.
Brother Doty and I have had some times like this as we have been getting to know each other—and married people are always learning. We have been married sixteen years and have so much to learn about each other. We do things and say things that might hurt the other.
There have been times, I have said, “Honey, when you said that, I felt really angry.” He said he wasn’t aware of that. He said he was so sorry, and my heart just melted.
Don’t freeze up; don’t give your mate the “silent treatment!” I used to be so good at that—“I’ll show him. I won’t even speak to him. That’ll fix him.” The psychologist would call it passive-aggressive. I call it so dumb. The Bible tells us to do it, so it means we can; God never asks us to do something that we can’t do. But maybe we are not to that place yet emotionally where we really can keep loving when we hurt so bad, even though we know it is the right thing to do. Those are the times that you have to really focus on the fact that you are doing this for Jesus. Do it for Him, do it to Him. Take a moment to read Matthew, chapter 25.
Begin at verse 31, where we read how Jesus was dividing the sheep from the goats. He talks about being in prison, and hungry, and naked and sick, and how one group visited, and fed, and clothed Him. He told this one group to enter in, you made it. They were confused: “When did we do this? We have a memory lapse here.” He said when you have done it to the least of these, you have done it unto me.
Then on the other hand, He said to those on His left hand: Depart from me into everlasting torment. I was naked and you clothed me not. I was hungry and you didn’t feed me. I was in prison and you didn’t visit me, and so on.
They, too, had a memory lapse: “When Lord?” We probably think that if Jesus Himself were across town in the local hospital, we would certainly go down and visit Him. We would take time out of our busy schedules to do that.
God is not fooled.
If we can get a hold of this passage of scripture—if we can pray those verses, pray that Word—then we can say, “God, I am going to do it to You. I am determined to be kind to him, but I am doing it for you, not him.” You can do that. I know you can. You can do that for Jesus. You might not be able to do it for that person whom you would like to just spit in his eye, but you can do it for Jesus.
Another Word About Spousal Abuse
Anyone, male or female, who mistreats his mate, should also get a hold of the passage above. Read it again, with this in mind. When you hit your wife, you’re doing it to Jesus. When you cut your husband down with words, you’re doing it to Jesus.
There is another passage that offers you a warning: Malachi 2:14: “Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously.” That means bad, big time. Some synonyms for this word are, deceitfully, dangerously, and perilously.
One very important thing to note here is that God was the Witness. A husband lets himself go out of control with his wife—abuses her—rants and raves at her—is unfaithful to her. He thinks it is done in secret, but he forgets that the Lord is the Witness. God sees it all. Don’t think you are hidden, fellows. Your wife might be afraid to tell anyone, but God does not have to be told. He sees. He knows. Malachi continues: “Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.” God is saying that youcan control it. You better take heed to your spirit. Verse 16: “And let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth because the Lord God of Israel says that he hateth putting away. When one covers violence with his garment, said the Lord of Host, take heed to your spirit so you deal not treacherously.”
The Lord repeats the admonition to take heed to their spirit. He is talking about violence. We have so much domestic violence—even in our churches. God, thorough Malachi, sounds out the warning that men who treat their wives “treacherously” will not get away with it. There will come a day when you have to pay. God is the Silent Witness in every marriage.
The Power of Touch
Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to trust in the Lord with all of our heart and to lean not into our own understanding. We feel like we have to understand everything. Forget that! Sometimes we have to rest simply in trust. “Lord, you said to do this. You said you hate divorce. I feel like if I have to live another day with this person, I am going to go crazy. But Lord, for you, I am going to follow these principles. I am going to trust You.”
Sometimes we mess up. People come to me now in marriage situations, “What can I do? I blew it.” You do the same thing you always do. You confess, you repent, you put it away. You make restitution. You can be restored to that one. You can be restored to fellowship with your spouse, with the Lord.
Sometimes when you can’t say anything, just touch. Reach out and touch them on the shoulder. That can do a lot. People need touch. A lot of times the problem with our spouse is that maybe they are not getting enough touch. If we can just get past that. When we first do that, maybe they will be stiff-necked and say, “Leave me alone.” But there is a tremendous, mysterious power in touch. It can break down walls that words can never reach. A touch from your hand, coupled with one from the Master’s Hand, can begin the restoration of your marriage.
The Power of Submission
“Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.” Romans 13:1,2
First, let’s understand that Biblical submission is not just a topic pertaining to ladies. We are all called upon to be under submission. Even pastors need a pastor. Authority is that thing that God has set in motion, and pertains to men and women; leaders and followers; servants and masters, all ages, all kinds.
Colossians 3:18-22 elaborates: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God.”
God is the source of all authority in this world—indeed, in the universe, and probably in other places we don’t even know exist. God is Authority, but He also delegates authority. The world we live in, as well as the Kingdom of God, operate upon the system of authority.
God appointed the husband as His delegated authority within the family. The wife represents the Church. Wives who can grasp this concept have little problem subjecting themselves to their husbands; they realize that God has vested His own authority in their husbands. The wife with this kind of understanding knows the authority of God is the issue, not her husband. When she must obey and she would rather not, she can always stand on the fact that she is submitting to the authority God has placed in her life. And it is for good, not for evil. Submission liberates, it never oppresses. So when a woman is submissive, it is not necessarily to the husband, but to that which the husband stands for.
Parenthetically, that reminds me of everyone’s favorite example of the tiny little policewoman directing traffic and the driver of the big 18-wheeler obeying her—because of the badge she is wearing.
Submission to authority is an act of the will, but most importantly, an affair of the heart. “This is an act of love, and it is my choice to do this.” Even people with very little control over their day-to-day lives can choose to do the will of the Lord, and to think the thoughts that are pleasing to Him. And that choice is an act of your will as to how you will execute His commandments. Wives, obey your own husbands, the Word instructs us. When our husbands tell us to do something, we are supposed to do it—unless it is sin. We are not obligated in that case; God would not have a wife commit sin.
Pleasing God in submission will depend on the attitude in which we do it. Submission is not an outward thing; it is an affair of the heart. Let’s drop in on a couple: Husband says, “Woman, get in here!” Woman continues preparing dinner. “Wife I said, Get in here.” Her teeth clench, her face grows red. She moves like an automaton from the kitchen to where he is sitting in the living room. “Whadda ya want?” (Under her breath: “Here I am, you rat.”)
Is this scenario pleasing to the Lord? I would think not. They are both operating in the flesh. It can be so much better for both of them! That is why we devoted a whole chapter of our Maximum Victory study to the body, soul and spirit—to show that we can control soul, control Self! “Now listen here, Self. You are going to do this God’s way. You are going to be kind to my husband, because he is my husband—and because that is what God wants.” And husbands, likewise, can control their behavior. Remember that the scriptures about the wife being under subjection do not stop with that; they continue on to command husbands to love their wives, even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Honor your wife, sir! Respect your husband, ma’am!
So we know that we do have control. We understand that we can choose to love this person. We can choose to submit to this person. We can choose to do what God says. It makes all the difference in the world.
When we all work in tandem with the designated authorities God has placed in our lives, we can all be the richer for it. We all work together, supplying the needs of one another. Where one lacks, another has in abundance. It’s supply and demand, give and receive; ebb and flow; give out, take back in.
The head thinks of something—say reading the morning newspaper. His legs haul him over to the front door, his hands unfasten the door, and his eyes peer outside. As soon as those eyes spot the newspaper there on the doorstep, his body bends over, his arms reach down, and his hands and fingers grab the paper. Everything is done perfectly and naturally. His right hand and left hand do not have to communicate with each other in order to accomplish a task. The head moves them both.
The man getting his morning paper does not have to give conscious commands to all the different parts of his body. They just move in response to the unspoken desire to get the newspaper. Only the head can cause all of these miraculous things to happen—toes cannot think.
This is how God designed it to be. But things get out of whack when members are not content with performing those functions for which they were designed. They get jealous; they compete with each other. The grow independent, and “do their own thing.”
We are to be subject one to another. I remember once when I was a guest speaker at a conference. It was time for lunch, and they had set up a lovely buffet. All of us who went through that line were subject to the servers. One of them dished out one tiny piece of broccoli onto my plate. Since there appeared to be an overabundance of this vegetable, I asked if I might have another one. She denied my request, even though I was the guest of honor and she a kitchen worker. I submitted.
The Word of God is our authority, and God commanded that we neither add to nor take away from His Word.
We have studied about Adam and Eve several times, but I want to ask one final question about Eve. When the serpent first approached her, he asked: “Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?”
Eve responded: “God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.” The fact is that she added to what God had said. I have often wondered why she said that. Could it be that there was already a spark of rebellion in her heart? I have also wondered why Adam stood silently by while his wife ate; and then he himself ate when she “gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.” Just a thought.
To have Maximum Victory, we must have maximum power. There are two things that will drain our power fast—the first, as we have already studied, is sin. The second is the repudiation of the authorities over us. When we do that, we are, what is commonly called, “in rebellion.” We have, in effect, become in league with that one who was kicked out of heaven for this very thing. Something else to think about.
Rebellion gives Satan power—in our lives and in the Body. But proper submission allows God’s power to course through the Body in a mighty, but controlled, current. Submission to one another is God’s way of nourishing the Body. The needs of the saints—the Church—the home—the world—are all met through this simple but profound tool called submission to authority.
Some of the most dangerous words we can utter are, “I don’t need you!” and “I am independent.” They are dangerous because they indicate a rebellious heart.
People have been so good to the Dotys! They have come over to our house and have put things together, things that we couldn’t assemble ourselves, and through those simple acts, they told us that they loved us. God also was demonstrating His love for us. I love those people, and I am grateful to them. At the same time, I realize it was God who moved on them. God wants to show us that He loves us. “I won’t be there in bodily form,” God seems to be saying, “to put that bookcase together for you. I won’t be there to physically climb on your roof and cover that skylight. But I will do it through a brother; I will do it through a sister. They are going to do it, and they are going to do it for me. They are my hands, my feet, my knees. I love you, Child!”
The world teaches us to build up our self-esteem. You have high self-esteem, then you are a success. That is just opposite from what the Bible teaches. The Bible teaches to esteem others better than ourselves. This is where we get into so much of the competition thing. We are trying to be better than this one or that one. We are competing with them when there is no competition. It is like comparing apples and oranges. We don’t need to do that. We need to be striving to be like Jesus. He is the supreme example. He showed us how to be submissive. Submission is not fighting with the soldiers whose job is to nail you to the cross. Jesus was not forced to die for us. They did not take His life, He gave it willingly. Submission is giving your life out of a heart full of love.
We are to be submissive to our employers, to our employees, to our point of authority in the church, and to the authority in the civil government. All of us, at some time or another, will be called upon to submit to the most unlikely authority. I have seen a pastor of 5,000 submitting to a saint—the saint was a physician.
Again, we are to obey the laws of the land. But Paul also said that it is better to obey God than man. There are times when we do have to say, “Hey, I can’t do what you are saying because I have to preach the gospel, or I have to go visit this inmate, or I have to take chicken soup over here.” If God tells you to do it, you better do it.
I have an immune system disorder. I catch just about everything that comes by. I tire, get fatigued easily, and my endurance is not what it could be, or what it is going to be when God heals me. Sometimes, folks jokingly call me an alkaline battery. I’ll be soaring, full of energy and, without any warning, suddenly and absolutely depleted. When I am depleted, those are the times that I beg, “Leave me alone.” There was a time that people didn’t know that, and instead of taking the time to explain, I would push on, trying to do everything expected of me. After all, I was supposed to be strong…super-Christian, super leader. “I don’t have these problems.”
I have since learned that that was pride. I tried to tell them, “I can’t do it right now, I’ll get back with you.” They would usually come back with something about their dire, immediate need, and I would acquiesce. Real hero, right? Stinking pride. Then I’d end up being irritable and biting someone’s head off. But I learned that I could say this, “Give me an hour, a day perhaps, then we will get together.” It’s okay to do this—what a blessed revelation! It is okay to say, “No.” But we need to learn to speak the truth in love, temper our “No,” with gentleness. None of this, “Get out of my face.” Speak it in love.
God is a God of love. He’s a God who cares. He loves the Chinese, Mexicans, Indians, everybody. He wants everyone saved. He puts us together and He says, “I want you to go and speak to this one or that one. Give the gospel over here. I want you to go tell this one how much I love them. Put your arms around them. I want you to do this because you are my arms.”
It is vital to His work on earth that we be submitted to God. For one thing, we dare not attempt any kind of spiritual warfare without it. James tells us in chapter 4, verse 7: “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” The submission comes first, and I am here to tell you from the school of experience, we had better be ready when the enemy comes against us. He is so tricky. He can have us flat on our faces before we know it.
Another reason we need to be submitted is so we will hear His voice. He wants to give us assignments each day. We need to have a ready ear. I remember one morning in Tupelo, I was on my way out of town on business. Usually I would swing through the drive-through and pick up a breakfast sandwich, but this morning, for some “strange” reason, I wanted to go inside.
I was standing in the long line when the Lord pointed out a lady to me. She was sitting by herself in a booth on the opposite side of the little fast-food place. He asked me to go over and speak to her for Him. I looked around and realized I’d have to give up my place in line. And I didn’t know what to say to that lady. She didn’t look to me like she needed any help.
I dilly-dallied as long as I could. “Lord, is this really You? Am I sure I heard You right?” Finally, at His gentle insistence, I relinquished my place in line and made my way over to the lady. I stood there, feeling very foolish. She looked up quizzically. I felt like bolting out the door. I figured I’d better open my mouth and say something--anything—to get the anointing going. So I did, and His word began to flow out of me and into the spirit of this person who meant so much to Him.
She sat there for a moment, and then the tears began to flow. She said, “Thank you, Girl, thank you! I had felt like the Lord had forgotten about me. Thank you for reminding me that He’s still working in that situation!” Be careful to obey the leading of the Lord. You might never know the importance of a simple word. And it is so wonderful to be a small part of someone else’s life in this way.
Jesus is the key. He is the center of it. He is the heart of it. He is the one you are doing it for. He is the One putting His love through you and reaching out. Jesus wants to love that errant one. Jesus wants to reach him with the kind of love that can eventually change his heart. But Jesus needs you. He needs your face, your words, your hands, your arms. Jesus needs your heart to reach that spouse. Jesus wants to love him, touch him, through you.
When you reach out and touch someone, it is God saying, “I love you.” We are His only ones here on earth to carry out things His physical body would want to do. When we go to that spouse and God is saying I want to show them love, who is better able to do it than you?
One of the hardest things to accept is that those people who are the meanest are the ones who need our love the most. They need it the most and yet, it is hardest to give it to them. They can be so mean. The more they need love, the more they act out. On some level they are hoping that we will push our way through and let them know we love them. They are hoping on some level that we will press on until we somehow get through the wall they have built around themselves. Try to remember that the meaner they are, the more they need love. There was a time when I was like that. But thank you, God, for loving me in spite of myself! Thank you for sending people into my life who were willing to show me Your love through their vessels. How great Thou art, Oh God—how great Thou art
God can restore the worst kind of marriage. He can put it back together again. It can be better than it ever was. He is our God who answers our prayers and hears our heart’s cry. He is a good and wonderful God!
Lead your counselee in a prayer like this one:
Pray: God, I hurt so bad, I’m not even sure at this point that I want You to restore my marriage. I’ve been hurt so many times, the trust is gone. But I want to do Your will above all else. I ask You today to give me the strength, give me the power, and give me the wisdom to make a difference in this person’s life.
TEST 5 Module 5 Test The Marriage Relationship
1. Please make up 3 questions that you think should be asked during this module. Write the questions, the answers, and the scriptures that lead you to this answer. 2. In the marriage relationship, we can say pretty much what we want to to our spouses as long as we apologize. True? False? 3. What things did you list that you can do for your spouse to show your love? 4. In your text you read that some of the most dangerous words we can utter are, “___________________“__________________.” They are dangerous because they indicate a rebellious heart. 5. A couple comes to you because the husband tells his wife he no longer loves her. He wants a trial separation so he can date other women. What do you tell this couple? 6. A wife comes to you with a whole list of things she dislikes about her husband. She spends her session telling you about these things. What should you do about this situation?
Module 6
6. Depression, Suicide, and Anger
For this lesson, read the textbook, LORD, WHY AM I CRYING? and adapt to the following scripture schedule: Please write out each scripture, plus tell under what circumstances you might assign this scripture to a counselee.
What did you learn about suicide from this chapter?
How would you personally handle someone you felt was suicidal?
Is it best to talk about it, or pretend they are not feeling that way? Not talking is the easy way out. Confronting it is far from pleasant, and might be a little scary. But what happens if that person walks away from you with the same suicidal thoughts she brought to you? There is something called the “suicide gesture,” where a person is desperately needing attention and perhaps this is the only way she feels she can get it. But we must assume this call for help is real, and that this person could very well be on the verge.
Thinking about the incident in our study, do you think confronting her with this could have prevented it? Why or why not?
Look at the picture below. It is obvious that she is thinking about jumping. You can tell by the way her knees are bent and one foot in front of the other. If you spotted this lady from a distance, what would you say or do?
Chapter 2
What are some of the negative thoughts that the little girl started having at an early age?
What caused her to think this way?
How do you feel the negative thoughts ended up influencing her life?
Do you agree with this statement, and why or why not?: “The sad thing is that no matter how sincerely and stubbornly we may set out to become good enough, or to prove something to somebody (even ourselves), we are, without exception, setting ourselves up to fail.”
How would you have counseled the little girl?
Chapter 3
As the daughter and mother ran through the streets trying to find refuge what were you emotions?
You read: “Finally a day came when I found myself sitting across the desk from yet another physician.” As you read through that account, did you get a sense of what might be coming next?
What were some of the good things that resulted from this incident with the doctor?
What is the common denominator at work in most instances of spiritual decline?
Who is the only one truly capable of fixing us when things go wrong?
What causes depression?
Is it a sin to be angry?
How does how we think determine how we feel?
Guilt – What is your definition and what can we do about guilt?
Should we deal with our feelings and emotions or just push them down and cover them up?
Do you believe that God has a purpose for your life? What is it?
Should we rely on God’s method of healing us, or mans?
How do you deal with anger? (Describe in at least 300 words)
Notes on Anger: We know it can very definitely be a sin. We think of anger as sin, but when it is done habitually, it becomes part of a person’s disposition. The sin of anger has become entangled with a man’s soul. That is why it is so hard to shake these kinds of sins. If we just went out and committed one lustful act, and never did it before and never did it since, that would not become intertwining. It would not become part of our nature and disposition. But whenever we begin to do something over and over again, it first becomes a habit; then eventually it becomes such a part of us that it is part of our character. It becomes our disposition because we sin so much.
The sinner does not become the sin. This does not contradict our injunction to “Love the sinner but hate the sin.” If we took our glass again, and filled it with clean, clear liquid from the tap, it would be water. If we added a drop of beet juice to it, it would still be water—howbeit, colored water. The water has not ceased being water; it has not become a beet.
If we say that John is an angry person, what we are really saying is that we have learned to identify him with his anger, because that is his disposition. He is hostile. He has a chip on his shoulder. You just look at him wrong and he is ready to come out waving his fists all around. We read in the papers almost every day about “Road Rage.” Here in California, one irate motorist slung another motorist’s tiny little dog out into the traffic, killing him. I read just recently where some man came after a woman with a grocery cart at the super market. The evidence would reflect that these men are angry men who have committed the sin of anger. Matthew 15:18 says, ‘But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. Out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.” These awful acts, such as that little dog’s death, began in the heart. The anger was there before it came out. Anger, such as road rage, then, is not caused by another driver. The other driver’s actions were only the stimulus. If someone sits at a light for five seconds after it has turned green, that might be the stimulus, but it certainly is not a reason to beat someone to death. We must learn the difference. We must learn that we can control how we react to a stimulus. That old proverbial “counting to ten” does work, if we will use those few seconds to breathe a prayer to the One who stands ready to help.
Chapter 5 What are the symptoms of depression? Do you feel anti-depressants are the answer?
Chapter 6 Should we rely on God’s method of healing us or man’s? Do you believe this? Why or why not? How do you feel about the “reprogramming” Seamunds wrote about? What I needed—what you need—what your counselees need—is to become a new creature in Christ. If we are born again, why on earth should we have to deal with dead things from the past? I have no desire to go around digging up corpses. The Bible says, Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2) What was wrong with Eli’s sons? Would it be a help for Eli to know why they were doing the things they were doing? Chapter 7 First of all, view our little video: Anger! Anger! Our text reads: “When you feel anger mounting, ask, What is my demand? How am I demanding change? What do I really want? An honest answer is like a dash of cold water.” I do not believe in “anger management,” but in the resolution of anger. There is a huge difference. “Managing” anger means we allow it to hang around. Resolving it means we deal with it, and then move on. We need to instruct our counselees in the concept of personal rights. If I feel my rights are being violated, I will become angry. If I have surrendered all my rights to God, then there is no reason for anger. It then becomes God’s problem. How do you deal with anger? _______ of our emotions are destructive in themselves because our emotional makeup is totally from God. But all emotions can _________ destructive when we fail to express them in harmony with biblical standards.
Chapters 8 – 10 Scripture Reading · Monday – II Cor. 5:17 · Tuesday – Psalm 103:12 · Wednesday – I John 2:1 · Thursday – I John 1:9 · Friday – Colossians 3:13 · Saturday – Heb. 8:12 · Sunday – Philippians 4:8 Chapter 8 Who in your life have you been unable to forgive? How can we forgive through the Lord? The Biblical method of resolving guilt is ________________ and ______________________. How do we know when we have truly forgiven someone?
Chapter 9 How do we encourage ourselves in the Lord? What is one principal we need to apply to start changing our life? How do you handle disappointments? In Psalm 73, did Asaph go to the counselor’s office? If not, where did he go? Chapter 10 List some things in your life that you have no control over, that you need to change your way of thinking about? How do you need to change your thinking? Chapters 11 – 13 Scripture Reading · Monday – II Peter 3:18 · Tuesday – I Peter 2:2, 3 · Wednesday – II Peter 1:5-8 · Thursday – Ephesians 3:14-19 · Friday – Colossians 1:9-11 · Saturday – Ephesians 4:14, 15 · Sunday – Philippians 4:8 Chapter 11 List some things in your life that you have control over, that you need to change your way of thinking about? List some ways you intend to change your thinking about these things. 1. 2. 3. 4. Chapter 12 Which of these goals do you apply to your life? Which of these goals are you going to work on to improve your walk with the Lord? Chapter 13 Should ministers and other leaders ask for help? Why or why not?
9. The Renewing of Your Mind
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2
B
e not conformed to this world. And yet that is what so many of us want to do. We want to do just enough to get by. We want to fit in. Have you ever heard, “Do I have to—?” We go to school, we want to look like the others. If I had my skirt a little bit shorter. I know somebody who used to wear pants under her skirt and she would roll them up and when she got to school she would take her skirt off. This hurts God. He wants His ladies to look like ladies. I think Pentecostal women are one of the most beautiful sights in the world. I really do. God does too. We have to go through some things men don’t have to, but we are doing it for Jesus. He’s pleased; He’s happy; and I’m happy to do it. I’m not doing it for the men; I’m doing it for Jesus.
Another person goes to work and sits on the sidelines listening to the gossip. She listens as her boss is slandered and maligned and never opens her mouth. And then she thinks she is righteous because she did not openly contribute to the slaughter. Others join in questionable behavior with the excuse that they don’t want to be “different.” One brother told me, “I would stick out like a sore thumb if I didn’t at least make a stab at joining in. Jesus said if your hand offends you, cut it off. Maybe we should add: if our thumb offends us, cut it off!
These are just a few examples of lives that do not please God. Hebrews 12 talks about laying aside besetting sins and weights that hinder us. Why is it easier for some than others? Why do some people live victorious lives and others can never seem to make the grade?
You and I know that the Holy Ghost is sufficient. With the Holy Ghost, we have what we need to be victorious. We have that power, according to Acts 1:8. We come to God, repent of our sins, are filled with His Spirit and have our sins washed away in the waters of baptism. Some people think that’s the end of the journey. Some folks believe they have “arrived” at this point. But the truth is that obedience to God’s plan of salvation is not the ending, but the beginning. It is only the start of our walk with God. The best is yet to come!
So why is it, Sister Doty, that I don’t have the victory you speak of? Why am I depressed and defeated? Saved, filled, born again, bound for heaven—but miserable! I agree: something is wrong, and I would suggest it could be that you have retained the same old thoughts, the same old way of thinking. And it will defeat you every time. You need to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Renewing your mind is a process by which your thoughts and your will become like His. The renewing of your mind is recognized by increasingly faithful and obedient response to God’s word.
When we are newborn babes in Christ, we can’t be spiritual giants. Newborn babes can’t even understand all the Word of God, let alone obey it all. That’s like telling that newborn baby in the bassinet, get up and go play Frisbee. God says there’s a lot of stuff that is strong meat in His Word, but whenever we are renewing our minds, it is a gradual, consistent doing more and more. As God gives us light, we walk in it. As He gives us instruction, we follow it. We are to practice power thinking. We are to work at it consistently. It’s going to take work, especially when you are accustomed to negative and defeated thinking all the time. You say, “I can’t do it,” but the Word says, “I can do all things through Christ.” Your obedience to scripture will develop a Christ like mind because scripture tells us to stay in the Word. Hear the Word… read the Word, study the Word. Studying is different from just reading it. Pick out a topic that interests you, something you would like to know about the Bible. Maybe you’re interested in the miracles of the Bible. Start a study on those. Exciting! Dig into the Word!
By doing the above, you provide opportunity for the Word to dwell in you richly. You are to practice the Word, especially in areas that you know you need biblical change. Those areas where you have gone to God and He has shown you some things and you know a lot of what you have to work on. As you continually do this, your mind is being renewed. Soon we will understand what it means to have the “mind of Christ.” We will have a mind that is filled with good things. A mind that is filled with light and God is the light, and it is not bogged down with heavy stuff and blackness. It is light and crystal clear.
After we get our minds filled with the Word of God, we next have to get it down deep into our hearts. We have to memorize the Word. Hide it in our hearts. The Bible says, Hide the Word in your heart that you won’t sin against the Lord. Meditate on it. When I first came into Truth, I had trouble with that word because of my involvement in the New Age. When I was in the New Age, meditation meant sitting for hours with a blank mind, in an ice-cold room, on an ice-cold, bare wood floor. Satan is a hard taskmaster!
God’s way means to get a scripture and just sit back with that scripture. You can have the heat on, and a nice soft chair, if you like. Digest it, chew it up. Ask questions like, “How does this apply to me? What does this have to do with me in my life? How can I apply this? How can I use this? What is God trying to tell me through the scripture?” You just sit in His presence and meditate on His word.
There have been times when my pain was so deep, I could not concentrate on the Word. I could only sit there like a piece of stone, the Bible in my lap. But I would make myself search for that one scripture—that one verse that God had for me that day. That, too, is meditation. You see, He knows our need. far better than we do.
But we have to go even further than this; there is more to it still—after we get the Word into our minds…after we get it into our hearts…next it must come out of our mouths! Speak it out. Don’t speak negative things. The Word of God is not negative. Don’t speak sick and weak things; the Word of God is powerful. Get it into your mind, deep into your heart, and then out into the atmosphere all around you. You life will become supercharged—electrified!
Be Teachable
We can study the Bible, attend all sorts of classes, pore over countless books, and get a lot of learning into us. But it will not do one iota of good unless we apply what we learn. We must be teachable.
A lady in one of my classes once told me this: She and her husband fight a lot. After one class, he was screaming and yelling because she was late getting home. She told me, “Ordinarily, I would just tell him off and slam the door in his face. Then give him the silent treatment for a few days. But after what I had just learned in your class, I did not react that way. I wanted to. But I chose to apply the things I had learned and, it is so strange, because the night ended wonderfully!” I am happy for her testimony, but no, darling, it is not strange—the Word of God works .
Another student told me that right after class one night, her son started behaving so badly she wanted to throttle him. But she remember the teaching that night, and became determined that she was going to love this ungrateful child, no matter what. So she plastered a smile on her face and proceeded to do just that—she loved him, in spite of herself! The next day, there was a total turnaround, and she thanks God for this victory! Because of Jesus! Because of the Word! And because of having a teachable spirit!
Put Off and Put On
But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him: (Col. 3:8-10)
The sinful and destructive practices of your old self are to be put off. To put off means you are going to reject it. When those old thoughts start coming around—I’m a nervous wreck, a little old drink would be so good. It would really help calm my nerves. Don’t even listen to such thoughts! Say, “I reject that in Jesus name. I am going to drink Holy Ghost wine. I am going to pray right now until I am full of the spirit.” So we put off and we put on.
Putting on Christ-like characteristics leads you to please God and edify others. He wants us to edify the church. It’s His body. So we need to build up the body of Christ, not tear it down. It says if you do something to the least of these, my brethren, you do it unto me. If I fuss at Brother Doty, I’m fussing at Jesus. If I lie to him, I am lying to Jesus. We have to be so careful. The Bible tells us that whatsoever you do to the least of these, my brethren, you are doing it to Me. He said: I was in prison and you visited me, I was sick, and you came to see me, I was naked and you clothed me, and I was hungry and you fed me, and they said, “When did we do that? Lord, we don’t remember doing that.” Then He said, “Because you did it to the least of these, you did it to me.”
Then He said something like this to those on the other side of Him: “I was in prison and you did not visit me, I was sick and you didn’t come around, and you didn’t even bring me any chicken soup. He says I was naked, and you didn’t clothe me. I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me.”
“When, Lord? We don’t remember seeing you hungry, or in prison. And we know the wife would have whipped up some chicken soup—but when did all this happen?”
And He explained, then told them to depart from Him. We have to be so careful what we do and what we say to each other! Don’t criticize each other. Don’t lie to each other. Show respect for one another! And, as a result, our mind will continually be renewed. It’s like bodily exercise—start small, add as your body strengthens. The more we practice putting off and putting on, the more we will become like Him. He put off Heaven and put on an earthly body.
Paul says in Romans 12:2, “…be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.” If we are going to fly with the eagles, a transformed mind is not a luxury—it is a must!
Paul is tells us in II Corinthians 11:3, “But I fear, lest by any means as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtlety. So your mind should be corrupted from the simplicity which is Christ.” Satan can corrupt our minds, just as he did Eve’s. I hear people say that Satan can’t bother their minds because they live for God. If you are thinking that, you are setting yourself up. Where do you think the battlefield is, in this horrible war we are fighting? The battlefield is in our minds. We have to guard our minds. You have to pray a hedge around our minds. You’ve got to think power thoughts; we cannot give Satan an inch because he will take a mile.
Renewing your mind is a process by which your thoughts and your will become like His. The renewing of your mind is recognized by increasingly faithful and obedient responses to God’s word. As your mind is being renewed, you will be learning a new way of thinking— “power thinking!”
It is an absolute necessity that we get into the Word, and that we change the way we think. We must cast down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. II Corinthians 10:5. We must learn how to change our thinking and how to root out the old negative thoughts and put in new ones. Paul instructs us to bring our ungodly thoughts into captivity. As we begin to do this, we begin to learn what I like to call “power thinking.”
We find ourselves with certain feelings, and believe that they are a direct result of certain circumstances in our life. For example, we get laid off the job and get depressed. We get a bad grade in school and feel dejected. We think the bad grade caused the dejection, and that getting fired caused the depression. But did it really? Let’s look at this more closely.
Below is a chart that shows this progression. As we put this into visual form, we see that there is something missing here. The center column is blank. What do you think should go there? What is the missing ingredient?
Circumstance Bad Grade on Test
I lost my job
Used in Church
Lost Everything in The Great Depression
Reaction Dejection
Depression, despair
Big Ego
Plunged off Building
The missing ingredient in the middle is the Interpretation. We have the circumstance, and then our mental interpretation of that circumstance, and then finally our reaction to the interpretation. The circumstance could be anything—I lost my job today. When I went to pick up my pay check, there was a pink slip in it. I got depressed. You know the drill, I start thinking I’m no good. “Something is wrong with me. I am incompetent. I didn’t do my job right.” Maybe the boss even explained that he had to cut back some on expenses. But we don’t hear that, we say, “No, I’m no good. That’s why he fired me.” We focus on the circumstance and begin to stew, just like tomatoes. The longer we ruminate, the worse we feel. We end up depressed and suicidal. It is all this rumination; this kind of mental interpreting that is leading to the reaction—not the circumstance itself. We know from history that many jumped off buildings and committed suicide other way during the Great Depression. They lost their life savings, their jobs, their families, and finally, their lives.
What about going in the opposite direction—the pastor says I can sing a special. I am excited! “Pastor must really think I’m something! Pride rolls in. Here we see again the circumstance, the pastor letting me do something. As a result, I am getting a big ego. The “Big Head.” Singing the special did not cause it; it was how I interpreted it—again, those ungodly thoughts!
The proper interpretation should simply be, “I thank you, Jesus, that I get to sing tonight. I pray, let me be a blessing, let me bring You glory.”
The point of this is to remember that when you are presented with a circumstance, stop and interpret what is going on. I lost my job. What I should be saying is, “God’s got something else. When He lets this happen, it is because He has something else. He is leading. He just shuts the door. In fact, He slammed it in my face. But He has something else.” We need to learn to interpret our circumstances according to scripture. Make them line up with what the Word of God says.
The Source of our Problems
You will hear all kinds of excuses from the people you counsel. “Well, that wife of mine is the source of my problems. She goes out and runs up that credit card every month. That’s what my problem is!” We end up denying our own guilt and blaming someone else. That is nothing new; we find it in Genesis chapter three. We say this causes it, and that causes it. It is because I had such a bad childhood. My daddy beat me every night with a two by four. That’s why I am the way I am, because of what happened to me. The serpent made me do it. The woman God gave me made me do it. And on it goes, ad nauseum.
We can say that it is caused by society. “Every time I read the paper, I get more and more depressed.” Well, stop reading the paper. I had to do that. I had to say no more newspapers for a while. No more news magazines. I can’t handle anymore right now; I’m on overload here. Just stop reading the paper.
Here’s a good one—Life isn’t fair. “It’s not fair that she gets a new car and I don’t.” “My problem deserves all my attention—and yours, too. I have got to spend all my time on my problem.” Nobody hurts like me. You try to tell someone that you broke your finger. Here it is dangling, it’s broken. They say, “It’s too bad you broke your finger. But look at me—I have ten bad fingers.” Ever have someone do that? They have to best you in whatever you do.
Another way we deny our problems is by saying that the answer lies outside of ourselves. Somebody else is responsible to make me feel better. That’s one reason paid counselors are so popular. We pay our money and sit back and expect them to earn their fees by making us feel better. Actually the source of our problems contains a three-letter word—SIN. You can’t help what that bad man did to you when you were a child. He had no reason to do that. That wasn’t right. That was sin. He was wrong! You couldn’t help it. You were innocent. You say, “Well that’s not my sin.” No, it is not. But what you have done with it since then has become your sin. The unforgiveness, the bitterness, the anger, the evil thinking. All of this becomes your sin, not his, and it builds up in your thoughts. Your well-being does not depend on anybody else. Your well being does not depend on any person or anything. It depends on you and what you want to do with your circumstances. How you want to interpret them. The only way to truthfully interpret them is in the light of scripture.
We started off our classes talking about repentance. Now that we’ve worked together this far, you can see how important repentance really is. Paul said, I die daily. So must we.
God says all things work together for our good. You say, “Not in my case, I am going to be out on the streets. You don’t understand.” Maybe not, but I do understand what the Word of God says, and you need to train yourself in that direction. God gave us the ability to believe, but He is not going to do the believing for us.
Just think of the wonder of being in control at last! All these years—dominated by fear and other people and abusers and horrific circumstances. Controlled by everyone else. But now—you can be in control! It is a powerful thing to know that you are in control of your own mind!
Distorted Beliefs
You know, when you are in a swimming pool and you look down, your legs look so funny. You put your hand under the water, and it looks all distorted. It’s wavy and blurry. I started thinking that’s the way our thoughts and beliefs can be. Distorted. We get a distorted belief system. We have believed things that aren’t true. We may have been lied to all our lives—by parents, and teachers, and cab drivers, and so-called friends. Add to that, the lies we are told by the enemy of our soul. And because we have come to believe the lies; we have begun to add lies of our own. And all the while, we are acting on them. Our minds are so full of ungodly thoughts, most of the time we don’t know what is true and what isn’t. We must uproot and evict all the ungodly thoughts.
People ask me, “But Sister Doty, how do I know if a thought is from the devil or from myself?” I tell them it doesn’t matter. If it is not godly, get rid of it. Our thoughts and beliefs can come from ourselves, the devil, or other people. What matters is that we’re listening to lies. We have got to stop it. . Remember our discussion of the three levels of problems? The stimulus is equivalent to the physical level.
Next, is the belief level. This is where we get into our troubles. So far I have been able to keep that car going straight even though it’s wanting to make a turn. It is what we believe about the stimulus. It is how we interpret the circumstances. What we believe about the stimulus. I begin to say, “I’m starving.” My head says, “No, you’re not starving. You just had lunch.” I am really starting to believe I am hungry. Have you ever believed you were hungry when you are not, but the more you think about it the more you begin to believe it? So it is the belief that is actually causing the action or the sin. It is not the stimulus. It is my belief about it. If I could change that belief to this, “I have absolutely no hunger”—if I can say that and truly believe it—then I’ll be able to drive right past. But if I continue salivating and believing I am hungry, it will end with my gulping down that Whopper.
You know that would actually be a sin, eating when I am not hungry. It could be the sin of gluttony, or it could be the sin of presumption, or the sin of selfishness, or all three plus some others. And it all began with a lie.
The Besetting Sin
Hebrews 12:1 mentions besetting sin. “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.”
What is this sin? The Bible does not spell it out for us. My opinion is that could be just about anything. I believe that this sin could be whatever it is at this particular time in your life that keeps tripping you up. It can be different things for different people, and different sins at different times. Webster defines besetting as “constantly harassing or attacking.” From that we see that it is a continuing thing, and contains much intensity. You will probably be doing a good bit of work with your counselees in this area.
When we first come to the Lord, we may have been delivered from something very destructive, such as alcohol. Maybe in the early days of our walk with God, we might have been tempted to have a drink. But the longer we live for God and the more we grow in grace and in our relationship with Jesus, the further that kind of thought is from us. That particular sin becomes one that could not easily beset us. We have outgrown it. Today, perhaps it is a more subtle sin, such as pride or envy. It can change with people, and also change with time. Lay aside every weight, and lay aside that sin. That is what we have to learn to do because we are allowing too much sin in our lives.
Covetous thoughts might be that sin. What about somebody coming in with a new car and you have that old rattletrap that won’t even make it out of the parking lot, and you start having thoughts about that person. You begin to think dreadful, covetous things. It is so easy to get into this because it is taking place in the secret, dark corners of your mind. Nobody can see it; nobody knows it—except our God. That is sin, because the Bible says that thou shall not covet.
We learn to think that we don’t have sin in our lives because we don’t commit the “big ones”—adultery, stealing, murder. We begin to justify, and think we are righteous, when all along there is hidden sin in our hearts. We can be so overcome with unforgiveness, prayerlessness, and jealousy, that they could become besetting sins. Whatever sin is in our lives, it is a life-or-death matter that we get it all out.
Sin goes so much deeper than mere individual actions. Let me tell you why. Sin can become entwined with our very nature so that it actually becomes our disposition. Have you ever met a grump? No matter what you do, they are going to grumble, murmur and gripe. That is their nature, their disposition. That is how they are. They say, well, this is just how I am. You just have to accept me the way I am. It is my disposition. Well, that is truer than we might like to think.
Let’s look at some definitions: Webster defines nature as: “The essential character of a thing; quality or qualities that make something what it is; essence, inborn character; innate disposition; inherent tendencies of a person.” Webster defines disposition as: “One’s customary frame of mind; one’s nature or temperament.”
A person will be in church Sunday night and Tuesday night they are no longer here. They backslid. Some will say, “But they were doing fine.” No they weren’t. You don’t backslide overnight. Jesus tells us that backsliding was in the heart long before anyone else ever saw the outward manifestation of it. I want us to work on attacking our belief system. Analyzing what we believe and doing away with it.
Matthew 12:35 A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.
Matthew 5:27, 28 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Think About Our Choices Your counselees must come to understand that they can start our day off with the right choices. They can choose their feelings before they even get out of bed. When you wake up in the morning and sit up in the bed, and you say, “Good morning Jesus, I am going to be happy today. Thank You for helping me!” Begin to tell yourself that before you let your little dainty toe touch the floor. “I am going to be happy today.” I have awakened in the mornings feeling very sad and depressed. You have, too. What we do with those feelings is important. We can choose to get up and hope we’ll feel better later, and move into our day with sadness. Or we can make the conscious choice of will: “I refuse this depression. I choose, instead, to be happy because of Jesus.” And begin to name the reasons we have to rejoice.
Throughout the day, we will be confronted with choices and decisions. Pray before each one. As a licensed private pilot, I logged a good number of hours flying a plane. Many of those hours were flown on what’s called “automatic pilot”—setting a control for the proper altitude and direction, then sitting back and relaxing. You don’t have to do a whole lot of thinking while on automatic pilot, and I was thrilled that my plane was equipped with one. However, it is not wise to go through life that way. Take yourself off of automatic pilot; learn to think your decisions through. With each wise choice you make, you will become wiser still. You will grow in your confidence to make the right decisions. Keep it moment-by-moment, choice-by-choice.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Phil. 4:8) There is a failsafe that always works. It works for me, it will work for anybody. When you feel yourself starting to get into depression, grab your Bible and read the last three chapters of the book of Revelation. Especially those last two chapters. I can never read through those without being lifted—without getting excited. Even so, come Lord Jesus!
Test 6 Test Module 6 Anger and Depression 1. Tell me your own experience with anger—your own, and that of someone close to you. 2. Was this anger ever resolved? Why or why not? 3. Read the following and write out the cited scriptures: · ( Matt. 12:34-35 ) No one or thing is the cause of your anger. The offense reveals the spirit that is in you. Sinful anger reveals that you are living to please self. · ( Eph. 2:1-6 ) Desires of the flesh and mind are inhabited by envy, jealousy, greed, and pride: the sources of anger. The enemy's job is to keep you occupied and earthbound by these selfish feelings. This will keep you from realizing the fullness of who and what you are in Christ Jesus. · ( Rom. 5:3-5 ) Anger and bitterness are two noticeable signs of being self-focused, and not trusting God's sovereignty in your life. Don't need to protect your 'rights', the defense of self. The very things that upset you, God will use to perfect and to motivate you to work through these tribulations, becoming a blessing instead of a curse. 4. Let’s think about thinking. We’ve heard people joke about “stinking thinking.” It is no joke. Our thoughts can truly stink in the nostrils of our God! Read the following and tell me how YOU measure up in your thought life: ( 1 Pet. 1:13-16 ; Eph. 2:10 ; Phil. 3:13-14 ) Anger and bitterness have no place in thought. We are to think dispassionately. The world lives by experiences, by reason, by feelings, but we are to live by faith. We are to live above experiences and reason. In order to think with security, we must think about thinking. A thinking person realizes who and what he is in Christ. He is above feelings and lives by his will based on the word of God. He fights a good fight of faith, not feelings, and he pursues excellence, being daily conformed to the image of Christ. 5. Following is a true case study of one suffering from Depression. Please read this study and tell me how you would use it with a counselee who was depressed. What steps would you take to her him/her out of the depression? “What am I doing in a mental institution? I don’t belong here. I am a child of God filled with the Holy Ghost and baptized in Jesus’ Name. How did I end up here? I’m supposed to have the victory. I thought God was suppose to heal me.” I asked myself these questions about 5 years ago. Looking back, I now realized that I was slowly deceived and then entrapped by societal lies regarding depression.
When I became very depressed, I was deceived into thinking it was due to a chemical imbalance or it was health related. (There are instances of depression due to chemical imbalances in the brain, but it is not as common as we are led to believe.) Also, I felt the church didn't “understand" depression; the church only dealt with "spiritual matters." I did not realize that depression was a spirit and it needed to be dealt with spiritually. Many churches recognize depression as a spirit, but they lack the counseling skills to help a hurting person come to the same recognition. Therefore, I was deceived into thinking I needed medicine and counseling to deal with it. So I started seeing a secular counselor. Soon afterwards, I began taking antidepressants. I got more depressed and became suicidal. Then I was hospitalized due to suicidal attempts. In fact, I was hospitalized seven times in one year. The last hospitalization was a state mental institution and I was on seven different kinds of psychiatric drugs. I was diagnosed with depression but one of the medications was an anti-psychotic drug. I was not functioning well at all; I was slobbering and I couldn’t even talk straight. When my friends came to visit me, they felt helpless and I felt embarrassed over the loss of control of my body. An Apostolic friend of mine tried to get me released into her care but the doctor refused. He stated I was too suicidal and dangerous. My friend tried to explain to the doctor that the medications were causing my suicidal actions, but he scoffed at her. She then asked the doctor to at least reduce the amount of medication I was taking. Again, he refused and increased my medication. I tried to stop taking the anti-psychotic medicine, but I was held down by the hospital staff and forced to take it. Somehow, I still had enough rationality left to ask a reporter friend of mine to do research on the anti-psychotic medication I was taking and the diagnosis of depression I had been given upon admission to the hospital. She sent me the information and just as I suspected, the two did not coincide. I presented the information to my doctor and within two hours, I was taken completely off the anti-psychotic medication and released from the hospital to my Apostolic friend. She then moved me into her home and took care of me. I went through severe withdrawal pains from the sudden discontinuation of the anti-psychotic medication. After the withdrawal crisis passed, my friend slowly began weaning me off of all medications. I am living on my own and I have been drug-free for four years. My deliverance from depression was not instantaneous; it was a slow, painful process. What made the process so slow for me was that I thought depression was psychological or emotional, not spiritual. Once I recognized depression as a spirit and began to address the problem spiritually, using the Word of God and prayer, healing and deliverance came. I prayed every day, whether I felt like it or not. It was not easy at first. I set aside a certain time and place to pray. The consistency and familiarity of it made prayer easier. There were days when all I could do was read aloud scripture from the Bible. It was not being “fake” and God honored the effort. I also learned to talk to Him on a personal level. I was honest with him, even when I was hurting. He began to minister His healing touch to me through His Word. Next, I began to apply the Word of God to my life. Prior to this point in my life, I read the Word of God on a daily basis. I could quote scriptures left and right. Yet, I did not apply the Word of God to my situation. So, I started with just three scriptures: Psalm 91, II Corinthians 10:3-6, and Psalm 107:20. Whenever the thoughts of depression, or any other similar spirit would enter my mind, I would get the Word of God and turn to these scriptures and read them over and over out loud. His Word heals!! The Word of God liberated me from the many lies of Satan. At first, it was hard for me to distinguish the lies from the truth. So, I got a notebook and wrote down a negative thought or feeling at the top of each page. Then I began to search the Word of God for scriptures to dispute each one. For example, I wrote at the top of one page, “I feel hopeless.” Underneath it, I wrote, “But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more. Psalm 71:14.” Then I wrote, “Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word. Psalm 119:114.” I always had at least 2-3 scriptures to dispute each lie. When the swirling lies of the enemy attacked me, I picked up the notebook, flipped to the appropriate page, and began reading aloud the scriptures recorded there. The Word of God was so powerful and it liberated me!! I found an Apostolic counselor and began to email her. It is helpful to have someone to talk to. After my experience with secular counselors, I needed to be extremely careful about who I talked to. This counselor upheld God’s Word and she held me accountable to it. Once I talked out the problem and processed it, I had to move on! I did not dwell on the problem. Above all, I did not neglect the Word of God and prayer. It was nice to have someone to listen to me and pray with me, but only the Word of God and prayer brought true deliverance. One of the best medications for depression is a physical act of worship (leap, dance, run). The last thing I wanted to do when I was depressed was to get up and get moving, much less perform an act of worship to God! There were times when I cried tears of rebellion as I made myself dance before Him. It felt so hypocritical because I didn’t feel joyful. Yet it worked. Sometimes, I wonder why it took me so long to get emotional healing and deliverance when I had the Word of God and prayer at my disposal. Then again, I think God allowed me to go through the experiences to understand the difference between the world’s way and His way of healing. The world’s way is psychological and it brings temporary relief. God’s way is His Word and it brings permanent and everlasting healing.
He sent His word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. Psalm 107:20.
Module 7
7. Regressive Therapy and Dissociative Multiple Personality Disorder I want to have a separate lesson on regressive therapy due to its prevalence among counselors, and to impart knowledge that this kind of thing is taking place. So let’s start with Regressive Therapy. It is called Regressive because the patient is put into a relaxed, hypnotic state and taken back across the years of her life. Usually all the way to babyhood. As Beth Rutherford says: “Had I only known that this type of thing could exist, I think it would have saved our tragedy,”
I want to use the example of Beth Rutherford in our discussion because there has been a lot of information in books, courtrooms, and the Internet. Beth begins by telling how she became involved with this awful deception, then on to some of the things she experienced after moving away from home. She winds up with describing how she was delivered, and offers a number of things that we, as counselors or as loved ones, may do to facilitate this process. It is important for us as counselors to realize this kind of thing is going on around us. We need to keep our hearts open to the voice of God as we guide the lives of others. I too experienced what you will be reading, to a degree. The damages in my family came nowhere near what the Rutherford family suffered. But I believe you need to know that these things can tragically happen. Many years ago while in counseling, I grew to believe that there had been an awfully destructive fire in my babyhood home, and that my family had abandoned me… left me to burn up, as they made their own way to safety. During the therapy, I remember actually feeling the flames, the heat on my tiny body, as I lay in my crib. For a number of years I hated my family because of this. And all the while, it was false. A memory instilled in my by a psychotherapist, supposedly to help me heal and become whole. I later learned the truth when I visited with my family again and learned, to my horror, that I had spent years in hatred when my family had never been guilty of this terrible act. Another reason I want to go into detail about this topic is because the psychology behind it can permeate all phases of counseling and of life in general. It shows how a therapist can work behind the scenes. Professor Elizabeth Loftus warns: “As we continue this work, it is important to heed the cautionary tale in the data we have already obtained: mental health professionals and others must be aware of how greatly they can influence the recollection of events and of the urgent need for maintaining restraint in situations in which imagination is used as an aid in recovering presumably lost memories.” (see footnote) Better yet, let us not go into areas where we call upon the counselee’s imagination. This borders on new age and hypnosis, and is best avoided in our work with others. The hurting soul is a fragile soul. Exercise restraint. Dr. Loftus tells about another counselee plagued by false memories: “In 1986 Nadean Cool, a nurse's aide in Wisconsin, sought therapy from a psychiatrist to help her cope with her reaction to a traumatic event experienced by her daughter. During therapy, the psychiatrist used hypnosis and other suggestive techniques to dig out buried memories of abuse that Cool herself had allegedly experienced. In the process, Cool became convinced that she had repressed memories of [many things]. She came to believe that she had more than 120 personalities-children, adults, angels and even a duck-all because, Cool was told, she had experienced severe childhood sexual and physical abuse. The psychiatrist also performed exorcisms on her, one of which lasted for five hours and included the sprinkling of holy water and screams for Satan to leave Cool's body.
When Cool finally realized that false memories had been planted, she sued the psychiatrist for malpractice. In March 1997, after five weeks of trial, her case was settled out of court for $2.4 million. Nadean Cool is not the only patient to develop false memories as a result of questionable therapy.” And on and on, there are many. I go into detail with the story of Beth Rutherford and her family. Beth explains, step by step, how this can happen to an innocent and vulnerable soul. A therapist can use these techniques to convince a counselee of just about anything; it does not have to be about sexual abuse, although most cases are. Now, let’s delve into Beth’s life a little: --------------------- Family torn by false repressed memories settles for $1 million SPRINGFIELD, Mo. (AP) - Beth Rutherford never knew she had a tormented childhood until she went to a church therapist for counseling. Under the counselor's guidance, she recalled how her minister father repeatedly raped her, got her pregnant, then performed a painful coat-hanger abortion. In truth, Beth was still a virgin, and her father had had a vasectomy many years before. Now the Rutherfords have settled a defamation and malpractice lawsuit against the church and the counselor - and they plan to use the money to travel the country, warning others of what the dangers of recovered memory therapy. “Had I only known that this type of thing could exist, I think it would have saved our tragedy,'' Beth Rutherford, 23, said Friday by telephone from her home in Tulsa, Okla. -------------------- The story began in the fall of 1992 when Beth, then 19, was having trouble sleeping because of work-related stress as a nurse in a cancer unit. Her father suggested she talk to Mrs. Strand, a “Christian Counselor” in a nearby church. After the presenting problem, stress, had been resolved, and without her parents' knowledge, Beth returned for at least 64 sessions during which Mrs. Strand taught the young woman how to enter a trance-like state through self-hypnosis. “I can tell you one thing for sure, they did not come from my mind,'' she said. “There are times in my therapy sessions that I have no memory of what happened.'' The lawsuit said two younger sisters also were interviewed by the counselor but had no memories of abuse. Nearly two years passed, and the Rutherfords still had no knowledge of their daughter's allegations. But the Strands had informed the General Council of the Assemblies of God, where Rutherford worked. He was confronted with the allegations and forced to resign Oct. 14, 1994. “We were just blown apart, in shock,'' Joyce Rutherford said. “You think they have the wrong name, the wrong family.'' But they didn't. And it soon grew worse. Tom Rutherford, now 46, took any job he could find - from seasonal postman to janitor. Many friends turned away. Yet he never revealed to the church that he had had a vasectomy when Beth was 4, making her pregnancy allegations physically impossible. “I never told them because I was so personally outraged,'' he said. “I thought I'm going to preserve a little dignity of my own and not tell them. I knew my innocence.'' It took nearly another year of being away from home and away from the hypnosis counseling for Beth to know his innocence, too, they said. In October 1995, at the insistence of the family's attorney, Beth underwent a gynecological exam. It showed she was still a virgin.
Background
The first time she went into the counselor's office she was certain that she had a wonderful family and childhood. However, during 2 1/2 years of therapy with the church counselor, she began recovering “memories” of being sexually abused by her father between the ages of 7 and 14.
Allegations were made against her father (a credentialed minister). She accused him of many things including impregnating her twice and performing a coat hanger abortion on her. If prosecuted, he would face 7 years to life in prison. A series of events over many months brought
Beth to the realization that these “memories” were false memories. Beth later retracted and rejoined the family. Upon being medically examined, Beth was found to be a virgin. She now is speaking out to help prevent what happened to her from happening to others.
____________
Beth's Story
Before we start thinking it could not happen to us, or to the people who come to us for counseling, let’s hear what happened from the lips of Beth herself.
THE PROCESS:
How did the reconstruction of my childhood and supposed recovery of “past memories” occur in therapy?
It was a process. It happened slowly, and I never stood back and looked at 'A to Z' All at once. I was absorbed into this process one “letter” at a time. The following is a general overview of the
process:
P - Putting doubt in my mind about my family, our relationships, my childhood, and my own memory.
R - Remembering my childhood.
O - Omitting the good and focusing on the perceived bad.
C - Commitment that dreams and ideas are “true memories” and flashbacks of reality.
E - Emotionalizing the memories and establishing loyalties to my therapist.
S - Separating from my parents and from all those who did not believe me. Then taking....
S - Steps of accusation and confrontation.
Each one of these phases was groundwork for bringing me deeper into believing that terrible sexual abuse had actually happened to me. In my conversations with other victims of this therapy, this process seems to be a common thread in all of our experiences with Age
Regression/Recovered Memory Therapy.
P - PUTTING DOUBT IN MY MIND
The starting point for me was the therapist asking me if I had ever been sexually abused. After I got over the shock, I emphatically said, “No, never!” I was told that I fit the signs (symptom list) of being abused.
The power of suggestion is an underestimated power. In my second session I happened to tell my therapist that I sometimes had strange dreams of heated arguments between my father and me, dreams of having my father send bears after me, and of his coming after me with a knife. I was told that these were dreams that sexually abused people have and, therefore, I had to have been sexually abused. This was the start of the downhill slide of my life for the next 2 1/2 years.
The following are a few examples of the conversations that I had in therapy that put doubts in my mind, causing me to begin to wonder if perhaps I had been a victim of sexual abuse:
Therapist: You're a high achiever in school (4.0 GPA). This suggests that you have been sexually abused.
Beth: How?
Therapist: You absorbed yourself with your academic studies in order to cope with the abuse you experienced at home.
Beth: But, why don't I remember any of this?
Therapist: It is because you have repressed it. It's the only way you could deal with the pain. Now you are mature enough to handle the information your mind is trying to reveal to you.
Beth: Really?
Therapist: You need to trust me. I know what I'm talking about when it comes to sexual abuse. I will help you recover your past and work through it. You see, Beth, the only way you will ever be a mentally healthy person is to recover these memories and deal with them. Then you can become a truly whole person.
The suggestion that your family and childhood may not be as good as you thought is powerfully implanted.
R - REMEMBERING MY CHILDHOOD
I was asked to remember and tell what it was like growing up in my home. I shared various stories, conversations, events, told about places, and gave multiple details. I described what our home looked like, how many rooms it had, where all of the bedrooms were, etc.
These statements gave my therapist specific events and details to work with as she weaved an amazing abuse story and all the while using my own stories with a new interpretation and twist. For example, in describing one of the homes we lived in, I told my therapist about a little storage shed that we had. This later became a place in my “memories” where I had been tied up and objects were inserted in me.
O - OMITTING THE GOOD AND FOCUSING ON THE PERCEIVED BAD
In this phase of therapy, I began to talk less and less about the
good in my family. When I attempted to point out times of happiness, I
was told that this was not the focus of our session. Every wonderful
time I described from my childhood was taken and twisted into an
example of a dysfunctional family.
Example 1: I told the therapist about times when my Dad and I wrote out checks and paid bills together when I was 9 years old. Instead of seeing the good in this situation, that I was learning about finances and enjoying a grown-up activity, my therapist focused on a twisted
reinterpretation, stating that my father treated me as a marriage partner, and that he really should have been doing this with my mom. The therapist said that this was an indication that he preferred me over my mother.
Example 2: I shared about a few times that my sisters and I got a peck on the lips as a good-bye from my parents when they would be leaving on a trip or going away for a few days. Instead of seeing this as a beautiful and simple demonstration of parental love, the therapist suggested that only a husband and a wife should ever kiss on the lips, that it was wrong for a daughter and father to do so, and that this was inappropriate sexual behavior on the part of my father.
Example 3: My parents would encourage me to do well in school since academics was a natural ability and interest of mine. Instead of seeing this as parental support for my tendencies toward and enjoyment of academics, the therapist reinterpreted the parental words of encouragement, saying, “Your parents were feeling guilty about the fact that they were abusing you. If you did well in school, they wouldn't feel like they were causing you any damage or harm by the
abuse they were committing.”
Over time I came to believe that I had an incorrect memory of my childhood and that my therapist really had the correct view. I was told that people who were abused are not good judges of their own past because if abuse is all you have known or grown up with, you would not
see it as wrong or abnormal.
C - COMMITMENT THAT DREAMS AND IDEAS ARE “TRUE MEMORIES” AND
FLASHBACKS OF REALITY
As the focus on sexual abuse in our therapy sessions escalated, so did the sexual content and intensity of my dreams. I would come into the next therapy session and was asked what I had dreamed about recently. I was told that these were actual memories (not dreams or fantasies) and that through dreams my mind was revealing facts to me. I was asked to concentrate deeply on my childhood. In this state of deep concentration and focus on earlier years, I went into hypnotic
and trance-like states.
After “coming out” of one of these trances, I was told by my therapist that I had just revealed an event of sexual abuse and described for her something that had happened to me. She would then
read back to me what she had written down about the “memory” I had recovered. I trusted my counselor. I looked up to her (she had an MS degree in counseling-psychology and BSW in social work). She was a professional. Although I didn't consciously remember what happened in
those trance-like states, I felt that I could trust her when she would explain, “Beth, you have just had a flashback into your past. . .these are real events that have actually happened to you. . .”
E - EMOTIONALIZING THE MEMORIES.
We talked about what a victim “feels” like and focused on the emotions of a victim: feelings of helplessness, loss of control, anger, hatred of your mother for not protecting you from your father, feeling dirty and afraid. As I began to internalize these emotions, they became a part of my thinking and my feelings. I began having “body memories.” When coming out of a trance, I could actually feel the pain of being penetrated. My legs would go numb from 'remembering' times of being tied up. Again, I was told that this all was repressed and was now coming out; my mind was now allowing me to know what really happened to me as a child. These physical symptoms only reinforced for me that these times of abuse had to have happened or I would not be feeling the physical pain.
A highly significant phase of fully believing in the reality of my recovered “memories” was going to other mental health professionals for evaluations. A psychiatrist and a psychologist concluded from their psychological testing and evaluation that indeed I had been severely traumatized as a child. With these results, I fully believed that my good and happy childhood was really a cruel joke. (I only wish that I realized then what I know now, that Psychological testing s
not a proof of history. It is only a reflection of what you believe and what is in your mind at the time of testing.)
E - ESTABLISHING LOYALTIES TO MY THERAPIST
I told my therapist everything: every dinner conversation held at home, my parents' phone calls that I overheard, the comments my dad and mom made to me, etc. I called her from my closet at home if I felt scared. There were times I might call her four or more times a day in addition to my numerous therapy sessions. Sometimes I had two and three therapy sessions a week. Some were two- and three-hour marathons each.
I sneaked into my father's office and got into his files and found papers he had to sign. I brought them to the therapist so that she could copy them for herself, and then I sneaked them back into my father's files.
I would have given my life to be her daughter. An emotional bond was formed between us. I felt like only she could save me from my broken life. I thought that only she truly knew me and, therefore, only she could help me. I lived for my therapist and therapy sessions.
S - SEPARATING FROM MY PARENTS AND FROM ALL THOSE WHO DID NOT BELIEVE ME.
I was told that the only way that I was going to be able to be a healthy adult was to get away from my infectious parents, because they were like cancer and I had to “cut them out” in order to be a mentally healthy adult. The therapist told me that they were the cause of all the problems in my life, and I must be the one to break the cycle of abuse in my family so that I in turn would not abuse my children. I was told that my parents' refusal to admit guilt meant that I must
separate from them, for they were in denial.
By this time, I had deteriorated physically. I weighed 87 pounds, was on medication, and hated life. I was told that in order to have any happiness in my life, I had to get away from my sick parents and any relatives who would not believe me. Only by cutting them all out
of my life was healing possible.
S - STEPS OF ACCUSATION AND CONFRONTATION
Not every son or daughter takes this step. I was more than encouraged; I actually felt pressured to do this by the therapist. My plan was to get away from my parents and never see them again.
However, accusations were brought against my parents in an ecclesiastical meeting, an absolute nightmare for them. It was the first time they were informed of what 2 1/2 years of therapy had
created.
To accuse my parents was a statement of defiance. I told them that just because they wouldn't admit what they had done to me didn't mean I would back down from my belief that they did it. Making these accusations was driven by the therapist, who consistently told me that to accuse is the only way true healing can begin. I was never further from true healing! I went to her office 2 ½ years earlier as a normal, well adjusted, happy young adult with job stress. And after 2 1/2 years of “treatment” I was unrecognizable! I was a wreck mentally, physically, socially, financially and educationally. I was jobless with a destroyed past, present, and future. Thank God, He helped me find my way out of “therapy” and put me on the road of recovery.
IN SUMMARY, each situation is different. Those of us who are victims of False Memory Syndrome initially go to a therapist for different reasons. For me, it was job stress. For others it may be a painful divorce, a death in the family, marital problems, problems with a child, a tragic pregnancy, etc. But one thing is certain, we never walked into the therapist's office with the idea that we had been sexually abused. Unfortunately however, we all left with that idea.
Each person is an individual with individual needs who warrants being treated as such. If you went to a medical doctor's office with indigestion and wanted him to treat you for the indigestion, would it be acceptable medical practice for a doctor:
*to neglect to give you a physical examination;
*to not verify symptoms with external evidence and tests, or not take a medical history, etc.;
*to extemporaneously diagnose you with cancer of the stomach;
*to proceed with years of treatment (chemo/radiation/experimental drugs);
*to talk you into having a surgery to cut out the cancer by removing part of your stomach;
*to watch you deteriorate in every way; only to discover you never had cancer at all?
Would this be acceptable medical practice? Of course not! So why are similar methods tolerated in the professional mental health community? There is something wrong with “methodology” or “services rendered” if an unsuspecting client comes in with a little headache and goes out with no arms or legs....comes in with one problem and leaves with a life shattered to pieces. What ever happened to the sensibility of the Hippocratic Oath, “To Do No Harm.” Yes, there are real people who do have real cancer who need treatment. And of course, there are real people, who have had experienced real sexual abuse who may need assistance in dealing with that horrendous load of agony and pain. Those people deserve to be believed, listened to and helped. One case of sexual abuse is one case too many.... a nightmare for any who have lived through it. But to diagnose someone as sexually abused and to lead people to believe that horrible things happened to them that in reality never did....to destroy lives....to play with peoples' minds is morally despicable malpractice.
A R E T R A C T O R S P E A K S - P A R T II
by Beth Rutherford
My Journey Home and Back to Truth
At the end of 2 1/2 years of therapy, I had come to fully believe that I had been impregnated by my father twice. I “remembered” that he had performed a coat hanger abortion on me with the first pregnancy and that I performed the second coat hanger abortion on myself. I also
“recalled” that he had inserted [terrible things] inside of me, and other “horrors.” I came to believe this without a doubt and could “remember” it happening detail by detail.
I was told by my therapist that I had to separate from my parents in order to break this cycle of “abuse” in my family. Otherwise, my therapist said, I would be at risk to abuse my own children some day when I became a mother. By the end of this 2 1/2 years of therapy, I had so physically deteriorated that my weight was down to 87 pounds, unable to eat because of the emotional and mental battle that was raging inside me. I was on medication and my mind was sinking deeper
and deeper into blackness. With my last bit of energy and in an effort to begin to “get well,” my middle sister, Lynette, and I rented a U-haul and moved away from my parents in Springfield, MO to Oklahoma City, OK. My youngest sister, Shara, went into hiding in Springfield, afraid that my father would murder her. Both of my sisters had come to believe my “memories” of abuse. We cut off all communication with my parents.
However, moving away from my parents also put me out of direct contact with my therapist. This was the best thing that could have happened to me, although I didn't realize it at the time. After four months of continual phone contact with my therapist in Missouri, I was instructed by her to try and find a new therapist to continue my “treatment.” But, I decided, I had participated in all the therapy I could handle and wanted a break from the tormenting sessions that dwelt exclusively on abuse events. This crucial decision was the beginning of my journey home. When you don't have someone interpreting your parents' every move and word, you begin to think on your own.
After I left home, my father and mother were brought before the southern Missouri state leadership of our church. My father's ministerial credentials were taken from him because he was charged with molesting and abusing me as a child. My mother was accused of participating in some of the molestation by restraining me so my father could carry out his sadistic acts. Three months before these accusations were made, my father had lost his job at our denominational world headquarters, but he never knew the real reason why he was fired. Now, however, he began to realize what had really been going on behind the scenes. My parents were told that they were not to contact my two sisters or me. It was explained to them that if they didn't sign a statement of guilt, their file would be turned over to the district attorney's office and my father
would be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, and he would face seven years to life in prison. My parents refused to admit guilt to our denominational leadership for something they had not done.
All communication ceased between us. I fully believed that my parents had committed these atrocities as much as they fully knew that they had never done them. What changed my mind? What brought me to the truth?
On April 19, 1995 at 9:02 AM, a bomb went off in Oklahoma City. My mother, a nurse like me, was working at the hospital that day in Springfield, MO. As she went from patient to patient, she overheard TV reports about the shocking devastation in Oklahoma City. A lot of horrible things happened that day, but one good thing came out of it all.
My mom knew that two of her daughters were in Oklahoma City. She was worried about my sister and me, knowing we worked in the vicinity of the explosion. She also knew that she had been told that if she contacted her children it could be used in a court of law against her as harassment. But she decided, “There is no law against expressing love and concern for my children. If they want to lock me up for trying to find out if my daughters are alive, then let them.” When worry overcame fear, she called. But I was not home, so she left a message on the answering machine.
My sister and I were caught in the massive traffic on the interstate that day. We missed the phone call, but it is a day I will never forget. It was our first contact from home. You see, when I came home and listened to my mom's voice, it was the most soothing and comforting thing that could have happened. As I later learned, my mom had prayed for an opportunity to be able to show her love for her daughters, and kept her mind and heart open to any circumstances that would allow it. She didn't know if it would happen in months, years or even maybe never, but she was looking and hoping. With that thought in her heart, her words that day were ones of love and concern. She stated that if we needed anything to let her know and that they (myparents) were always there for us. She then hung up the phone. I can remember listening to that message and hearing that “past” mom that I had hidden away in my memory, and I thought of times when she would
rock me at night as a little girl or hold me when I was upset. For a brief moment, good true memories crept into my thinking. I quickly shoved them back into the “closet,” though, as I felt I had to keep hatred toward them alive. But, it was the next little step in my journey back home.
My youngest sister, who during this time had been living in hiding from my parents in Springfield, MO, started making contact with my parents. She was the first to go home. She called and told me that after having a nine-hour talk with our parents, she was planning to
move back home. I felt so betrayed. I told her, “Shara, you and I will always be sisters and in that context I will always love you. But, you have stabbed me in the back and I feel betrayed.” I hung up the phone and turned to my sister Lynette and cried. I said, “Lyn, please don't ever do to me what Shara has just done.” I can remember lying in bed at night and hurting over being so betrayed.
Shara and I had very little conversation on the phone from then on. I can remember thinking that if I proved to Shara that she was wrong, she would come back and “join my side” again. I decided that the best way to do this was to show my parents how much better off I was without them in my life and Shara would perhaps see how cruel my parents were to me when I was with them. After all, my parents were horrible monsters and only mean things would come out of their mouths at me. In my desire to prove Shara wrong and to show my parents I really didn't need or want them in my life, I made another contact. In retrospect, it was actually another giant step toward home.
I called up my mom and asked her if she wanted to go shopping with me. I told her that I would meet her halfway (in Tulsa, OK) where my aunt and uncle lived, and we could shop together if she would agree not to talk about “the situation.” She agreed and off to the mall we went! So many important things happened in that one afternoon that were so vital to my coming back home. I want to share them with you and explain why it was so helpful to me.
1. WE MET IN A NEUTRAL PLACE. By meeting in a neutral place there were no emotional attachments to it. If I had met my mom at their home, it would have been too emotionally threatening. If I left that day thinking good and warm thought about her, I would have later
chalked it up to having been emotionally manipulated into feeling that way. It needed to be a place that had no emotional components.
2. WE MET IN A PLACE OF ACTIVITY. By meeting in a place surrounded by action and noise, the pressure was not there to talk. If we had met in a favorite restaurant, it would have been difficult for me-too much eye contact, too much quietness. It would have been very uncomfortable for me to sit across a table staring at my mother and struggling to talk about something. In fact, I probably would have gotten up and walked out because of the sheer awkwardness that would have been present. However, at the mall there was no pressure for conversation.
3. WE DISCUSSED NEUTRAL TOPICS. Since we are both nurses, we talked about work and our frustrations and enjoyments about a career in nursing. We talked about our dog, Ginger. I missed her dearly and my mother talked about the newest crazy thing she had just done. We never talked about my dad or what was occurring in our lives because of my belief in the sexual abuse. By my mother keeping her agreement not to address the “situation,” I soon came to realize that my parents would respect the boundaries that I had placed and that they could be
trusted. My mom and I laughed together and for a few hours our relationship was just like what it had always been.
4. SHE ASKED MY PERMISSION TO DO THINGS. While at the mall, my mother asked me if she could buy me a loofah sponge. I said, “yes,” and she bought it for me. I can remember standing at the counter and holding back tears as she paid for it. You see, I knew my father was
unemployed and I knew that she didn't have money to be spending. Watching my mother's love in action was something I thought about after we had parted ways. Also, when my mother asked me if she could buy something for me, it left me with the consequences of my decision. If I had said “no,” I couldn't have walked away thinking “See my mother doesn't even care about me. She never even offered to do something for me.” If I said “yes,” I couldn't walk away and say, “My mother feels guilty for what she did to me as a child, so she is buying me gifts to make up for it.” By her asking me, I couldn't misinterpret her gift.
These basic elements in our meeting together for the first time made such an impact on me. How could such an evil parent be loving and warm toward an accusing daughter? I began to think for the first time that this picture wasn't lining up. However, I didn't allow myself to dwell on those thoughts for too long. You see, it would be too conflicting on the inside to do so. It was easier to just ignore thoughts of love and affection for or from my mom. Fortunately, this was a short-lived pattern. Although my mom wondered what good the shopping trip had done, little did she know that as I drove back to Oklahoma City I dwelt on every word said, every twinkle in her eye and her smile. Her objective of showing LOVE had been accomplished, but only I knew that.
Since my experience with my mother had gone so well, we kept in touch and I became more open to the idea of seeing my father. A short time after the shopping visit, my mom began asking me repeatedly if I would allow my father to see me. I repeatedly told her “no.” I explained to my mom that I would vomit if I saw my father. I still believed that he was a monster of a human being. My mom, again, respected my answer but continued to gently prod on. I finally agreed
to see my dad. It happened at my uncle and aunt's house in Tulsa, OK.
I came down from upstairs and walked into the kitchen. I was a nervous wreck! Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my dad coming across the kitchen toward me. I closed my eyes and was waiting for the impact of his fist. I thought he was going to hit me, as I believed he was an evil man. Although he had never hit me with his fist before, I had come to believe through therapy that this was a common occurrence in my growing-up years. Beside me, I heard muffled sobbing. I opened my eyes and there next to me stood my dad. I stood in disbelief. Why is he crying? He quietly whispered through his tears, “Thanks for letting me see you. . . I thought I had lost you forever. . . . I didn't think I would ever see you again . . . Can I say your name?” I nodded my head quietly in a “yes” motion. He began to say my name over and over. He explained “It just hurt too much to say it before.” You see, I was expecting an angry man to come at me with accusations and tones of hatred. I expected that he would demand answers and give me ultimatums or threats of permanent alienation. But he displayed the exact opposite. He showed a heart of a real dad, full of love. I remember standing at the kitchen counter that day. It was a tender moment that my dad and I share to this day. It still brings tears to our eyes when we talk
about it together. But standing there that day, I was blown away in my thinking. How could such an ugly monster be so caring, loving, broken and tearful? I started to wonder if all those memories were true. After all, this just wasn't lining up. Let me explain some things that began to turn my thinking around that day.
1. MY FATHER AVOIDED ANY KIND OF ANGRY TONE OR HOSTILITY. Had my dad told me that I was all wrong and that if I ever wanted to see him again, I must apologize, I would have promptly gotten my keys and gone home. If he had wanted to hash out all of my accusations and go over them, I also would have left. But, by wanting nothing more than to see
me and by not bringing up a single detail of the wreckage of his life, I went away thinking only of his tears and gratitude toward me for allowing him to see me.
2. MY FATHER LET HIS EMOTIONS SHOW THROUGH. This perhaps had the biggest impact on me, for I had never seen my dad cry like he did that day. I learned that my father did not let this devastating experience harden him. Instead, it softened and broke his heart and that softness was what won mine.
3. WE WERE ONLY TOGETHER FOR A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. Had my father and I spent all day together, it would have been too emotionally overwhelming for me. The short encounter allowed me to dwell on the details in a better way. It also kept him from saying the wrong things! In other words, I didn't have too much to remember from our meeting, and what I did have to remember weren't the wrong kinds of things.
Remember (parents), the therapist suggests that you are monsters. Be
Test 7
Test Module 7 Regressive Therapy and MPD
1. For this test, I would like for you to sum up the Beth Rutherford case. Tell me in 500 words what Beth endured at the hands of her counselor, and your thoughts about it. 2. Next, let’s talk about what she called the “Process.” Can you see yourself using this with a counselee who is the victim of false memories implantation? 3. These two topics are highly controversial. Please give me your thoughts on them. Do you believe in their validity? 4. Please list 3 advantages of MPD.
Module 8
8. Pornography and other Sexual Sins
O
ne of the most prevalent issues facing people today—people in the church, women as well as men—is that of pornography and other sexual sins. And because of that, it will be a prevalent issue facing you, as you reach out to minister to people in a counseling capacity. We cannot circumvent it. It is here to stay. And as we open our homes more and more to the evils of television and ungodly videos, sexual sins will grow in proportion. I think that many people do not see the seriousness of watching worldly videos and DVDs. They think that, because it is not television, it is okay. “I can control what I watch on videos,” they say. That is similar to others saying about television, “I can always switch stations.” Yes, we can do that. But what glimpses might we have seen before actually changing channels? Sometimes all it takes is just one glimpse of a pornographic scene. Beyond that, or in addition to, is the fact that television is connected to an outside source. That is an invitation for all kinds of ungodliness to enter into your home from the outside. After a particularly violent or pornographic scene, you may not notice it immediately; but be on the alert for demons that may now be walking the halls of your home. The topic of this lesson is not television but I want to leave you with this thought: Do you really want to have drinking and fornication and adultery in your home? Is it really okay for your children to view these things? Even though they might not be viewing an actual scene of adultery, the innuendoes lie behind it. The implication is clear. Read Chapter 9 in your textbook, APOSTOLIC COUNSELING, and answer the following questions: 1. Since I am in the Church and living for God, I don’t have to worry about pornography. T F 2. The counseling for pornography is limited and cannot be done online. T F 3. According to Oklahoma Congressman Steve Largent, how many men will be visiting pornographic websites in any given night? ________________________________
4. Do you think Brenda’s story is important in helping to empower counselors to deal with the sin of pornography?__________________________ 5. What were the keys Brenda used for her deliverance? And how could you apply them today to someone in the throes of pornography? How To Be Free From Pornography Adapted from: http://bibleresources.org/pornography
You need to first of all repent of your sin and ask Jesus to come into your heart and cleanse you and deliver you from this evil. No sin is too black or wicked that the blood of Jesus cannot cleanse you from it. The Bible says in: 1 John 1:9-10, 2:1-2: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation (the atoning sacrifice) for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.”
Because pornography is a spiritual problem you will need spiritual help in getting free from it. By partaking of this evil you have opened yourself up to demonic control. You may need someone who has the gift of the Holy Spirit to pray deliverance over you. You should seek out a Bible believing church that believes in deliverance and knows how to deal with demons. The Lord will lead you in this matter if you ask Him. Do not allow pride to prevent you from getting help and getting free if you need it. James 4:7-8, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.”
As you commit your life to Christ and obey Him you can get the victory because you are not fighting this battle alone, but you have access to the power of Christ and what He did for you. Romans 6:12-18: “Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. What then? Shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid. Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness.”
Today men and women must war in this culture to maintain their sexual purity. This battle is a battle in the mind. You must cast down imaginations that do not agree with the Bible and quote the Word of God over your body and mind. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”
You must stay away from the area of temptation and destroy all videos, games, magazines, etc. that are pornographic. If you must use the computer in your work environment, you should employ a filter service for your ISP or software that filters out those evil invitations so they do not enter your e-mail and cannot be accessed by your browser. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20: “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
Should you stumble or fall, do not stay down. Just ask the Lord to forgive you and start again in your walk with Him. Ask Him to empower you to overcome. You cannot do it in your strength. Just remember that in Him you can do all things. Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
Sexual Identity Issues A godly young man struggling with his sexual identity thought he might be homosexual. He went to his pastor who did not want to discuss this kind of thing. (Pastors, please toughen up, and listen to the problems of your people.) He referred him to a “Christian” counselor. Here is what the counselor told the young man: “You need to go ahead and try it out—You’ll always be left wondering if you don’t. You have to get past this, get it out of your system.” Because this counselor was older, and a “Christian,” the confused young man ended up taking his advice. Today he is far from God, hopelessly lost in the homosexual lifestyle unless God intervenes. Now this does not excuse the young man. There is never an excuse to sin. And of course it’s possible that the young man was looking for an excuse. But even that can be changed by God’s Word. God changes desires and can give us a new heart. But a heart that is vulnerable needs Godly direction, not encouragement towards sin. Satan is out to destroy marriage and the family, and to discredit our God any way He can. He wants to destroy people, because God loves us so much. He wants to cause all kinds of confusion and sorrow. Then there will be more people to point their finger at God and say, “Ha! What kind of God would let this happen?” Never mind that Satan is the one behind all the dysfunction in the first place. He is so jealous of God! He wants to destroy our love and trust and respect for a holy and loving God. What an effective way, by instigating the whole issue of same-sex relationships! Oh, Satan is sly! He’s gradually gained control over the mainstream of America—education, television, radio, newspapers, publishers, and even the family-revered Disney. Listen to this, “As a Roman Catholic—and more importantly, a thinking person—I do not presume the Bible provides the last word on sexual ethics. In my mind, the matter is more complicated than that.” (Helminiak, Daniel, What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality, San Francisco, 1994. Not recommended for a scriptural study.) You might be shocked by how much literature is on the market, written by so-called Bible scholars. These books are crawling with Satan’s lies, twisting precious verses to say what he wants it to say…what he wants the confused to believe…his deadly snares. Listen to this, and I quote (Italics, mine): “Top scholars—such as Yale history professor…and New Testament professors… of Berkeley and…of Union Theological Seminary—show that those who perceive Bible passages as condemning homosexuality are being misled by faulty translation and poor interpretation.” (Helminiak, 1994) I couldn’t read any more. I didn’t have the heart. I’ve included it here just so you will be aware of some of what is available “out there” for our questioning young people. I know that what I’ve just presented is only a tip of the iceberg. Our people need good, solid, biblical training! We need to start talking about this, and giving them proper teaching on it. People struggling with homosexuality—of all ages—are curious about it, and will get information one way or the other. Let’s stop hiding our heads in the sand, and help them get what they need from us to teach the truth. The Spirit of Deception The worst thing about being deceived is that we don’t know that we are deceived. I would also venture to say that—of all groups of sinners—homosexuals are the most deeply steeped in deception. Satan has ordained this to be so. How else can human beings deviate so far from God’s design—and bring so much destruction to their bodies and their minds—without being deceived into believing that it is not so. God predicted this, He knew about it before the world began. And He warned us in His Word that there would be those who called truth lies, and lies truth, and other “Newspeak.” Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight! (Isaiah 5:20,21). This is deception. There has been a spirit of deception unleashed on this earth as never before. And after it has done its damning work, God Himself will send a strong delusion. This great depth of deception is why homosexuality and other life-dominating sins are absolutely the hardest to break. Deception abounds, of course, in the area of Bible interpretation. I do understand one thing, Nello, and that is that homosexuals are prepared with their arguments to refute what the Bible says. They are prepared for the newly-arriving Christian who is still full of doubts. One of the most-often used arguments regarding the Bible is the scene between Lot, the Angels, and the men of the city of Sodom. When one reads this account through, there can be no doubt whatsoever that the Bible is talking about the sin of sodomy. We still use that word today; it has been handed down through all the generations. And yet, Satan has burned into the hearts of deceivers that this passage means just about anything else. It is most often described as the sin of lack of hospitality. Because hospitality is such an important topic in the Bible, some people can latch onto this explanation. But Lot told the men not to do wickedly—wanting to be hospitable is not wicked. People have to be deceived not to see the truth of this account, and that is that God destroyed Sodom for the particular sin of sodomy—homosexuality. If it was lack of hospitality, Lot would not have offered his virgin daughters. Lot knew. God knew. And we’d better know, too. People leaving God to go into homosexuality are people who usually have been taught that the Bible is true. In their hearts they are loathe to do something that the Bible forbids. So here they are wavering, and very confused. Powerful cognitive dissonance! A part of them wants to stay in the church and another part of them is ready to give up the fight. This is the point where we—the church—can play such a vital role for them. If we can meet them at that point—and expound the scriptures to them, reinforce God’s Word to them—and at the same time be willing to answer their questions and let them just talk….we can make a difference for that soul! Because if, at that very fragile point, they meet a seasoned homosexual, he will be more than willing to explain his version of what the Bible says. And it will not be what the Bible is actually saying. This is why I feel it is so important what comes over the pulpit. This person needs to sense that he will be listened to, and worked with. One of Satan’s most dangerous lies you’ll ever have to deal with is that the homosexual is “born that way, it’s in his genes.” The purpose of this lie is to instill hopelessness! But I am here to tell you that if you are gay, it is NOT in your genes! And if I were to tell you that it is, I would be telling you that you are a hopeless case. If you were born that way, and it is part of your biology, change would be impossible. For example, I was born with brown eyes. Today, over sixty years later I still have brown eyes. There were many times in my youth when I yearned to be a blue-eyed cutie, but the mirror always failed me. When I was born, my genes said I would be five-foot-seven, and sure enough—it happened just that way, even though there were times I felt awfully tall and gangly! This “born-gay” lie has been repeated so many times that it appears to be scientific. It appears to be reasonable. If a person is looking for an excuse to continue in his sin, it is an easy lie to believe. He doesn’t feel so guilty. And if he can help spread the lie, others won’t think he’s so guilty, either. But if you are looking for an escape from this behavior, it is good news to learn that homosexuality is sin, not genetic. Because that means you can change, you are not stuck in this mode! We are stuck with our genes—but not with our sins. It is so simple; please try to see it. Repent, turn and walk away from it. Go the other way. I did not say it is easy. Nothing good is ever really easy. I said it is simple. Only Satan and his public relations department have complicated it and muddied the waters. There is great hope to be found in a gracious God. Born that Way? Or God’s Call? But, for the sake of argument, just say—even if that were true—even if youwere “born that way”—you need to remember this: celibacy is a gift. For His own reasons, God calls some people to celibacy. I believe this is a very special, precious call, because even our Lord Jesus chose that life for Himself while on earth. We each have a different call and a different path to walk with God. We have some awesome men and women of God today who are single, and are doing a tremendous work for the Lord. I know women evangelists who would enjoy it so much if the Lord sent them a husband—but since He has not, they have devoted their lives and service to the Kingdom of God. Look at the apostle Paul. “But I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that” (I Corinthians 7:7). Perhaps you can help that struggling soul to see that perhaps God is calling him-- not into homosexuality—but to a deeper kind of consecration, set apart unto Him? But that call could be interpreted, on a subconscious level, as an aversion to the opposite sex, thus homosexuality? Does what I’m saying make sense? Satan says otherwise: he would try to convince you that you just can’t help it; it is all beyond you, and that you’re so weak and frail you simply must indulge in this lifestyle. But stop and think about it: I could be writing these same words to the college co-ed seeking an opposite-sex mate, because you see, it makes no difference—we can live a pure and celibate life—with God’s help. I lived that way for almost 25 years. Paul tells us, “…he that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord” (I Corinthians 7:32). The point is, no one has to have a sexual life! Heterosexual or homosexual. Sex is a gift to a man and woman who have been joined in holy matrimony. Any other use of it—homosexual or heterosexual—is sin, and is not the will of God. Sex is a powerful drive, but not one that has to be served at all costs.
The Construction of Homosexuality
God does deliver, no doubt about it. All sin stems from a lie from the enemy, but perhaps homosexuality is the biggest lie of all. It is one subtle lie after another, from our youth to the day that we finally accept the label for ourselves. Each one building on the other, with little “mistruths” added, with one word changed here and one word changed there.... And as we grow older, the events of the past become even more distorted, until the real truth about the event no longer exists in our minds. What we are seeing now is that past event through the eyes and memory of a lie. These are just built, one upon another, and we don’t have a clue; we never realize what happened. It can be compared to the construction of a building. You start with the foundation, then add brick upon brick. One thing on top of another until you have the finished product. And in the construction of a homosexual, that foundation, upon which everything else is built, is a lie. The whole package—the whole building—rests upon a lie! And the lies which follow hold it all together, like mortar. A former homosexual told me this: “I think with homosexuality, we become so alienated from everything that is normal and healthy, from what God intended for us.... we become so alienated from the heterosexual world, from family, from the church, from everything that we really need, and—yes, even alienated from God—from the sources that will help us, and we become more and more bound by the sin. We no longer are able to relate to the same sex in a Godly manner.... It’s like we have burnt the bridges and have no place to turn but to our sin. And thus, we become the sin. ‘I amhomosexual!’” In this respect, there is little difference between what we’re talking about now and, say, the sin of alcoholism, or crack addiction. At Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings, you will hear each person, one after another, beginning their testimony with, “Hello, my name is Gertrude and I’m an alcoholic.” You and the sin became one. It becomes your nature…your disposition. Your thoughts, and therefore your beliefs, shaped you into a pseudo-being—far removed from what your Maker created you to be. But God can and does deliver! I personally know a number of people—men and women—who have been delivered from this sin. A few of them have stepped up to the plate and told what God has done for them. Several of them are now ministering to the homosexual. But by and large, most of them are not saying anything. I knew a former homosexual in one church who had a strong desire to step out with his testimony but his pastor would not allow it. The pastor felt it would open up old wounds. But I have found, over and over, that ministering to others brings continued healing. Masturbation
Don’t think that as a counselor you can avoid being confronted with this. The practice of masturbation can bring tremendous guilt and depression upon a person, and there may be times when you might even have to approach the subject with a counselee if you see any signs of it.
As we have more marriage dissolutions—more single people—more people living inside marriages that are less than satisfying, more and more people find themselves confronted with this issue.
There are two predominant views—legalistic and permissive. When people seek answers regarding masturbation from legalistic counselors, they may leave the counseling session feeling condemned or confused. They are often told that masturbation is wrong, without being given any biblical explanations for why it is wrong; therefore, they continue to masturbate with no real hope for healing.
When people seek help from counselors who hold the permissive view, they may leave the counseling session feeling indecisive. The people are counseled that masturbation is okay. They wonder, “If its okay, then why do I feel guilty when I do it?” They feel the desire to stop masturbating, but they become immoviled with indecisiveness without biblical answers.
I am providing a link to an excellent paper on this subject for those of you who are interested. It has been scanned and no viruses found. Masturbation
Adultery and Fornication and other Lusts You probably would not believe all the letters, calls, and emails I receive from our apostolic people—men and women, laymen and ministers—crying their heart out because the spouse has been discovered in adultery. “An affair,” it is called these days. Not sin. Back in the fifties, it was most likely called a “love affair,” because “love” was often involved. Today, love does not have to enter the equation at all, nor does respect. Paul and Jenny Speed, in their book, Freedom from Bondage (Institute in Basic Life Principles, 2007), bare their hearts. Each talks about deliverance from Hidden Moral Failure. Paul was from the typical “Leave it to Beaver” family. He explained that, while a lot of people consider this kind of upbringing the ideal, for Paul, he grew up thinking that looking good on the outside was what really mattered. “The standard,” said Paul, “by which I measured everything was, “What will people think?” Paul goes on to explain that his bondage to lust began around the age of eight, when he was introduced to pornography by neighborhood boys. Lust and masturbation crept in, and soon they began to control him. Because he hid his sin and lies, he had no ability to stand against the enemy when temptations came. “On the outside, I looked like the perfect husband and father who had everything together. On the inside, however, I was being destroyed by Satan. I knew my actions were wrong, and each time I failed, I swore it would be the last. However, because I refused to bring my sins to the light and confess them to Jenny, I continued to fall.” Ah, you say. Tell my wife? Tell my husband? Advise my clients to do that? Oh no, that would be the end of everything! It would just cause pain and confusion, and besides, hasn’t God already forgiven me? Paul explains. When you come clearn with your spouse by confessing moral failures, you will experience a feeling of euphoria. You will even feel free physically because hiding your sin affects your entire being—body, soul and spirit. “In a sense, however, your wife will now carry this burden. At this point, it is your job to take responsibility for your wife and nurture her through this difficult time.” Where is the Family? Paul Speed says, “I saw how I, as the father and husband, had failed to protect my family from Satan’s ravaging. For the first time, I realized that my sin really did have conseqences and that these consequences were not being reaped only in my life, but also in the lives of my wife and children…. When I saw the pain my sin had caused my family, I wept.”
ASSIGNMENT Read Chapter 8 in your textbook, APOSTOLIC COUNSELING, and answer the following questions: 1. Since I am in the Church and living for God, I don’t have to worry about pornography. T F 2. The counseling for pornography is limited and cannot be done online. T F 3. According to . Oklahoma Congressman Steve Largent, how many men will be visiting pornographic websites in any given night? _______________________________ 4. Do you think Brenda’s story is important in helping to empower counselors to deal with the sin of pornography?__________________________ 5. What were the keys Brenda used for her deliverance? And how could you apply them today to someone in the throes of pornography?
Test 8
Module 9
9. The Renewing of Your Mind
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2
B
e not conformed to this world. And yet that is what so many of us want to do. We want to do just enough to get by. We want to fit in. Have you ever heard, “Do I have to—?” We go to school, we want to look like the others. If I had my skirt a little bit shorter. I know somebody who used to wear pants under her skirt and she would roll them up and when she got to school she would take her skirt off. This hurts God. He wants His ladies to look like ladies. I think Pentecostal women are one of the most beautiful sights in the world. I really do. God does too. We have to go through some things men don’t have to, but we are doing it for Jesus. He’s pleased; He’s happy; and I’m happy to do it. I’m not doing it for the men; I’m doing it for Jesus.
Another person goes to work and sits on the sidelines listening to the gossip. She listens as her boss is slandered and maligned and never opens her mouth. And then she thinks she is righteous because she did not openly contribute to the slaughter. Others join in questionable behavior with the excuse that they don’t want to be “different.” One brother told me, “I would stick out like a sore thumb if I didn’t at least make a stab at joining in. Jesus said if your hand offends you, cut it off. Maybe we should add: if our thumb offends us, cut it off!
These are just a few examples of lives that do not please God. Hebrews 12 talks about laying aside besetting sins and weights that hinder us. Why is it easier for some than others? Why do some people live victorious lives and others can never seem to make the grade?
You and I know that the Holy Ghost is sufficient. With the Holy Ghost, we have what we need to be victorious. We have that power, according to Acts 1:8. We come to God, repent of our sins, are filled with His Spirit and have our sins washed away in the waters of baptism. Some people think that’s the end of the journey. Some folks believe they have “arrived” at this point. But the truth is that obedience to God’s plan of salvation is not the ending, but the beginning. It is only the start of our walk with God. The best is yet to come!
So why is it, Sister Doty, that I don’t have the victory you speak of? Why am I depressed and defeated? Saved, filled, born again, bound for heaven—but miserable! I agree: something is wrong, and I would suggest it could be that you have retained the same old thoughts, the same old way of thinking. And it will defeat you every time. You need to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Renewing your mind is a process by which your thoughts and your will become like His. The renewing of your mind is recognized by increasingly faithful and obedient response to God’s word.
When we are newborn babes in Christ, we can’t be spiritual giants. Newborn babes can’t even understand all the Word of God, let alone obey it all. That’s like telling that newborn baby in the bassinet, get up and go play Frisbee. God says there’s a lot of stuff that is strong meat in His Word, but whenever we are renewing our minds, it is a gradual, consistent doing more and more. As God gives us light, we walk in it. As He gives us instruction, we follow it. We are to practice power thinking. We are to work at it consistently. It’s going to take work, especially when you are accustomed to negative and defeated thinking all the time. You say, “I can’t do it,” but the Word says, “I can do all things through Christ.” Your obedience to scripture will develop a Christ like mind because scripture tells us to stay in the Word. Hear the Word… read the Word, study the Word. Studying is different from just reading it. Pick out a topic that interests you, something you would like to know about the Bible. Maybe you’re interested in the miracles of the Bible. Start a study on those. Exciting! Dig into the Word!
By doing the above, you provide opportunity for the Word to dwell in you richly. You are to practice the Word, especially in areas that you know you need biblical change. Those areas where you have gone to God and He has shown you some things and you know a lot of what you have to work on. As you continually do this, your mind is being renewed. Soon we will understand what it means to have the “mind of Christ.” We will have a mind that is filled with good things. A mind that is filled with light and God is the light, and it is not bogged down with heavy stuff and blackness. It is light and crystal clear.
After we get our minds filled with the Word of God, we next have to get it down deep into our hearts. We have to memorize the Word. Hide it in our hearts. The Bible says, Hide the Word in your heart that you won’t sin against the Lord. Meditate on it. When I first came into Truth, I had trouble with that word because of my involvement in the New Age. When I was in the New Age, meditation meant sitting for hours with a blank mind, in an ice-cold room, on an ice-cold, bare wood floor. Satan is a hard taskmaster!
God’s way means to get a scripture and just sit back with that scripture. You can have the heat on, and a nice soft chair, if you like. Digest it, chew it up. Ask questions like, “How does this apply to me? What does this have to do with me in my life? How can I apply this? How can I use this? What is God trying to tell me through the scripture?” You just sit in His presence and meditate on His word.
There have been times when my pain was so deep, I could not concentrate on the Word. I could only sit there like a piece of stone, the Bible in my lap. But I would make myself search for that one scripture—that one verse that God had for me that day. That, too, is meditation. You see, He knows our need. far better than we do.
But we have to go even further than this; there is more to it still—after we get the Word into our minds…after we get it into our hearts…next it must come out of our mouths! Speak it out. Don’t speak negative things. The Word of God is not negative. Don’t speak sick and weak things; the Word of God is powerful. Get it into your mind, deep into your heart, and then out into the atmosphere all around you. You life will become supercharged—electrified!
Be Teachable
We can study the Bible, attend all sorts of classes, pore over countless books, and get a lot of learning into us. But it will not do one iota of good unless we apply what we learn. We must be teachable.
A lady in one of my classes once told me this: She and her husband fight a lot. After one class, he was screaming and yelling because she was late getting home. She told me, “Ordinarily, I would just tell him off and slam the door in his face. Then give him the silent treatment for a few days. But after what I had just learned in your class, I did not react that way. I wanted to. But I chose to apply the things I had learned and, it is so strange, because the night ended wonderfully!” I am happy for her testimony, but no, darling, it is not strange—the Word of Godworks.
Another student told me that right after class one night, her son started behaving so badly she wanted to throttle him. But she remember the teaching that night, and became determined that she was going to love this ungrateful child, no matter what. So she plastered a smile on her face and proceeded to do just that—she loved him, in spite of herself! The next day, there was a total turnaround, and she thanks God for this victory! Because of Jesus! Because of the Word! And because of having a teachable spirit!
Put Off and Put On
But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him: (Col. 3:8-10)
The sinful and destructive practices of your old self are to be put off. To put off means you are going to reject it. When those old thoughts start coming around—I’m a nervous wreck, a little old drink would be so good. It would really help calm my nerves. Don’t even listen to such thoughts! Say, “I reject that in Jesus name. I am going to drink Holy Ghost wine. I am going to pray right now until I am full of the spirit.” So we put off and we put on.
Putting on Christ-like characteristics leads you to please God and edify others. He wants us to edify the church. It’s His body. So we need to build up the body of Christ, not tear it down. It says if you do something to the least of these, my brethren, you do it unto me. If I fuss at Brother Doty, I’m fussing at Jesus. If I lie to him, I am lying to Jesus. We have to be so careful. The Bible tells us that whatsoever you do to the least of these, my brethren, you are doing it to Me. He said: I was in prison and you visited me, I was sick, and you came to see me, I was naked and you clothed me, and I was hungry and you fed me, and they said, “When did we do that? Lord, we don’t remember doing that.” Then He said, “Because you did it to the least of these, you did it to me.”
Then He said something like this to those on the other side of Him: “I was in prison and you did not visit me, I was sick and you didn’t come around, and you didn’t even bring me any chicken soup. He says I was naked, and you didn’t clothe me. I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me.”
“When, Lord? We don’t remember seeing you hungry, or in prison. And we know the wife would have whipped up some chicken soup—but when did all this happen?”
And He explained, then told them to depart from Him. We have to be so careful what we do and what we say to each other! Don’t criticize each other. Don’t lie to each other. Show respect for one another! And, as a result, our mind will continually be renewed. It’s like bodily exercise—start small, add as your body strengthens. The more we practice putting off and putting on, the more we will become like Him. He put off Heaven and put on an earthly body.
Paul says in Romans 12:2, “…be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.” If we are going to fly with the eagles, a transformed mind is not a luxury—it is a must!
Paul is tells us in II Corinthians 11:3, “But I fear, lest by any means as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtlety. So your mind should be corrupted from the simplicity which is Christ.” Satan can corrupt our minds, just as he did Eve’s. I hear people say that Satan can’t bother their minds because they live for God. If you are thinking that, you are setting yourself up. Where do you think the battlefield is, in this horrible war we are fighting? The battlefield is in our minds. We have to guard our minds. You have to pray a hedge around our minds. You’ve got to think power thoughts; we cannot give Satan an inch because he will take a mile.
Renewing your mind is a process by which your thoughts and your will become like His. The renewing of your mind is recognized by increasingly faithful and obedient responses to God’s word. As your mind is being renewed, you will be learning a new way of thinking--“power thinking!”
It is an absolute necessity that we get into the Word, and that we change the way we think. We must cast down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. II Corinthians 10:5. We must learn how to change our thinking and how to root out the old negative thoughts and put in new ones. Paul instructs us to bring our ungodly thoughts into captivity. As we begin to do this, we begin to learn what I like to call “power thinking.”
We find ourselves with certain feelings, and believe that they are a direct result of certain circumstances in our life. For example, we get laid off the job and get depressed. We get a bad grade in school and feel dejected. We think the bad grade caused the dejection, and that getting fired caused the depression. But did it really? Let’s look at this more closely.
Below is a chart that shows this progression. As we put this into visual form, we see that there is something missing here. The center column is blank. What do you think should go there? What is the missing ingredient?
Circumstance Bad Grade on Test
I lost my job
Used in Church
Lost Everything in The Great Depression
Reaction Dejection
Depression, despair
Big Ego
Plunged off Building
The missing ingredient in the middle is the Interpretation. We have the circumstance, and then our mental interpretation of that circumstance, and then finally our reaction to the interpretation. The circumstance could be anything—I lost my job today. When I went to pick up my pay check, there was a pink slip in it. I got depressed. You know the drill, I start thinking I’m no good. “Something is wrong with me. I am incompetent. I didn’t do my job right.” Maybe the boss even explained that he had to cut back some on expenses. But we don’t hear that, we say, “No, I’m no good. That’s why he fired me.” We focus on the circumstance and begin to stew, just like tomatoes. The longer we ruminate, the worse we feel. We end up depressed and suicidal. It is all this rumination; this kind of mental interpreting that is leading to the reaction—not the circumstance itself. We know from history that many jumped off buildings and committed suicide other way during the Great Depression. They lost their life savings, their jobs, their families, and finally, their lives.
What about going in the opposite direction—the pastor says I can sing a special. I am excited! “Pastor must really think I’m something! Pride rolls in. Here we see again the circumstance, the pastor letting me do something. As a result, I am getting a big ego. The “Big Head.” Singing the special did not cause it; it was how I interpreted it—again, those ungodly thoughts!
The proper interpretation should simply be, “I thank you, Jesus, that I get to sing tonight. I pray, let me be a blessing, let me bring You glory.”
The point of this is to remember that when you are presented with a circumstance, stop and interpret what is going on. I lost my job. What I should be saying is, “God’s got something else. When He lets this happen, it is because He has something else. He is leading. He just shuts the door. In fact, He slammed it in my face. But He has something else.” We need to learn to interpret our circumstances according to scripture. Make them line up with what the Word of God says.
The Source of our Problems
You will hear all kinds of excuses from the people you counsel. “Well, that wife of mine is the source of my problems. She goes out and runs up that credit card every month. That’s what my problem is!” We end up denying our own guilt and blaming someone else. That is nothing new; we find it in Genesis chapter three. We say this causes it, and that causes it. It is because I had such a bad childhood. My daddy beat me every night with a two by four. That’s why I am the way I am, because of what happened to me. The serpent made me do it. The woman God gave me made me do it. And on it goes, ad nauseum.
We can say that it is caused by society. “Every time I read the paper, I get more and more depressed.” Well, stop reading the paper. I had to do that. I had to say no more newspapers for a while. No more news magazines. I can’t handle anymore right now; I’m on overload here. Just stop reading the paper.
Here’s a good one—Life isn’t fair. “It’s not fair that she gets a new car and I don’t.” “My problem deserves all my attention—and yours, too. I have got to spend all my time on my problem.” Nobody hurts like me. You try to tell someone that you broke your finger. Here it is dangling, it’s broken. They say, “It’s too bad you broke your finger. But look at me—I have ten bad fingers.” Ever have someone do that? They have to best you in whatever you do.
Another way we deny our problems is by saying that the answer lies outside of ourselves. Somebody else is responsible to make me feel better. That’s one reason paid counselors are so popular. We pay our money and sit back and expect them to earn their fees by making us feel better. Actually the source of our problems contains a three-letter word—SIN. You can’t help what that bad man did to you when you were a child. He had no reason to do that. That wasn’t right. That was sin. He was wrong! You couldn’t help it. You were innocent. You say, “Well that’s not my sin.” No, it is not. But what you have done with it since then has become your sin. The unforgiveness, the bitterness, the anger, the evil thinking. All of this becomes your sin, not his, and it builds up in your thoughts. Your well-being does not depend on anybody else. Your well being does not depend on any person or anything. It depends on you and what you want to do with your circumstances. How you want to interpret them. The only way to truthfully interpret them is in the light of scripture.
We started off our classes talking about repentance. Now that we’ve worked together this far, you can see how important repentance really is. Paul said, I die daily. So must we.
God says all things work together for our good. You say, “Not in my case, I am going to be out on the streets. You don’t understand.” Maybe not, but I do understand what the Word of God says, and you need to train yourself in that direction. God gave us the ability to believe, but He is not going to do the believing for us.
Just think of the wonder of being in control at last! All these years—dominated by fear and other people and abusers and horrific circumstances. Controlled by everyone else. But now—you can be in control! It is a powerful thing to know that you are in control of your own mind!
Distorted Beliefs
Today I decided to go cool off in the pool, and I got a thought for this book. You know, when you are in a swimming pool and you look down, your legs look so funny. You put your hand under the water, and it looks all distorted. It’s wavy and blurry. I started thinking that’s the way our thoughts and beliefs can be. Distorted. We get a distorted belief system. We have believed things that aren’t true. We may have been lied to all our lives—by parents, and teachers, and cab drivers, and so-called friends. Add to that, the lies we are told by the enemy of our soul. And because we have come to believe the lies; we have begun to add lies of our own. And all the while, we are acting on them. Our minds are so full of ungodly thoughts, most of the time we don’t know what is true and what isn’t. We must uproot and evict all the ungodly thoughts.
People ask me, “But Sister Doty, how do I know if a thought is from the devil or from myself?” I tell them it doesn’t matter. If it is not godly, get rid of it. Our thoughts and beliefs can come from ourselves, the devil, or other people. What matters is that we’re listening to lies. We have got to stop it. . Remember our discussion of the three levels of problems? The stimulus is equivalent to the physical level.
Next, is the belief level. This is where we get into our troubles. So far I have been able to keep that car going straight even though it’s wanting to make a turn. It is what we believe about the stimulus. It is how we interpret the circumstances. What we believe about the stimulus. I begin to say, “I’m starving.” My head says, “No, you’re not starving. You just had lunch.” I am really starting to believe I am hungry. Have you ever believed you were hungry when you are not, but the more you think about it the more you begin to believe it? So it is the belief that is actually causing the action or the sin. It is not the stimulus. It is my belief about it. If I could change that belief to this, “I have absolutely no hunger”—if I can say that and truly believe it—then I’ll be able to drive right past. But if I continue salivating and believing I am hungry, it will end with my gulping down that Whopper.
You know that would actually be a sin, eating when I am not hungry. It could be the sin of gluttony, or it could be the sin of presumption, or the sin of selfishness, or all three plus some others. And it all began with a lie.
The Besetting Sin
Hebrews 12:1 mentions besetting sin. “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.”
What is this sin? The Bible does not spell it out for us. My opinion is that could be just about anything. I believe that this sin could be whatever it is at this particular time in your life that keeps tripping you up. It can be different things for different people, and different sins at different times. Webster defines besetting as “constantly harassing or attacking.” From that we see that it is a continuing thing, and contains much intensity. You will probably be doing a good bit of work with your counselees in this area.
When we first come to the Lord, we may have been delivered from something very destructive, such as alcohol. Maybe in the early days of our walk with God, we might have been tempted to have a drink. But the longer we live for God and the more we grow in grace and in our relationship with Jesus, the further that kind of thought is from us. That particular sin becomes one that could not easily beset us. We have outgrown it. Today, perhaps it is a more subtle sin, such as pride or envy. It can change with people, and also change with time. Lay aside every weight, and lay aside that sin. That is what we have to learn to do because we are allowing too much sin in our lives.
Covetous thoughts might be that sin. What about somebody coming in with a new car and you have that old rattletrap that won’t even make it out of the parking lot, and you start having thoughts about that person. You begin to think dreadful, covetous things. It is so easy to get into this because it is taking place in the secret, dark corners of your mind. Nobody can see it; nobody knows it—except our God. That is sin, because the Bible says that thou shall not covet.
We learn to think that we don’t have sin in our lives because we don’t commit the “big ones”—adultery, stealing, murder. We begin to justify, and think we are righteous, when all along there is hidden sin in our hearts. We can be so overcome with unforgiveness, prayerlessness, and jealousy, that they could become besetting sins. Whatever sin is in our lives, it is a life-or-death matter that we get it all out.
Sin goes so much deeper than mere individual actions. Let me tell you why. Sin can become entwined with our very nature so that it actually becomes our disposition. Have you ever met a grump? No matter what you do, they are going to grumble, murmur and gripe. That is their nature, their disposition. That is how they are. They say, well, this is just how I am. You just have to accept me the way I am. It is my disposition. Well, that is truer than we might like to think.
Let’s look at some definitions: Webster defines nature as: “The essential character of a thing; quality or qualities that make something what it is; essence, inborn character; innate disposition; inherent tendencies of a person.” Webster defines disposition as: “One’s customary frame of mind; one’s nature or temperament.”
The Example of Anger
Take anger, for example. We know it can very definitely be a sin. We think of anger as sin, but when it is done habitually, it becomes part of a person’s disposition. The sin of anger has become entangled with a man’s soul. That is why it is so hard to shake these kinds of sins. If we just went out and committed one lustful act, and never did it before and never did it since, that would not become intertwining. It would not become part of our nature and disposition. But whenever we begin to do something over and over again, it first becomes a habit; then eventually it becomes such a part of us that it is part of our character. It becomes our disposition because we sin so much. The sinner does not become the sin. If we took our glass again, and filled it with clean, clear liquid from the tap, it would be water. If we added a drop of beet juice to it, it would still be water—howbeit, colored water. The water has not ceased being water; it has not become a beet. How often do we say, “I told a little white lie to my friend because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.” That made things so much easier that next time I tell another lie, then another lie. Eventually, it becomes our nature. I am no longer the person who told a lie, repented, and stopped lying. I have become a liar. You see how it works. I am spending time on this because it can become a salvation issue. The Bible tells us that liars go to hell. Stop for a moment and read Revelation 21:8: “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars [emphasis mine], shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
It doesn’t say some liars. It doesn’t say that only those liars that tell great big whopping lies are going to hell. It doesn’t say that those who tell social “white lies,” will only get a slap on the wrist. It says all liars. Revelation tells us that they will find themselves in hell right along with the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers. This can be scary, especially if we are in the habit of lying.
If we say that John is an angry person, what we are really saying is that we have learned to identify him with his anger, because that is his deposition. He is hostile. He has a chip on his shoulder. You just look at him wrong and he is ready to come out waving his fists all around.
We read in the papers almost every day about “Road Rage.” I read just recently where some man came after a woman with a grocery cart at the super market. The evidence would reflect that these men are angry men who have committed the sin of anger.
Matthew 15:18 says, ‘But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. Out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.” These awful acts, such as that little dog’s death, began in the heart. The anger was there before it came out. Anger, such as road rage, then, is not caused by another driver. The other driver’s actions were only the stimulus. If someone sits at a light for five seconds after it has turned green, that might be the stimulus, but it certainly is not a reason to beat someone to death. We must learn the difference. We must learn that we can control how we react to a stimulus. That old proverbial “counting to ten” does work, if we will use those few seconds to breathe a prayer to the One who stands ready to help.
A person will be in church Sunday night and Tuesday night they are no longer here. They backslid. Some will say, “But they were doing fine.” No they weren’t. You don’t backslide overnight. Jesus tells us that backsliding was in the heart long before anyone else ever saw the outward manifestation of it. I want us to work on attacking our belief system. Analyzing what we believe and doing away with it.
Matthew 12:35 A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.
Matthew 5:27, 28 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Think About Our Choices
We can start our day off with the right choices. We can choose our feelings before we even get out of bed. When you wake up in the morning and sit up in the bed, and you say, “Good morning Jesus, I am going to be happy today. Thank You for helping me!” Begin to tell yourself that before you let your little dainty toe touch the floor. “I am going to be happy today.” I have awakened in the mornings feeling very sad and depressed. You have, too. What we do with those feelings is important. We can choose to get up and hope we’ll feel better later, and move into our day with sadness. Or we can make the conscious choice of will: “I refuse this depression. I choose, instead, to be happy because of Jesus.” And begin to name the reasons we have to rejoice.
Throughout the day, we will be confronted with choices and decisions. Pray before each one. As a licensed private pilot, I logged a good number of hours flying a plane. Many of those hours were flown on what’s called “automatic pilot”—setting a control for the proper altitude and direction, then sitting back and relaxing. You don’t have to do a whole lot of thinking while on automatic pilot, and I was thrilled that my plane was equipped with one. However, it is not wise to go through life that way. Take yourself off of automatic pilot; learn to think your decisions through. With each wise choice you make, you will become wiser still. You will grow in your confidence to make the right decisions. Keep it moment-by-moment, choice-by-choice.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Phil. 4:8)
Homework:
Always be sure to give your counselees “homework,” something to do at home and before their next visit. It could be assigning a Bible passage. Or to read a certain chapter in a book and write a short synopsis on it. I had a ministerial couple that I was counseling who were both on the verge of backsliding. They were so overloaded with work they were drowning in it. I discovered that they were no longer reading the Word, nor were they praying—individually or as a couple. Their homework assignment was to pray for five minutes each day before their next session. Five minutes were better than what they had been doing. The next session, they had not prayed. Not at all. The second week was no better. This was a lovely couple who had spent years in the ministry and had done much good for in the Lord’s work.
For the third week, I assigned a short Bible chapter. Again, they did not do this. I reached the point that I told them I could not work with them anymore. If they would not make time to do these very simple assignments, there truly wasn’t much I could do for them.
I hate it when things like that happen. But we have to guard our time and our emotional resources carefully. Also, I had a waiting list of people needing help. I had to cut it off somewhere. I hope this does not sound heartless to you, and I hope after spending all this time with me, you know that is not true.
The homework you assign is not just “busy work.” Your assignments should be carefully thought out and should fit the counselee’s needs. The assignments can certainly be brief, but they need to have a purpose.
God bless you as you progress to the next and final phase of this part of your work: the thesis. I wish you well and may God bless you.
PRESCRIPTION VERSES Speaking of homework… I don’t remember where I picked “Prescription Verses” up, but following are some scriptures on various topics that you can either assign to your counselees, or print out the page for them to keep. These verses make excellent homework! For Healing Isaiah 61:1 The spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; Exodus 15: 26 And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the LORD that healeth thee. Psalm 30: 2 O LORD my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me. Psalm 107: 20 He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. Isaiah 53: 5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. Jeremiah 17: 14 Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise. Matthew 4: 24 And his fame went throughout all Syria: and they brought unto him all sick people that were taken with divers diseases and torments, and those which were possessed with devils, and those which were lunatic, and those that had the palsy; and he healed them. Matthew 8: 16 When the even was come, they brought unto him many that were possessed with devils: and he cast out the spirits with his word, and healed all that were sick: Matthew 12: 15 But when Jesus knew it, he withdrew himself from thence: and great multitudes followed him, and he healed them all; Matthew 14: 14 And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick. Mark 1: 34 And he healed many that were sick of divers diseases, and cast out many devils; and suffered not the devils to speak, because they knew him. Mark 5: 23 And besought him greatly, saying, My little daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, come and lay thy hands on her, that she may be healed; and she shall live. Luke 4: 40,41 Now when the sun was setting, all they that had any sick with divers diseases brought them unto him; and he laid his hands on every one of them, and healed them; And devils also came out of many, crying out, and saying, Thou art Christ the Son of God. And he rebuking them suffered them not to speak: for they knew that he was Christ. Luke 6: 19 And the whole multitude sought to touch him: for there went virtue out of him, and healed them all. Luke 7: 7 Wherefore neither thought I myself worthy to come unto thee: but say in a word, and my servant shall be healed. Luke 8: 2 And certain women, which had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities, Mary called Magdalene, Luke 9: 11 And the people, when they knew it, followed him: and he received them, and spake unto them of the kingdom of God, and healed them that had need of healing. Acts 5: 16 There came also a multitude out of the cities round about unto Jerusalem, bringing sick folks, and them which were vexed with unclean spirits: and they were healed every one. Hebrews 12: 13 And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed. James 5: 16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. I Peter 2: 24 Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. Psalm 103: 3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Psalm 147: 3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. For PraisePraise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you. 1 Peter 1:3-4 (NIV) Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshippers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshippers must worship in spirit and in truth. John 4:23-24 (NIV) I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. Psalm 86:12 (NIV) Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name. Hebrews 13:15 (NIV) The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keeping of them there is great reward. Psalm 19:8-11 (KJV) Psalm 106: 47 Save us, O LORD our God, and gather us from among the heathen, to give thanks unto thy holy name, and to triumph in thy praise. Psalm 117: 1,2 O Praise the LORD, all ye nations: praise him, all ye people. For his merciful kindness is great toward us: and the truth of the LORD endureth for ever. Praise ye the LORD. Psalm 44: 8 In God we boast all the day long, and praise thy name for ever. Selah. Psalm 103:2-5 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases; Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's. For VisionJob 33:14-17 For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction, That he may withdraw man from his purpose, and hide pride from man.”
Job 33:14-17 For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction, That he may withdraw man from his purpose, and hide pride from man.
Eph. 1:18-19 The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, And what [is] the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power,
Eph. 3:9 And to make all [men] see what [is] the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the world hath been hid in God, who created all things by Jesus Christ:
Eph. 3:16-21 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what [is] the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him [be] glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.
Hosea 4:6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge:
Heb 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of [our] faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Eph. 1:17 That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him:
James 1:3-8 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways..
Hab. 2:2-3 I will stand upon my watch, and set me upon the tower, and will watch to see what he will say unto me, and what I shall answer when I am reproved. And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry..
The Word of God Exodus 9: 20-21 He that feared the word of the LORD among the servants of Pharaoh made his servants and his cattle flee into the houses: And he that regarded not the word of the LORD left his servants and his cattle in the field.
Numbers 11: 23 And the LORD said unto Moses, Is the LORD'S hand waxed short? thou shalt see now whether my word shall come to pass unto thee or not.
Deuteronomy 4: 2 Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you.
2 Samuel 7: 25 And now, O LORD God, the word that thou hast spoken concerning thy servant, and concerning his house, establish it for ever, and do as thou hast said.
2 Samuel 22: 31 As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.
I Kings 8: 56 Blessed be the LORD, that hath given rest unto his people Israel, according to all that he promised: there hath not failed one word of all his good promise, which he promised by the hand of Moses his servant.
Psalm 119: 11 Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.
Psalm 119: 28 My soul melteth for heaviness: strengthen thou me according unto thy word.
Psalm 119: 38 Stablish thy word unto thy servant, who is devoted to thy fear.
Psalm 119: 50 This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.
Psalm 119:65 Thou hast dealt well with thy servant, O LORD, according unto thy word.
Psalm 119: 67 Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word.
Psalm 119:89 For ever, O LORD, thy word is settled in heaven.
119: 105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
119:107 I am afflicted very much: quicken me, O LORD, according unto thy word.
119: 114 Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word.
119: 133 Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.
119: 140 Thy word is very pure: therefore thy servant loveth it.
119: 148 Mine eyes prevent the night watches, that I might meditate in thy word.
Module 9A
9 Bipolar, ADD, ADHD A scary thing about the works of the flesh is that we don’t usually know we are doing them. It is so easy to call them something else. Anything else. Anything to keep from feeling like a sinner—after all, I’ve been living for God for umpteen years, what would people think! It seems we can justify just about anything we think or say or do. Call it disease, not sin. Rather than admitting I’m jealous and envious, for example, it is so much easier to say, Well she sure does not deserve that new car! Focus on what we perceive as wrong with her, not on my own sins and shortcomings. Always lay the blame somewhere else. Just like Adam did. He blamed Eve, but even worse, he blamed God. Out of the works of the flesh can grow many aberrations and sins, and I would like to look at a couple of these now. As counselors, we will be faced with these issues frequently, because the world is full of people who feel they have these “diseases,” or loved ones who will bring them to you. I would like to do something a little different in this lesson, and that is have voices from the past speak to you, speak to you their own stories. The two most common are ADD and Bipolar, so let’s discuss these.
ADD: One Of God’s Many Blessings By Juli Allison Kimbley
Probably most people reading this might ask: how can ADD be a blessing? As a mother of one “diagnosed” with ADD, I am here to contend that it can indeed be a blessing. Let’s explore this idea.
God created us all different, as evidenced by our fingerprints—tall, short, heavy, and so on. It is this difference in each of us that makes us unique. We are all individuals and we should embrace our individuality. When most people think of Attention Deficit Disorder, they think of someone unable to concentrate; but my experience has been that this individual has the ability to, what I call, hyperfocus. Hyperfocus is the ability to concentrate all his attention on one thing. When something interests this child, his ability to concentrate is phenomenal. On the other hand, if he is not in a hyperfocus mode, he is easily distracted. He can also be considered very impulsive.His excess energy makes him appear hyperactive. When not hyperfocusing on something, he is in a constant scanning mode, looking for something of interest, absorbing everything in his surroundings, noticing more about a room than the average child. He will flit from one thing or another until he has hit upon something of interest. This is why when you give this child something like a handheld game, he can spend hours on it. He has the ability to beam all his attention onto it, tuning out everything else around him.
When the child is hyperactive he may interfere with those around him because of his constant motion. This is the type of child that gets the most negative attention. Some are hyperactive because they need the extra stimulation to keep their brains in motion. It is this continual physical motion that stimulates the brain and focus.
Attention Deficit Disorder, in my opinion, is improperly named. “Deficit” implies that something is missing. It is not that anything is missing; these people just think differently. Actually, they are blessed with the ability to highly focus on a problem and see solutions that the average person does not see because the average person gave up on the problem a long time before. It is this type of person that can find the answers to questions and solve problems facing their world.
My Personal Experience
I felt that unnecessary medication for my son was not what God wanted. I had known other parents who chose to medicate their children, but I felt that I had to make the decision that was right for the child God put undermy care. I chose no chemical or psychological intervention, and learned a few things that helped him deal with some of these manifestations of ADD. I hope these things might help you or maybe someone you know.
Routine
Routines can be adapted for any age and any circumstances. If it takes the average person 21 days to develop a task into a habit, it will take this person a little longer— not because something is wrong, but because of the way their brains work. Once it is habit and no longer something they have to think about, they will do it without thought; and when they begin to realize how much they are accomplishing without having to think about it, they will begin to want to develop their own routines.
Limiting Choices
Limiting choices will help this child focus as there will be fewer things around to distract him. I have found that clutter has been one of the biggest hindrances to my son. If he had things to distract him, then he would be less likely to do the activities at hand.
Caffeine?
We did allow our son to drink coffee and chocolate; the caffeine seemed to help him focus on the mundane. Daily chats with his teacher began to show a correlation in his caffeine consumption and ability to concentrate. Caffeine has a different effect on people and it can mimic the same symptoms of ADD, but it worked for us. The caffeine seemed to have the opposite effect on him as it does for the typical person. Instead of making him more hyper, as in the case of his cousins who would bounce off the walls when given caffeine, it helped him stay calm and focus on those mundane things that bored him. We kept a log of good days and bad days and the amount of coffee or chocolate he consumed—noting the amount of work and attitude throughout the day—and I found with him there was a definite correlation.
My Child, the Grown-up
Now my son is grown and in college, and I’ve never regretted my decision. As an adult, he has learned to live with his tendencies toward inattention and to embrace his individuality. He has learned that his brain has provided him a vast playground! There are no limits to what can be done within the walls of his imagination. So if you feel that your child has tendencies towards ADD, keep in mind that some children are just naturally busy because they are children; they will grow out of it one day and be productive adults. But if perchance they do have ADD, then hang on and enjoy the journey! This is truly a unique individual. Nurture him; help him find ways to keep on track, and above all, thank God for the blessings of ADD!
With each month and year that passes, the confidence of child experts in their ability to diagnose grows as does their list of publications which fosters the impression that they really do know what they’re doing. Yet it all hangs on something akin to mind reading, guessing and proselytizing. --Tana Dineen, PhD Any ordinary behavioral imperfection, any deviation from the narrowest type of standard, can now be given a diagnostic label, with one or more drugs then often prescribed. Millions of restless children are being medicated—primarily with Ritalin, a close relative of amphetamine—because of so-called Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorders. Shyness is now called a disorder, with drugs to “treat” it. -- Nat Lehrman, M.D. _____________________________________________________________________________
Bipolar? Or Manic-Depression? Or Does it Really Matter? We need to help the manic-depressive learn to focus and channel his energies. Get him or her into something constructive and creative. Remember the boredom! Boredom breeds discontent and restlessness. Restlessness breeds all kinds of mayhem. Like the ADHT child in a classroom. Same principle. So What Must The Manic-Depressant Do? First of all, ask God to open your eyes. We often live in a state of denial and we have to come out of that. Second, we must convince ourselves that we are not victims! When we have that “victim mentality,” we become whiny and full of self-pity. When we reach that place, we soon grow comfortable and want to stay there. And, my friend, that is a very dangerous place to be. Self-pity fosters justification and blaming others. We must repent of our sins—and yes, we have many! We may think that the only sin in our life is the sins that other people did to us. Well, maybe they did, and that indeed is sin, but we have to ask: What have I been doing with all of that? When we are honest, we usually find out that we have been sinning big-time—and blaming it on other people—especially those who sinned against us. But my friend, the buck has got to stop some place; and that place rests on us! We must examine ourselves in the light of God’s Word and see how many of the works of the flesh are operating in our lives. This can be tough, but they have to go! Why? Why can’t we indulge in some of these petty little things? The Bible tells us that if we do these things, we shall not inherit the kingdom of God! This is serious business! Galatians 5:19-21: Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. My dear friends…that is so scary! Most Christians shun the “big” sins in the beginning and ending of that list—adultery, fornication, drunkenness—it’s those sins in the middle that trap us. They are snares that get hold of us and won’t let go—snares that open the door to the enemy—snares that hide so well we don’t even know they are there! In other words, the little foxes that spoil the vine! If we do not have the born-again experience, we must get it. There is a three-step process outlined in Acts chapter 2, verse 38. Repentance is the first step. Then we must be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ because—even after our sins are forgiven, they must be remitted, or washed away. Then, into our cleansed vessel, the Spirit of the living God comes to take up residence. Acts 1:8 tells us that is where we get the power—the power to overcome and to be witnesses to everyone we meet. Born again is becoming a new creation! The old is passed away and we become new. And when we become new, we must walk in that newness daily. Along with Paul, we need to repent daily. Don’t be full of ourselves! Watch out for the other guy. Help him. We must watch and pray. Well, we know about praying, but Jesus said also to watch. Keep an eye out—not only for the enemy, but watch ourselves, our motives. And make sure we stay clear of all sin, including the works of the flesh. Remember to keep all the doors to our soul shut tight. Like a door-to-door salesman, the enemy will try to get his foot in. Sin is pleasurable, but only for the short term. Because when sin is finished, it brings forth death. (James 1:15) One form of death on earth is living as a manic-depressive! Linda Collins was my friend. She was the friend of many, and loved by all. I first met Linda in my class on Christian Counseling from Scripture. I made many friends in that class—students I grew to love and who loved me in return. I next came across Linda in a class I was teaching called Maximum Victory. When I first heard her story—not having known her before, just knowing her only as a Holy-Ghost filled saint of God—I could hardly believe it. I said, Surely you jest! I had to have her come and address my Maximum Victory class, and afterwards, began to encourage her to put forth her story in book form. She confessed that that had been a dream for a long, long time, one she could see no way of ever seeing fulfilled. So together, we sat down to write her story. After completing her book, which is now out of print, Linda was diagnosed with cancer and went home to be with the Lord. I have wanted many times to have her book re-printed but was unable to track down and procure the proper permissions and copyright. So I prayed and nibbled on my nails until one day I came across that old tape where Linda told her story to my class. Many thanks to my daughter Juli for transcribing the tape. It required extensive editing because it was told in Linda’s own conversational style, but finally, here it is! I pray it will be a blessing to you and someone you love, especially those counselees who will darken your door.
Here is My Story… …the way it happened to me… by Linda Collins The Lord healed me of manic-depression. He truly did! Now I have to ask you this: Is He a respecter of persons? The Bible says not. So what that means is, He will heal you also! The first time I ever realized that I was different was when I was ten years old. I lived in Texas out on a little farm. I didn’t even know about manic-depression back then, never heard of it. Although I spent my life knowing something was seriously wrong with me, it was not until I was 26 years old that I was first diagnosed with it. My mother told me that when I was a toddler I would go into these terrifying rages. I don’t remember that, but she would tell me how I would just fly off into these rages, it wasn't seizures or anything like that. I would get so angry that I would swallow my tongue. She would have to hold me down and I would clinch my teeth. Now who does that sound like? Does that sound like God or does that sound like the enemy of my soul? You may disagree with what I’m going to say now, and that is your right. But I also have the right to my opinion. I pray you will at least consider it. It could change your whole life. When we give in to anger and allow it to control us to the point that we act it out, it opens the door for the enemy of our soul. Any strong and powerful emotion, unchecked, can do that. Paul said, “Give no place to the devil.” When we do not control ourselves, our emotions, we most definitely are giving him place! Manic-depression is a mind control of the enemy. That is exactly what it is. Now I am not talking about “demon possession” here, and I think you’ll understand more as you read through my story. Satan can control our minds without jumping inside our bodies. He can whisper ugly things in your ear and you believe it is you! I work in the prenatal diagnosis department of a hospital. So far I have been able to reach ten ladies that have manic-depression. I know what it’s like. I talked to a genetics counselor and they say that it’s genetic. But it’s not. It’s a mind control of the enemy. In His word, I think of this scripture, 1 Peter 5:8, Be sober, be vigilant as your adversary the devil is as a roaring lion walking about seeking whom he may devour. He especially wants to devour you when you are an infant. That is where he will start: with manic-depression. He wants our children! Manic-Depression or Bipolar? Back in the days when I was diagnosed with this thing, it was called manic-depression, not this so-called bipolar. These days they call it bipolar I, bipolar II, bipolar III. They are always coming out with a new diagnosis that I have never heard of before. I read about those. Do you know why they do this? For insurance reasons. They put a medical-sounding diagnosis on it so it can go in their little black book (actually their big book of diagnoses, the DSM-IV.) Manic-depression is very strong in my family. My father was a maniac depressant. I was a manic-depressant and I have other people in my family that are manic-depressant. And each one of us is different. We are the same, but we are different. I also know that we can learn behavior. We learn responses, we learn what works to get us what we want. Lynda Doty talks about how she learned to be depressed by watching the behavior of others. Think about this. Case Study I brought along today a newspaper article that I’d like to share with you. If you keep your eye on the newspaper, you will see every so often about bipolar people committing murder, suicide. It’s always something very tragic. They call them bipolar, which is the same as manic-depression. The reason I brought this article is because I don’t want you to think that I am the only one that ever dealt with this. People are dealing with it today. It’s going to get worse. More and more people are going to get it before the Lord comes. That’s just the way the devil operates. This is the story of an eighteen-year-old year old boy. His father had had problems with him for years and he was a drinker. A manic-depressive, if they are not on medication, will self-medicate because there is no medication and there never will be a medication that calms and gives you peace and heals you and you will self medicate. You will use anything because it’s desperation. I have had depressions like Sister Doty talked about. I have had the oppression of the mind. But manic-depression is so much worse than any of those depressions. I always wondered why I had that. Why when God gave me the Holy Ghost, why didn’t He heal me. There are others that He hasn’t healed. But for some reason, He has chosen me to help others because I can answer their questions. I know manic-depression, bipolar, whatever they want to call it in and out. I know every feeling, every thought that a manic-depressant experiences. Oh God, I have lived through it! This boy’s parents were divorced and I am sure that didn’t help him any; he was drinking a lot and getting into fist fights all the time and he couldn’t hold a job. He couldn’t keep a home. What he did was his sister from out of state came to take him back home with her to his mother’s and they were going to try to help him. His dad, after his son had been put him in jail, had taken him to the hospital and they diagnosed him as bipolar. He took the medication and everything but you can reach a point mentally that you will totally, lose it. I mean, you are convinced that there is no hope. You just have no hope and that is the worse part of all of manic-depression. The devil will talk to you and you will think it's yourself that’s telling you these things and that’s what I experienced growing up. This boy had a girlfriend and she couldn’t deal with his depressions so she left him and so he became worse. These people need somebody. They are scared to be alone and when she left him—well, if she would have known what it would have caused, she probably wouldn’t have done it. That’s my guess. He got worse, so the day that he was to leave to go back with his mother and sister, he got a gun. He got in his dad’s vehicle and he started driving. I know how he felt. He just lost it. I can’t explain to you because unless you have ever been one, you would never understand. It reminds me of when before I got the Holy Ghost, when I was praying for the Holy Ghost, I would ask people, “What’s the Holy Ghost like?” Well you feel this way and you experience this and you feel that way. In my mind, I am trying to comprehend that and I can’t comprehend that. That’s just something that I just absolutely did not understand until I actually got the Holy Ghost. To those of you that don’t have manic-depression, you can’t really understand what I am talking about. Anyway, what he did, he ended up driving down the street and shooting pedestrian then drove off into a ditch and killed himself. That is one of the ways a manic-depressant ends up—in tragedy—murder—suicide. You can take the medications—and I don’t ever advise anyone to not take their medications. If a person is a manic-depressant and they receive the Holy Ghost, they need God even more. Why wouldn’t you want to live for God? That is your hope. That is your only hope. I just want to tell you a little bit about my experiences while growing up. There are people that, manic-depression runs through a family and a parent will have it. I read prenatal diagnosis charts all day long. I see where a father has it; his son and daughter have it. Maybe just one child has it, through the generations. Somebody has it and a lot of times, more than one person. When I was ten years old, that is when I noticed that I was different. I didn’t know anybody else that was manic-depressive. I didn’t know I was a manic-depressive. I just knew I was different. “One of These Days….” I remember as a child I would go to school with awful stomach pains. I was in continual fear at all times of being alone. I would just clutch to my mom. I was scared to death all the time. I remember when my mother would drive me to school. I would just double over in pain. I would beg her, “Mom, please. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me by myself.” It was a horrible feeling, the fear. I had never been to church. My parents didn’t go to church. They said they believed in God, but they didn’t talk about Him. I just never heard about God. But in my heart I knew there was a God. I did not know there was a devil. I had no clue that there was a devil! That’s one way that he really got control of me. And that’s why it is so important that children are in the house of God. That they receive the Holy Ghost as soon as they can and that they are raised in the right atmosphere. Because if the devil can get a child, then he has a good trophy right there, even more than an adult because a child is innocent minded and helpless and that is what he likes. Anyway, I remember standing there one day, very confused. I had been confused quite a while, I couldn’t figure out what was different about me. I was in fear all the time. My stomach hurt all the time. I couldn’t sleep. I remember standing there that day and I said, “God, I don’t know what is wrong with me, but something is wrong. I don’t even know you, but I need you. I need you to help.” He told me, this was the first time He told me, “One of these days, it’s going to be worth it all.” Those words stuck with me and, in a way, guided my life. I had no idea what was in store for me in the future. What I was going to endure at ten years old was nothing compared to what I was going to endure in the future. As you get older, it gets worse. You can notice it when you are ten years of age, a lot of the times people experience they find out that they have it in the teens and their 20s but you can be in your 40s and find out for the first time that you have it. It is like any other affliction, there’s no age limit on it. As I got older, I was a very loyal little girl. I was a very innocent little girl. I never went to church and when I was around 14 years of age, things really started getting bad. I remember when I was smaller, my mom would be in the kitchen washing dishes and the darkness would come. It is hard to explain about the darkness because it is a consuming darkness. It’s heaviness. It is like an itty bitty person with a giant weight just swallowing them up. I would go to the kitchen and I would say, “Mom. Mom.” She would say, “What’s the matter, Linda?” “Its coming back, Mom. Those clouds are coming back.” And there was nothing she could do. She didn’t even know what I was talking about. She would just look at me and she would tell me, “Linda, one of these days, it will get better.” Physical Abuse! To top off my being a manic-depressant, my dad was a manic-depressant. It is very, very hard for me to talk about my dad. He was a very violent man and for years I never understood, even though I was just like him. How on earth is a child expected to understand these things about the very people put in her life to protect her! These children are so torn—they love their parents! In one of his rages, he would beat on us until his rage went away. There were times when he would beat me so hard that I would crawl to the bed and I would be there for three days. I would be so swollen and so purple, but the worse part of it all was that my heart was so broken because that was my dad! I was an innocent little girl that wanted to love her dad, but I didn’t know how. How could I love somebody that beat me like he did, and beat my mom? One minute it’s, “Hi Kitten, how are you?” and the next minute you are beating me in such a rage that I don’t know if I am going to make it. That went on for years. Yes, Virginia, There Is a Devil! As a teenager, I became very suicidal and that’s when I began to really hear the voice of the enemy. I thought it was me. That is how the enemy will trick you. If you are ignorant of him, I’m telling you, he will play havoc with you. I didn’t know who he was. I knew who God was, in my own way, but I did not know there was a devil. When I would think these awful things, I would think it was me. I hated myself. I had such a self hatred. I started cutting on myself because the physical pain drowned out the mental pain. A lot of people who don’t have it like to think that it’s like a headache. I wish it was a headache because you can get rid of a headache, but you can’t get rid of that mental pain. When that pain starts, it controls your whole body. All the muscles in your body hurt. A lot of that is what’s called Adrenalin Rush. That causes the mania, which is the anger and all the unbelievable thoughts you have and actions you go through. Then, when you are done, you look and think, “Oh my God. I did that? I can’t believe it was me!” It is just unbelievable. And so you sink back into the awful depression. Introduction to Drugs When I was seventeen years of age, I met this boy who introduced me to drugs. I was always told to stay away from drugs because they are bad for you. But I wasn’t on any kind of medication and was looking for an escape; thank God I didn’t get into anything worse than marijuana and beer. But a manic-depressant has to be calmed down. You give them a stimulant of any kind and you are looking for trouble. It wasn’t long before I lost my fear of drugs because they became my buddy. They became my best friend. I could go to people and ask people for help and they didn’t know what to tell me. But I could go to drugs and they were always there. They would always be my friend. Voices One day that voice kept talking to me and telling me, “Why don’t you just kill yourself? Why don’t you just get it over with? Then you won’t have to have to go through this anymore.” I wish I could explain what it does to your mind. It is so controlling. There were times that I could literally feel my hands move and it wasn’t me, trying to kill myself. I did not know at the time that it was the devil. I overdosed several times and I wouldn’t die, so I became angry with God! I would remember when I was ten years old and he told me that one of these days it would be worth it all. But I was not getting any better at all. I was getting worse! The enemy started telling me, “God’s a liar. He doesn’t care about you like He said he did.” So I went into my restroom at home and got a razor blade. A manic-depressant, after a while, can shut down their mind to where they don’t think. They just move. You just do it. You learn how to do it. It’s an escape. I didn’t really want to die. I really didn’t. And I didn’t know that I would be lost if I did. I wanted out and I had gone to different churches. It didn’t do me any good. Religion didn’t do me any good, and I felt that God had failed me. I had had it. I went into the restroom and locked the door and sat down on the floor and I started crying and I got the razor blades and I started slashing my wrists. All I remember next was sitting in the back seat of a car. My mom and dad had kicked in the bathroom door and had carried me to the car; they had called the hospital and my mom had me in the back seat and I was just sitting there. I didn’t know who I was. I did not know what was going on. I had totally shut my mind down. I remember my dad, to me he was the enemy and he laid his hand on the steering wheel of the car and he started crying and he said, “God, if I can only find peace. If I can only find peace.” After that, my mind just slipped away. My First Mental Institution The next thing I knew I was in one of my first mental institution. It was called Norwalk Metropolitan. It was a very horrible place to be. The walls were gray. There were bars on the windows. I had a very bad temper; they put me in a strait jacket and I had to sit on the floor in this room in the dark and there was nothing in there but cold and emptiness—but most of all helplessness. I would just sit there in that strait jacket. I would say, “God, why am I in here? I didn’t do anything to you. I didn’t do anything to be put in here.” My depression started getting worse. I couldn’t believe it could get worse but it got worse. My suicidal tendencies got worse. The voices I heard got worse. I was thankful that I never saw things, but I heard things. I heard voices. Here is a seventeen-year-old girl that’s being controlled by the enemy. I don’t have it in my heart to hurt anybody, much less, myself. I was sitting there one day and I thought, “My God, what am I doing in here. Look at these people.” Now these were very, very sick people and this one lady just kept pacing back and forth. Her hair was all matted. She was wearing a hospital gown and just kept pacing back and forth. I was sitting on a little bench just watching her. All of a sudden these two nurses grabbed her and she was gone. About a half hour later, here she came. They brought her back. They brought her right back in the same spot. They washed her, showered her, combed her hair; put a clean gown on her and everything. I was sitting there and I thought if I said something nice to her, maybe it would make her feel better. That is to tell you that the innocent mind of a child. I had the innocent mind of a child. Then the devil would come in and take over. That wasn’t me. As she walked past me, I looked at her and she stopped and looked at me. I looked at her and I said, “Hi. You look so much better. You look so nice.” And that is when she attacked me. She attacked me, started choking me. I totally went insane. I just totally lost it. I started screaming and I was on the floor and these people started coming from everywhere and they grabbed her. I thought, My God, what happened? I ran to the restroom to the stall and I locked the door and I was standing there and I was saying, “My God, what am I in here for? I didn’t do anything. Why am I in here? You told me that you were going to help me. That one of these days it was going to be worth it all. This isn’t worth it all!” I heard footsteps and I thought, oh good, somebody is coming in here to help me. I looked under the stall and it was a man. It was a patient that saw me run in there. I don’t know what his intentions were. I have no clue but I am telling you after the things I had been through with my dad, I was bound and determined that there was no man that was going to touch me. I flew out of that stall. I took off running. I don’t know how I got outside. I don’t remember that part, but I got outside. I was climbing a chain link fence and there was razor blade wire at the top. It was like a prison. I was just screaming and screaming. I was asking God to help me. Get me out of here! I looked and here was my mom driving up the driveway. I couldn’t believe it! God must have sent her at that particular time! I started climbing down that fence as fast as I could go. I can just imagine how she felt seeing her daughter climbing a chain link fence at a sanitarium. By the time she got up the driveway, I ran to the car and I told her what happened. She was so angry. She took me back inside and all I remember was that she was throwing a fit. She signed some papers and they let me go. I really believe that it was God who helped me because I would have lost my mind for sure in that place. More Mental Institutions Through the years, I was put in more hospitals, but they were not as severe as that first one. They were bad enough. At one, I remember sharing a room with a lady that I really don’t know what her problem was; she would lay there on this bed. I had to share a room with her. You don’t have much choice when you’re a patient who your roommate is, especially in a mental hospital. She would just lie there; you know how people when they are lying in a coffin, they lie there with their arms crossed. That is the way she would lie there all day. I am telling you, I didn’t know who in the world I was with in that room. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I didn’t trust anybody. Anyway, I was finally discharged from there, and I was at home one day and my mom and dad had to go somewhere. I didn’t want them going anywhere because I didn’t want to be by myself because every time I was by myself, that is when the devil would talk to me. He would tell me, “Just kill yourself. If you would just kill yourself. What’s wrong with you? It would all be over. That’s the answer.” I believed it. I really believed it. It’s not what I wanted to do but I believed it. I would get so scared that I would call the police department and I would tell them that I couldn’t be by myself. They would always send an officer to my home and I would walk out to the police car. He would help me in the police car and I would go down to the police department. They would just let me sit there in a little office. Every once in a while they would walk by and they would ask, “Linda, are you okay?” I was doing a lot better because people were around. They had to do that several times. Finally that ended. When I was twenty-one, after more hospitals and more churches, a friend of the family pastored a church and my parents said, “Linda, why don’t you go to him because he’s a pastor and these counselors, therapists, and psychiatrist haven’t done you a bit of good. Surely this man can help you.” My hopes began to soar. Maybe he could help! So I went, knocked on his door, and he said come on in. I walked in and sat down and the only words that man said to me were, “What are you doing intimately with your boyfriend?” I am telling you, I totally lost it. I got up and I just started screaming. I called him some really bad words. I told him where to go and I left. I went home. I was so angry with my parents and I said, “How could you send me to him? How could you do that to me?” as the years went on, I felt more and more betrayed. The devil told me more all the time that God was lying to me. When I was around twenty-one years of age, I was at a job. It’s very hard for a manic-depressant to hold down a job. You can’t be still. You can’t concentrate. You can’t function for very long amounts of time. You get fired a lot. This girl that I worked with said, “Hey, let’s go to a party tonight.” I said okay. I’m not functioning too well and I didn’t know her that well. That was my sad mistake. I went to a party with her. The next thing I know I am walking up the sidewalk and this guy comes flying up in his Corvette with a friend—and that friend today is my husband. We have been married 31 years today. So don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t keep a marriage because with the Holy Ghost, you can do anything. I went in to this party and this girl takes off. I am sitting there and I am like, I don’t know where I’m at. I don’t know these people. I was just really getting very scared. There was this weird man sitting on the couch and he was quite a bit older than me and he kept staring at me. Somebody came up and said Linda, how are you going to get home?” and this guy said, “I’ll take you home.” I thought yeah right; there is no way you’re taking me home. Here Comes the Bride—Me! I had spotted the man who was my husband-to-be. I thought for some reason he just looks like a nice guy, but I don’t really know him. I was very scared of men. I don’t know how he knew I didn’t have a ride, but he came over to me and said, “Hey, I heard you need a ride home?” I just looked at him and I felt such a peace. I said, “Well, yeah, I do.” I thought, “Oh my God, I don’t know this guy. What if I get attacked? I was terrified. Those things are always on my mind. So we, he and I and a friend of his, take off. We rode around for a little bit and then he took me home. Two months later, we got married. We knew each other for two months. We got married for some strange reasons—and all the wrong reasons. He had just gone through a divorce and lost three children. He was very lonely and I wanted out of my house. I didn’t want to be around my dad anymore and my dad always told me that he would never let me leave my home alive. I believed him. We got married. We didn’t think it would work. We both figured it would end in divorce, but that is what everybody else was doing so why not. I wasn’t supposed to have children but two weeks later I became pregnant with our son. We stayed together. We had a very rough marriage because I had to have my drugs and he didn’t understand that. He would see me lash out in anger and put holes in walls and holes in the furniture. There were times when I would attack him. He never one time hit me. I couldn’t help it. Then the guilt would come and I think why did I say those ugly things to him. He’s so good to me. The only one I have had besides my mom who is good to me. Why did I say those ugly things? Why do I hit him? Why do I throw things at him? The guilt, you can’t explain the guilt. I was getting worse and worse. My husband and I thought we needed to get away from these friends. Get away from the drugs. Let’s just start a new life. We had no idea what God had in store for us. So we took a drive in the car one day on a Saturday. A Strange Journey We lived in West Covina and we started out towards Riverside, California. We had never been out that way and as we were driving down the freeway I got this feeling to turn off at this particular exit. I told my husband, “Take this exit.” He said, “Why?” “I don’t know why, just take the exit.” So we got off the exit. “Turn left.” He asked, “Where are we going?” I said, “I don’t know. Just turn left.” I am like, what am I doing? Am I having one of my manic episodes? What is going on? My hallucinations. So he turned left and we go up to this other road and all of a sudden I got the feeling to turn left again. I told him to turn left right here. He said, “You’re going to get us lost. Now where are we going?” I said, “I don’t know where we’re going, just turn left.” So he turned left again. All of a sudden we started going up a hill towards this mountain. I just got the neatest feeling and as we got up to the end of that road, there was a little house sitting on a hill. There was a sign in the yard that said Open House. I told my husband, “You know what, I was raised in the country and that is where I want our kids to be raised, in the country away from the city.” So we drove up in that driveway and made an offer on the home. We got it! I was ecstatic. We sold the house that we had for over twice what we paid for it and we moved to Riverside. I wish I could say from then on, everything was just fine. But I can’t. “Just Kill Your Children!” The devil knew what was coming down the road and I didn’t, so he really started fighting. He is not a mind-reader of course, but somehow he figured out I was going to be getting the Holy Ghost. I guess even the devil recognizes God’s own! And when he knows that you are going to get the Holy Ghost, he knows that you’re going to get better! He knows he’s going to lose his control over you! I am telling you he knows you are ignorant. I am telling you he will rip your mind apart. He will try to get you to kill your children. He had told me that. “Just Kill Your Children, get it over with!” I had to race out of the house. I couldn’t believe what I was thinking because I loved my children. I had two children that I was not supposed to have and I loved them with all my heart. I couldn’t believe that I heard that. Linda, what in the world is wrong with you? You’re so wicked. You’re sick. Something is wrong with you to think like that. Today when I hear people say, “Well I heard God tell me to kill so and so,” I know what they are talking about. When I hear people talking about how they couldn’t help it—how they didn’t know why they killed their child— I know. I know how they feel. Because let me tell you this: it was just by the grace of God that I never did that. Thank God that my children lived to eventually get the Holy Ghost! “No More Doctors, Doctor!” Well, we bought the home. We moved out there and we were there about nine months, and it was bad. When I became pregnant with my daughter, my obstetrician referred me to a neurologist. I was really in a bad depression that day and he told me, “Linda, you need to go see my friend in Pamona, a neurologist. You need help severely.” I glared at him. “I am going to tell you something now, I’m sick of you doctors. I am tired of your lies. I am sick and tired of sitting down at your desk and you tell me, Okay Linda what do you think the problem is?” I was so tired of hearing that. I mean you don’t know how fed up. I told him, “No. I am not going to your neurologist.” He said, “Well, have you ever been to one?” “No! And I am not going to one. I told you. I am not going!” He said, “Well I want you to take his card and put it in your purse. Just take it. You don’t have to do anything.” So he slipped it in the pocket of my purse. I went home and told my husband about it. I was so angry. I have gone to doctors. I have been in institutions. I have taken their medications. I have done everything they told me to do. And nothing changed. I was as angry, and miserable, and hateful as ever. I Will Look Unto the Hills One night, as my children were getting older, I felt like I just couldn’t take it anymore. I got in our little pick up truck and drove out into the hills by myself and I said, “Okay God, I am not going back to that house. I don’t want my kids to see me like this.” I stayed out there, in those hills, in that truck, and I cried all night long in the dark. The next morning I went home before the kids woke up. I told my husband, “Richard, this is it. I will either commit suicide or I will have myself committed permanently because my kids are not going to see me like this!” He knew I meant it. I knew I meant it. I meant it with all my heart. I didn’t want to be put in one of those hospitals forever so I pretty much decided on suicide. So the next morning, a Tuesday, I went out in the back yard and I was sitting there drinking my beer, smoking my pot. I had pot plants everywhere. I couldn’t afford the pot I smoked. I smoked from the second I got up. Usually when you get up you go to the restroom. Not me. I smoked. I had a habit then. That beer was open. I smoked all day long until I went to sleep at night. I had to have it to function. I had to have it to sleep. I had to have it to eat. I had to have it for everything. I had it for years and it became my crutch. So I went out into the back yard that morning, it was a Tuesday morning. I was sitting there remembering…and I remembered how I had gone to another church and the usher and I had gotten into it. He wouldn’t let my daughter in church because their pastor didn’t want children in the church so I told him where to go. My husband was in total embarrassment. I told the usher, “You know what? If my daughter is not allowed in your stupid church, then I don’t want to be in your stupid church.” I was furious. I had had it. So okay. I’d had the therapists. I’d had the hospitals. I’d had the drugs. I’d had the churches. I wasn’t any better. But through it all, somehow I had never forgotten those awesome words; I never forgot what God told me that one of these days it’s going to be worth it all. Ultimatum: “I Give You Three Days, God!” So I sat there in my back yard smoking my pot, drinking my beer. I sat there and I said, “God I’m 28 years old. If I live to be 75, I have to do this for 47 more years. I don’t want to go through any more of this. I don’t want my children to see me like this.” I told him, “I am going to give you three days, I will give you until Friday and if You don’t have an answer for me by Friday, I’m dead. I mean it, I’m dead.” Wednesday came. Nothing happened. Thursday came. Nothing happened. On Thursday my next door neighbor came over, she said, “Linda, why don’t you and the kids go with me tomorrow to Paris Lake and just get out of the house for the day. It will make you feel better.” “Wow,” I said “you know that sounds good. I love to be out-of-doors.” So the next morning I was getting ready for my big day out-of-doors. I was planning things, though, so she would not come in and see the mess, see how I lived. I had every type of pipe you could smoke with. I had every type of pot you could smoke. I had my beer all over the place. I made the kids’ lunch and everything and I told them, “When she comes to the door, you get out just as fast as you can go because she cannot come in this house!” I told the kids, “If she comes in here, she’s going to know. So you get out that door.” So I went in and put my bathing suit on and put one of my husband’s t-shirts on over it and I kept looking at the window. She wasn’t coming yet, so I would go over and smoke some more, drink some more. I'd go over there and do it again and finally I heard a knock at the door. I thought, “Oh my God, there she is.” I called the kids, I said, “Hurry, grab your lunch. Get ready.” I opened the door and—the shock of my life!—there were two ladies from the church standing there! I am telling you I have never seen anything look like those ladies! I had never seen a Pentecostal before. I am standing there so stoned out of my mind that I could hardly stand it. I looked at them. I thought, Oh my God what space ship did they come off of! I have never seen anybody that looks like that. I thought, I use to take LSD and hallucinate—was I having some kind of a flashback? I couldn’t believe it. They are so different. Then they started talking to me. I am not paying much attention to what they are saying. I went stone sober just like that. When I opened that door it blew my mind. I felt the Holy Ghost. I am telling you: I went stone sober, just like that. I looked at them. It was 105 degrees out there. It's desert weather. They’re climbing a hill and you don’t want to climb hills in that heat! I don’t care if you are door knocking or what you are doing. They told me, “For some reason, God told us to come to this house. This would be the last house we will visit today, but we had to come to this house.” I just stood there and I looked at them. I thought in my head, “This is Friday!” This is the third day! I just stood there, dumbfounded. One of the ladies, Nancy, started talking about her mental problems that she use to have. I told her, “I don’t care about that. What I want to know is, what is it that I’m feeling? Because what I’m feeling is what I am looking for. What is that?” Her face lit up with a glow. She said, “Oh, that’s the Holy Ghost.” That scared me half to death. I never heard of the Holy Ghost. I am there, like, oh my God. These people are so weird. The Holy Ghost. I thought that feeling. That is what I am looking for. Whatever that is that I feel. I told them, “You know what? I have to leave.” They handed me a tract. I never took a tract before. I always slammed the door on their face, whoever they were. I took the tract. I told them that I will be there Sunday morning. I will be there. My next-door neighbor finally came. We went on out to the lake and I took a couple of joints with me. I took off for a walk by myself. Got high again, as usual. God started really dealing with me. I don’t care if you are on drugs. I don’t care if you are drunk. I don’t care what you are on. When God deals with you, He deals with you! I mean, you talk about a torment, God can rip you apart! “My God, what is happening to me?” I yelled. I started feeling condemnation. I was just feeling all these things I never felt before. I was confused. My husband worked graveyards. I knew when we got back home from our outing that he would be home, asleep. She drove up in the yard and I took off out of that car and ran into the house just screaming, “Richard, Richard, Richard!” I could tell he was skeptical. I was always into something. He never knew what was coming at him. I told him that these people came to our door today. He said, “So.” I told him that they were talking about this church. He had said that he was tired of churches. We’ve been to churches. I told him that there was something different about these people. I had never seen anything like them. What I felt, I can’t explain it. They said it was the Holy Ghost. That was scary, but I loved what I felt. He agreed to go. He was just tired of everything that I was trying—I was so afraid that he was getting tired of ME, period! And so it was the evening and the morning of the third day…. Rosemary’s Baby, or What? That Sunday morning we drove into the parking lot of the church. When we drove into that parking lot, I felt the Holy Ghost in that parking lot. They were walking across the parking lot in these long dresses and they had their hair in buns. Back then it was high hair dos. I told my husband that this was weird. They are weird. But isn’t it wonderful what you feel? We drive up and park the truck. I want out of here. I am scared. Let’s go home. I turned around and here came all these people. There had to be 30-35 of them coming towards our truck. All the other churches that I had gone to, you didn’t get a handshake. They didn’t ask your name. I wonder what they are going to do. They are coming. I told Richard that he couldn’t back the truck up because we would hit them. What are we going to do? He replied, “We are just going to have to stay here.” They come over to my window and I am looking at them. I didn’t know what they were going to do. They opened the truck door and I got out. They were shaking my hand and I could feel the Holy Ghost. I thought, “Why do they care about me for?” if they really knew what I was like, they wouldn’t even come over here to this truck. Richard was more friendly than me. He always was. We went ahead and went in the church and as we walked in the doors, I am telling you the presence of God was so strong. It was so heavy that I would have to breathe so deep. I looked at my husband and I told him that is exactly what I felt at the door when I opened the door that day. We took our seats in the sanctuary, which was very quiet, but there were these sounds filtering out of what they called the Prayer Room. I looked over at my husband. His eyebrows raised. We had gone once to see this movie called Rosemary’s Baby. I was a movie freak. I watched every movie, especially the scary ones. (Did you know that movies also can be an escape, just like drugs?) I don’t know if any of you ever saw it but it was a weird movie. We are sitting there and it’s real quiet except there are people in the prayer room just crying out to God. I am telling you that it scared me half to death. I thought they were dying. They were screaming, “Oh, God!” And I turn to my husband, oh my, what is going on in there? He doesn’t know. I tell him that I don’t want to stay here, but I don’t want to leave either. About that time, the pastor came walking in. he looked exactly like that man in Rosemary’s Baby. Same colored suit, everything. I sat there and elbowed my husband, “Richard, oh my God, where are we at?” He just shook his head. Before we could make a move towards the exit, people begin filing out of the prayer room and into the sanctuary. All of a sudden here come those ladies who witnessed to me. Oh, I know them. They came over and we were talking. They sat with us. I had never been to a Pentecostal church, never heard of Holy Roller, never heard of shouting, never heard of anything, never. The Lord was very good to me. That morning we had a very quiet service, no shouting. Thank God they didn’t that morning. It was a quiet preaching service. We left. Everybody was friendly. I couldn’t wait to get back that night. I didn’t even own a dress and I had noticed all the ladies wore dresses. I ran down to the store and I got this little dress that I really thought was Godly. It had little spaghetti straps. That’s godly for me because I usually wore a bikini top; it was like my uniform. I wore cut off Levis. I went barefooted. I ratted my hair up all nice and neat like Elvira. Had the big hooped earrings, the false eyelashes. I had the whole thing. We went back that night. I just couldn’t wait to get back. We got in there and they started shouting. They scared us to death. They came over to the pew and wanted to know if we wanted to pray. I thought that these people remind me of those people in those mental institutions. I told my husband that they didn’t even act like they knew what they were doing. They act like they are controlled. The devil was just using all these different things to discourage me because he didn’t want me there. I prayed for the Holy Ghost for two months. I thought I had repented. I would go up to the altar and I would say that I love you Lord. I am sorry for my sins just like I did at the other churches. I wasn’t getting anywhere and I was seeing people getting the Holy Ghost all the time and I was getting mad. I had prayed for it for two months. I think I had had it. I was going out to the truck and I put the kids in the truck and I was mad. I said, “Okay God, I’m done. I’m finished. Why did you bring me here?” This man that was an usher there came over to me and said, “Sister, have you really repented?” He said it really nice. He asked if I had repented. I looked at him and I said, “How dare you ask me if I have really repented. How many times did you see me go up there and say I’m sorry? How many times.” All of a sudden the Lord showed me all my pot plants at home, all my pornography at home, all my pipes and my liquor at home. I thought, oh my, I have to get rid of all of that? That’s worth a fortune. I’ve had that forever. I had prayed for the Holy Ghost and I wasn’t getting it. We went home and I told my husband that we have to borrow the neighbor’s pick up truck. We have to get the green trash bags and we took two loads to the dump the next day. It was hard for me to do because I had had that all those years. I told God, “This is it. You know good and well that if you don’t give me the Holy Ghost, then we are all in trouble!” That very next service, I was sitting there in the pew. I was listening to the evangelist. He didn’t know anything about what I was going through. He just turned around in the middle of his message and said, “Sister, the Holy Ghost is for you.” I got up out of the pew and I went up there. I raised my arms, my tongue started to flicker and I just went into an experience for 45 minutes. God healed my mind! It was like there was a light. It wasn’t darkness any longer. I was thinking straight. People would come up to me and say that they couldn’t believe the difference in my countenance. I can tell the difference in the way I think. As I went back to my seat, I could hardly believe the difference in how I felt! I had always, through the years, got my dad father’s day cards, but I never told him that I loved him because I didn’t know how and I wouldn’t lie. He was the first one that came to my mind. I told my husband that we had to go home. I have to call my dad. So we went home and I went to the phone. My mom answered and I said, “Mom, can I talk to dad?” She asked who died, what happened? I told her that nobody died, and she said that I never ask for my dad. I told her that I wanted to talk to dad. She went and got him and he came to the phone. He said, “Lin, what’s the matter? What happened?” I said, “Dad, do you remember the day I was sitting in the back of the car and you put your head on the steering wheel and you started crying and you said if you could only find peace?” he replied, “Yes.” I told him that I found it! I got the Holy Ghost. “For the first time, Daddy, I can tell you that I love you and I mean it with all of my heart.” My dad started crying, right there on the phone. My experience with God got better through the years. My dad never would live for God and he ended up dying lost but God was good enough to me that all the rest of my family got the Holy Ghost. Oh but God is so awesomely good! Sometimes I think back to how it used to be. So much of it I cannot remember. But I do remember driving one time and a young boy got in my way. He was too close too much on the road and was slowing me down. I remember this: aiming the car right at him. Determined to mow him down! Can you believe it? I can, and I can’t. But it is just an example of how I used to be. How I was before the Lord got a hold of me and turned everything upside down! The years have passed since then, the years of serving God have come and gone. And still God remains beside me—inside me!—leading and guiding and preparing the path that I walk. He has given me a good marriage! Good children! Sanity. He truly, truly has restored my soul! The Pen of a Ready Writer God eventually called me to write a book. I know how to write—you know, put sentences together—but I didn’t know how to write a book. I used that as an excuse for a while, then I came to this church and took Lynda Doty’s class, her soteric counseling class. She was a professor at the college there. I loved the class. I grew to love her. I did my term paper on manic-depression and she didn’t know a thing about me. She didn’t know a thing about God dealing with me about a book. All of a sudden she read and handed me my term paper and she said, “Sis. Collins, you need to write a book.” I stared at her, my mouth open, and told God, “Okay, God. I am going to write you your book.” I wrote it. He helped me write it. I dedicate it to Him and His goodness to me. He gave me a sound mind. He healed my mind. I haven’t had to take medication now for 26 years! I am not saying that I don’t get discouraged at times. But I don’t ever go through those things again—the ups and downs, the craziness, the torment! The Works of the Flesh Manic-depression is big business now. You see it everywhere you look. It wasn’t around so much in my day but it is big now. It is my prayer that you will be able to see how the enemy of your soul is lying to you—telling you things that you think are your own thoughts—things that will continue to keep you bound until you allow the Lord of Healing to have control of all your faculties. The more control you give to our loving God, the less control the enemy has. We have to watch those doors to our soul, keep them shut tightly. Any bitterness, or anger, or jealousy—the “works of the flesh”—can open the door and then that old enemy might get his foot in! With the help and grace of an almighty God, my doors will remain shut. A Word to the Backslider There have been people who backslid from the Lord—prodigals who have left their Father’s House and stopped serving Him. These people can slide into a deeper pit than ever before. Their darkness grows darker, the heaviness heavier. They can never be happy or complete, because they know the truth and can never really fit in with the rest of the world. Their way is doomed to failure until they submit once again to the Lover of their souls. There are questions about whether or not the Holy Ghost remains inside a soiled and willfully sinning vessel, or does He depart? I am not about to take up that debate, but one thing I know: God will seek and save that which is lost! He will leave the ninety-and-nine and go after that one lost sheep. And all the while, that sheep is out there looking for the next pasture. Looking for something greener—looking for something to satisfy the emptiness in his soul. Some of these people say things like this: “I have seen all the sin and hypocrites in the church; I don’t want any part of it.” But what they don’t realize is this, that even in the original early church—the church in the book of Acts—these things existed. Paul wrote to the Corinthian church about one such issue. A man was living in fornication with this father’s wife. Paul said it was detestable, that even the heathens didn’t do such a thing. But even then, the hypocrisy that surrounded it. The church covered it up. Got prideful. But Paul did not leave the church in a huff, refuse to go back. Because God’s church is made up of imperfect people, and there will always be imperfections in the Body of Christ. But with all its imperfections, there is nothing better than the Church! It is where I received my sustenance through the years. People to love me, care about me. I allowed my innate need to be nurtured to take precedence over all the hypocrites. I had to just leave the hypocrites in the hands of the pastor and God. It is not my place to worry and fret. So I beseech all backsliders—please come home! Please try to remember how much God loves you and He is wooing you to come Home. Don’t waste another day in the pig sty, like the young man in Luke chapter 15. Do like that young man and climb out of the mess, stand up and say, It was so much better for me in my Father’s House! You need to be full of the Holy Ghost—remember Acts 1:8? In Conclusion I just want to say how much I love Him. I want to do all that I can to help others who suffer from manic-depression. I know exactly how they feel. I know exactly what they’re saying. I know exactly what they are experiencing. And I also know exactly what God can do! My friend, thank you for hearing my story. Thank you for allowing the opportunity for something good to come out of all those years of torment. My prayer is that my life might be of some blessing to you or someone you know and love. If that can be the case, then those precious words to me all those years ago, can ring true in my ears: “One of these days, it’s going to be worth it all. ______________________________________________________________________________